[Erin]

Erin,

I feel your pain. I am in much the same boat I also feel ill never look good enough to pass. Still, be true to yourself. Take a class and see how you look with some help with your makeup. You might be surprised.

Erin77

Thanks so much.

[Erin]

It's hard not to be discouraged when we are our own worst critics. Pangs of doubt are normal. To relate with my starting point, I felt I kind of looked like a young Walter White (Breaking Bad) on steroids...in heels lol.

Rome wasn't built in a day, and every step in the journey is another step of progress toward our goals.

Make-up takes practice...lots! Just like drawing or painting art, no one starts off as Da Vinci. I'll post a few links below that may help.

If you haven't already done so, maybe watch some of the incredible before and after' transformations on YouTube. Next time you're at the mall, gym, pool, or in another high foot traffic area, try sitting back and watching the people...you will find beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes.

Before & After

Pro Body Builder Kroc: From Matt to Janae
(Diana1395 posted this in another thread)

Before/After Transformations

Never Too Old Before & After Transitions

Make-Up Guides and Artists

Joseph Harwood

Stephanie Lange

Miss Fame

Buzzfeed: 27 Charts to Help Make Sense of Make-up

Online Drag Mother

Cosmo Face Shape Contour Maps

How to Contour & Highlight for Beginners

Trans Out Loud: Shadow Cover

Concealing Tips

Top 3 Shadow Concealers

Suddenly Fem Learning Center

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Never give up faith, dreams can come true.

Lana, thank you that means and helps a lot.

[Erin]

Worrying that I would never pass is the main reason I put this off for so long. Honestly I still don't think I pass and doubt I could ever live stealth, but things turned out better than I expected, as I'm sure is the case for a lot of people.

Like Lananonymous said have a browse through some of the amazing before and afters on the interwebs.

Sona Avedian is one of the most dramatic transformations I've seen.

Ramonajp on Tumblr posts a lot of great before and afters too
http://ramonajp.tumblr.com/tagged/transformationtuesday

and a few of my own
http://girlcalledtasha.tumblr.com/tagged...-and-after

But even if we don't pass, none of this is pointless. Transitioning gives us the freedom to be who we are without hiding. x

ps. I remember those pics. You do have a rocking bod.

Tasha, you being one of the select few I idolize means so much. And thank you for the compliment. Youre the one with the rockin bod, gurl! Girls like you keep me going, bless you.

[Erin]

I hated my face too when I first started, I feel it's not so much that our face looks male, it's that our face looks like the male "us" that we are trying to get away from. Nothing, breaks the illusion we are trying to create more than seeing our old male self dressed up. How can we hope to blend in as a female in the real world, when we cannot even look good in the privacy of our own house ?? Part of the thing you have to remember is you know what your face looks like. No one else out side of friends is ever going to look that close. Once you take herbs to drop the "T" and add in some stronger "E" ( either PM or synthetic "E" ) your face will change, it will go softer as the fat deposits start to move around.

For makeup lessons I was lucky to find a supportive lady close to me. ( my wife does not wear any makeup, never has ) I have seen postings for makeup lessons to help females and crossdressers look their best in the local buy and sells. ( kijiji / Craig's list ) So that option is always there. Once you get the basics, all you need is practice. ( my wife who sees the male me every day will say it still looks like male me in a dress, but other female friends of ours say I look good, and if they passed me in the street they would have not recognised me )

Never be too hard on your self, you would be surprised how well you can look once you get a hand on the make up. I work in a factory where there are some pretty scary older CIS females, when they get dressed up to go to the works Christmas party ect, they look completely different with makeup on.

Thank Jannet. You make so much sense. I know much T has dropped severely because erections are almost impossible. I just need the E and I'm afraid to ask my doc for it. Not to mention I'm curious what my insurance would say or think. I must muster the courage. I would really like the patch as I hear it's more consistent and reducing mood swings. But I wonder is it as effective? You're a doll.

[Erin]

It's amazing what electrolysis and makeup can do for you. Take a look around especially at your age group. Not everyone is a Cosmo model. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Stefanie, thanks babe. I can't see your face but you have a stunning rack. I want to look like you!

[Erin]

I do hope you find support here to help over the rough spots. I'm just trying a minor thing growing breasts.....one day though I hope to bring out what I know I am inside.

Good luck...and don't give up.

Oh and Tasha.......I had never seen any of your before pics......what a beautiful transformation.

Elaine, thanks for the support. You're right, Tasha really is a hottie!

[Erin]

Erin,
We've all "been there", but bottom line is that you CAN'T give up I'm afraid. Sure you can stop taking things, you can stop 'dressing', you can make a conscious decision to do more male things, but sooner or later you will start again... your brain will find ways, with or without your assistance!

All you can do is find ways to assimilate the need/drive into everyday life. Circumstances do change, sometimes in most unexpected ways. I've been crossdressing for almost 60 years, I've been growing boobs for just over 5 years, and finally I think ( fingers crossed) at almost 68, my wife has totally embraced the female me, so that I can lay dozing in bed deciding what to wear today without needing to wonder if I can.

Years ago, I didn't think twice about going out, and only rarely got read. Now age has taken its toll on my face and I haven't been out dressed for 5 years but it doesn't bother me any more. Actually, having said that, I do regularly go out dressed but androgenously. Last Saturday, for the weekly supermarket trip, I wore bra and panties, a polo shirt that buttons female side, ladies jeans, ladies laceup brogues, and a centre zip leather jacket on top. With my little ear studs, nose stud and shaped eyebrows, about the only male things left are the prominant adams apple, beard growth and lack of hair!
Thing is that as far as I am aware nobody looked twice at me like that, but as soon as I put on a wig, it somehow focuses attention on the adams apple and stubble, and screams "FREAK"!

So what I'm saying is (a) don't give up, and (b) work at it until you find some comfortable middle ground.

Thanks pansy, you're right I guess I can try but I do always come back to it.