I don't post much anymore but I feel that I need to say something.
You are a very beautiful woman. Please don't take this the wrong way but I you sound just like my ex wife when she was pregnant with our child. I'm ugly, I'm fat, don't look at me, don't touch me. Then 10 minutes later the reverse of everything mentioned. I'm not a dr but I think since your lactating your female hormones are really kicking in your body is going thru a false pregnancy.
Health care here in USA is made fun of world wide because it's not free but there is several free clinics that offer free or reduced hrt to the community.
Please don't let the world get you down. You have achieved limits and expectations above and beyond what most of us could only hope for.
You are a beautiful woman. Keep strong
(18-09-2023, 03:07 PM)happyfeet Wrote: [ -> ]I don't post much anymore but I feel that I need to say something.
You are a very beautiful woman. Please don't take this the wrong way but I you sound just like my ex wife when she was pregnant with our child. I'm ugly, I'm fat, don't look at me, don't touch me. Then 10 minutes later the reverse of everything mentioned. I'm not a dr but I think since your lactating your female hormones are really kicking in your body is going thru a false pregnancy.
Health care here in USA is made fun of world wide because it's not free but there is several free clinics that offer free or reduced hrt to the community.
Please don't let the world get you down. You have achieved limits and expectations above and beyond what most of us could only hope for.
You are a beautiful woman. Keep strong
You're right about hormones. My prolactin levels and also local estrogen and progesterone in breasts are going through the roof, I've never had it like this before. I don't know my exact prolactin levels, but when I first lactated in January this year, my prolactin was at 1398 mU/l which is somewhat lower than were lactation typically starts and now there's way more supplements and especially stimulation pushing to new heights. I guess crazy mood swings are to be expected as I react really strongly to just high estrogen alone and this is uncharted territory for me.
Kinda makes me wonder if I keep going and then cause a estrogen and progesterone crash, will that cause my lactation to go totally nuts? That's basically a simulated childbirth...
I had a friend and gf cheer me up earlier, the healthcare being a bitch truly pisses me off though. I took some side boob photos, its been a while since I took some and today I hit 27 months on HRT. I should measure but I might not as that can be extremely triggering. Anyway, I think there's a visual difference from while back again. I love it how my boobs make my hands look small when they're anything but as I'm a huge swamp monster rather than some gracefull tiny pixie doll.
I like it for scale, this is what KK/P cup boobs look like with a hand bigger than average woman on it. I would think a bit smaller than average man as mine have never been huge and they've gotten smaller.
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I'm surprised how many chimed in to support me... I didn't expect it, just from feeling down and crying out my problems. I wish this was somehow easier to deal with, transition, mental health, all the pressure to comform to cis het norms and everything. And I do have to comform a lot just to gain tolerance, let alone acceptance. These days its a bit easier as I'm 100% stealth to people who don't know me much and even to some new ones, my girlfriends parents do not know my background and have zero idea about it.
Then there are all the pressure about looks, troubles of a woman and on top of that, a transgender woman. Being on the fringe of even our tribe with more than likely intersex condition doesn't make it any easier. There is a lot of stuff I can't really talk about to much anyone except partners and the very few intersex friends I have. Somehow I end up befriending trans women who share this weird fate with me, seemingly by chance. I guess birds of feather flock together.
And then there's dreams of the little girl who was suppressed and silenced for so long. Dreams of a social life of a woman, of beauty, becoming a mother and so on. Stuff that feels impossibly far away. I think for beauty I have some kind of a chance, social life, maybe? And the latter is too painful to talk about. Its rough. And then I have to somehow find energy to put up a fight for my rights within the healthcare system too. I wish this time was stress free like I wanted it to. I would just want to enjoy the changes, go all in with growing boobs and have some fun, but it feels there is no rest, no fun, no stress free times at all. I've been on sickleave for over two years almost at all times and yet I feel all this stuff is slowly burning me out.
At least its not totally lonely, getting such reaction here on BN feels so good. I didn't think much anyone would chime in except for the regulars. Thanks. Its making me feel better.
(18-09-2023, 03:46 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote: [ -> ]I'm surprised how many chimed in to support me... I didn't expect it, just from feeling down and crying out my problems. I wish this was somehow easier to deal with, transition, mental health, all the pressure to comform to cis het norms and everything. And I do have to comform a lot just to gain tolerance, let alone acceptance. These days its a bit easier as I'm 100% stealth to people who don't know me much and even to some new ones, my girlfriends parents do not know my background and have zero idea about it.
