Time for an update in this personal experiment.
I have now been without any form of AA for, I think, about six or seven weeks. During that time, five weeks involved introduction of estradiol, along with, more recently, a steep reduction in PM intake, along with a new supplementation with synthetic T, designed, hopefully, to try and reawaken my missing libido.
The results, so far, and in total subjectivity, seem mixed.
My libido has not begun to reawaken, but my feelings of femininity are beginning to dissipate. This is, to say the least, disconcerting, and quite the opposite of the desired result.
So, what to do?
I can eliminate PM entirely but continue with T, or, I can eliminate both PM and T, or, I can eliminate T while continuing a lower dose of PM.
But I certainly do not wish to continue the current path, feeling that it leads back to a place I was in before and did not like.
More anon...
Eliminate the T and the PM and up the E2 just a little
That has also crossed my mind, LM...tee hee... Sigh...too many choices...
Samantha, (Why do I feel like I'm the only one who calls you by your full name?)
I think it's quite possible to maintain feelings of femininity without an AA. I did this for about 17 consecutive months with just pm. Granted, it seem like I had to get a bit creative with my dosage and gradually increase it to maintain the brain rewiring, but it's still doable. However, trying to regain your brain rewiring and libidio simultaneously is a whole different story I think. Taking just pm as my primary driver for NBE and brain rewiring worked I think because I had no regard for my llbidio.
I suppose you could try to find your femininity in areas beyond the herbal and hormonal. Maybe dressing up more or pursuing other types of activities would nurture your feminine self? Otherwise, you may have to make that difficult decision of putting your feminine self on the back burner or be willing to throw your libidio under the hormonal bus so to speak.
My quick two cents:
IIRC, Sammie's T level is even well below the normal range for a GG, right? If so, I tend to think that too much T may not be the problem, but maybe insufficient E? Does that make any sense?
Does the endo have any ideas?
Michell, the endo tends to brush aside all info about herbs. I think he just knows nothing about it. As a result, once my E was sufficiently boosted after a month of estradiol, he prescribed the small dosage (his words - 30 mgs each morning). He said nothing about the herbs either way.
FWIW, as of tonight I am leaning toward discontinuing everything except the 4mgs a day of estradiol, just for awhile, to see what happens.
So, yeah, I am dropping everything but the estradiol for awhile...the worst part of what I have been feeling is a return of some of the feelings I had lost for a long time... I parts of myself I dont like...irritability, selfishness, lack of empathy, a tendency toward harshness and competitivness...I catch myself lately saying and doing things without regard for the feelings of others...I hate this. I always hated those parts of myself.
Sorry if I have been grouchy or short with anyone lately.
The worst part is knowing that many of those same characteristics are the same traits that have allowed me to succeed in work and business.
It is such a hard thing to find the right balance.
I hope you will all understand.
Hugs to everyone.
(11-04-2014, 05:26 PM)Samantha Rogers Wrote: [ -> ]So, yeah, I am dropping everything but the estradiol for awhile...the worst part of what I have been feeling is a return of some of the feelings I had lost for a long time... I parts of myself I dont like...irritability, selfishness, lack of empathy, a tendency toward harshness and competitivness...I catch myself lately saying and doing things without regard for the feelings of others...I hate this. I always hated those parts of myself.
Sorry if I have been grouchy or short with anyone lately.
The worst part is knowing that many of those same characteristics are the same traits that have allowed me to succeed in work and business.
It is such a hard thing to find the right balance.
I hope you will all understand.
Hugs to everyone.
You're always super nice and considerate to me, sis. I haven't noticed any difference. Perhaps the people you were being short with deserved it?
Anyways, maybe you should take low doses of a DHT blocker and see if that changes your mood. That way you could still boost free and total T while possibly minimizing the impact on your psyche?
It's just an experimental suggestion though. I'm not sure which form of T could be causing this....or even if it's not just the lack of PM. PM always made me feel unnaturally happy
.
Michelle could be right that its more an issue of not enough E, as well. Although, I would point out that Sammie's T level was at near zero before dropping PM and supplementing some T. It very likely could have risen to some degree at this point, at least enough to cause DHT to be produced again.
That's why I lean towards DHT being the culprit. I don't think enough time has passed for free/total T to rise that much. Then again what do I know...I pretty much gave up trying to design my own program and went pharma.
(09-03-2014, 03:08 PM)Samantha Rogers Wrote: [ -> ]Just an update from my outing the other night. I was running so late when I arrived I had to throw the makeup on... I hate that so much. I far prefer to have enough time to be careful and precise. But still, the joy of a first time around other people canceled out all the other worries. Everyone was so nice. I don't expect to come down from that high for awhile... at least I hope not. And now I am dying to do it again. Tee hee
Hugs
Samantha, hon if thats just throwing it on, your a beautiful lady.
Im reading through the thread, I'm glad to see you and your wife were able to find a common ground, I know that pink elephant will be showing up in my living room sooner or later. Its heart warming to read that sometimes it can work out. ( I have my own demons in the closet about this - another day thou ) Thanks for sharing your latest journey with the Dr visits, very interesting to say the least. I'm glad its all working out for you.
Hey Samantha, you mentioned you drink graprefruit juice, but isn't it bad to drink grapefruit juice and take pills? Coincidentally the other day I was just drinking it and took an SP without realizing afterwards and to err on the side of caution I just poured out my grapefruit juice.