Then there are all the pressure about looks, troubles of a woman and on top of that, a transgender woman. Being on the fringe of even our tribe with more than likely intersex condition doesn't make it any easier. There is a lot of stuff I can't really talk about to much anyone except partners and the very few intersex friends I have. Somehow I end up befriending trans women who share this weird fate with me, seemingly by chance. I guess birds of feather flock together.
And then there's dreams of the little girl who was suppressed and silenced for so long. Dreams of a social life of a woman, of beauty, becoming a mother and so on. Stuff that feels impossibly far away. I think for beauty I have some kind of a chance, social life, maybe? And the latter is too painful to talk about. Its rough. And then I have to somehow find energy to put up a fight for my rights within the healthcare system too. I wish this time was stress free like I wanted it to. I would just want to enjoy the changes, go all in with growing boobs and have some fun, but it feels there is no rest, no fun, no stress free times at all. I've been on sickleave for over two years almost at all times and yet I feel all this stuff is slowly burning me out.
At least its not totally lonely, getting such reaction here on BN feels so good. I didn't think much anyone would chime in except for the regulars. Thanks. Its making me feel better.
Glad you are feeling better. Your beasts are 100% female I'm jealous. Just remember you have only been on hot 27 months and genetic female takes 4-5 years to fully develop. As they say Rome wasn't built in a day --you have made so much progress I know it can be frustrating but those dreams of a little girl will come. Girl your face looks great nothing masculine about it let's see aa smile Ha Ha hope your day continues to get better.
Our bubbles do get rather intense at times! with all of the plates you have spinning, And the fluctuating hormone responses make for more challenges. I too am glad that you are doing better! And yes, the hoops one has to go through with the healthcare system are atrocious.
Calling this a roller coaster ride would be an understatement... And healthcare, omg I could rant about them forever. I feel that I have to arrange way more on my own than I ever thought to. Btw, my prescriptions and transgender diagnosis are still all missing somewhere. I can't get my meds without prescriptions in the system. They're really not in a rush to help me at all and I'm quite soon running out of progesterone unless I get stocked up soon.
I'm considering stopping posting on Nexus btw. I don't feel welcome there at all, the lack of any response in my thread and how dead the entire forum is is totally making me loose motivation. Let alone seeing how others get endless praise over ther while all I get is random "nice" every now and then and most of the time there's zero response to anything. I used to think I would be more welcome and have more activity over there, but its been a huge disappointment. It seems like I'm not woman enough over there and Nexum is far more supportive and accepting towards me. What can I say, cis people are mostly horrible and they hate my guts and do not approve me as a woman at all. Message received. Just ironic somehow, who certain ones are accepted and liked, but I am not?
I guess intersex transgender woman is not enough because of being a late bloomer or something. Or what ever the fuck it is, its starting to feel totally useless. I've been posting here many times more all this time, its very telling, I don't like to have my thread being a monologue, its a discussion forum, not a diary. I like discussion, I'm getting it here, but not on Nexus.
Obviously I'm not wanted there, I'm not woman enough for them.
The side view of your breasts really shows how much they have grown. I've been following you for a short time compared to others and watched you through your ups and downs and will always be here for you when needed. As I have told some of my friends you can always bend my ear.
I believe in addition to the cis /t.e.r.f./horrible human side from almost anywhere else they are envious of your progress. And some can rather catty and worse about it.
Aww thank you Mashtenn, its always nice to see you hopping in posting stuff.
p_r_1974, you might be right... A lady friend of mine said just a while back when we were discussing transition stuff, that I'm becoming so curvy and busty that I shake up cis women already. She said this when I mentioned how my cis fem friends have went quiet when ever I talk about looks, bras, boobs, transition progress. They just don't talk like they used to.
I guess it kinda comes with this, I mean having 38KK/P cup breasts at the age of thirty nine which are not less than half a cup size away from hitting criteria of gigantomastia, at Tanner 4, them being really round and perky and not sad floppy doggy ears isn't something that walks by every day. (My shape still irks me as they don't look that amazing without a bra, thanks to being wide.) What can I do, I'm sure I'm quite triggering to a lot of women. I would rather inspire and help as I know a thing or two on how to make them grow... They should ask for advice and come talk instead as I gladly share the knowledge.
