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Trying hard not to give up - Erin - 29-03-2016

Ladies, I decided to start a new thread out of respect not to hijack Gamers. I can understand her reason because the journey can be costly but my reasons are a bit different and I'm reaching out for some input.
Explanation:
I am 47 and come from a family with strong T but I can relate to her statement "Testosterone has long since destroyed me." (my face). I believe I have a nice body that could transition easily. I've even been complimented on my butt from both guys and girls. For reference, I posted Halloween pics last season. You can search if you want, they're still up. The problem is my face. It's not very androgynous. I mean I'm not an old ugly guy. In fact I got hit on by a very attractive 22yr old Latina I met in a club two months ago. I was flattered by the gesture but she was way too young, in addition to that I'm married. She did say I look very young for my age and had a hard time believing I have one graduating college this year.
My journey:
I have experimented with different herbal remedies for about three years now. Mostly fenugreek, saw palmetto, and red clover and had minor results. My work schedule makes it hard to stay religious about taking them so it's been off and on. I have pumped and that helped, even tried BO for a couple weeks before getting cancer. But now my health is good and I got a script for finn & spiro for hair loss. I have been doing really well about taking them and been augmenting with fenugreek. Been thinking making about jumping on to PM for some time. Just haven't made the time.
My dilemma:
My breasts are not where I would like them to be but they are taking the shape of Stefanie_s, which is very nice. I dress when I can and this weekend I was able to get a little dolled up. I wore a pair of black leggings with brown leather riding boots over white boot socks (very trendy these days). The boots had a wedge heel and the top was a nice form fitting cream-colored kitted sweater with a moderate v-neck. Showed the girls very well with a push-up bra. I have a new wig that comes down to my bra strap (center back) that is brunette with blonde highlights-love it! I have tried to put on makeup but I just plain suck at it. I need to attend a class or something on how to pick out and apply makeup. I used a hand-held mirror to see me from the back and I looked hot. But as soon as I turned around, I looked hideous. I looked like a girl with a mans face wearing a wig. We all know if you can't pass, it's pointless. And the more I thought about it and I'm thinking why am I going through all this if I'll never pass. I'll still just look like a guy with boobs because strong T has had control for too long.
Conclusion:
First of all, thanks for reading this long message. This site has inspired me for a really long time and the support I've seen is wonderful. There are many here who are my idols-Demon Lord Etna, SarahSchilling, ElainMoria, Tasha, and a few others but they're all beautiful. I will never look like that and FFS is not in the budget with another about to start college. I make just under 6 figures but have a life style that lives around that (house, car, college tuition, etc). So I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm taking pity on myself, I'm just losing hope and getting close to giving up. What do you think?

Hugs,
Erin

RE: Trying hard not to give up - Erin77 - 29-03-2016

Erin,

I feel your pain. I am in much the same boat I also feel ill never look good enough to pass. Still, be true to yourself. Take a class and see how you look with some help with your makeup. You might be surprised.

Erin77

RE: Trying hard not to give up - Naomiko - 29-03-2016

It's hard not to be discouraged when we are our own worst critics. Pangs of doubt are normal. To relate with my starting point, I felt I kind of looked like a young Walter White (Breaking Bad) on steroids...in heels lol.

Rome wasn't built in a day, and every step in the journey is another step of progress toward our goals.

Make-up takes practice...lots! Just like drawing or painting art, no one starts off as Da Vinci. I'll post a few links below that may help.

If you haven't already done so, maybe watch some of the incredible before and after' transformations on YouTube. Next time you're at the mall, gym, pool, or in another high foot traffic area, try sitting back and watching the people...you will find beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes.

Before & After

Pro Body Builder Kroc: From Matt to Janae
(Diana1395 posted this in another thread)

Before/After Transformations

Never Too Old Before & After Transitions

Make-Up Guides and Artists

Joseph Harwood

Stephanie Lange

Miss Fame

Buzzfeed: 27 Charts to Help Make Sense of Make-up

Online Drag Mother

Cosmo Face Shape Contour Maps

How to Contour & Highlight for Beginners

Trans Out Loud: Shadow Cover

Concealing Tips

Top 3 Shadow Concealers

Suddenly Fem Learning Center

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Never give up faith, dreams can come true.

RE: Trying hard not to give up - -Tasha- - 29-03-2016

Worrying that I would never pass is the main reason I put this off for so long. Honestly I still don't think I pass and doubt I could ever live stealth, but things turned out better than I expected, as I'm sure is the case for a lot of people. Smile

Like Lananonymous said have a browse through some of the amazing before and afters on the interwebs.

Sona Avedian is one of the most dramatic transformations I've seen.

Ramonajp on Tumblr posts a lot of great before and afters too Smile
http://ramonajp.tumblr.com/tagged/transformationtuesday

and a few of my own
http://girlcalledtasha.tumblr.com/tagged/before-and-after

But even if we don't pass, none of this is pointless. Transitioning gives us the freedom to be who we are without hiding. x

ps. I remember those pics. You do have a rocking bod. Wink

RE: Trying hard not to give up - jannet.duff - 29-03-2016

I hated my face too when I first started, I feel it's not so much that our face looks male, it's that our face looks like the male "us" that we are trying to get away from. Nothing, breaks the illusion we are trying to create more than seeing our old male self dressed up. How can we hope to blend in as a female in the real world, when we cannot even look good in the privacy of our own house ?? Part of the thing you have to remember is you know what your face looks like. No one else out side of friends is ever going to look that close. Once you take herbs to drop the "T" and add in some stronger "E" ( either PM or synthetic "E" ) your face will change, it will go softer as the fat deposits start to move around.

For makeup lessons I was lucky to find a supportive lady close to me. ( my wife does not wear any makeup, never has ) I have seen postings for makeup lessons to help females and crossdressers look their best in the local buy and sells. ( kijiji / Craig's list ) So that option is always there. Once you get the basics, all you need is practice. ( my wife who sees the male me every day will say it still looks like male me in a dress, but other female friends of ours say I look good, and if they passed me in the street they would have not recognised me )

Never be too hard on your self, you would be surprised how well you can look once you get a hand on the make up. I work in a factory where there are some pretty scary older CIS females, when they get dressed up to go to the works Christmas party ect, they look completely different with makeup on.

RE: Trying hard not to give up - stefanie_s - 29-03-2016

It's amazing what electrolysis and makeup can do for you. Take a look around especially at your age group. Not everyone is a Cosmo model. When you think positive, positive things happen.

RE: Trying hard not to give up - elainecd - 29-03-2016

I do hope you find support here to help over the rough spots. I'm just trying a minor thing growing breasts.....one day though I hope to bring out what I know I am inside.

Good luck...and don't give up.

Oh and Tasha.......I had never seen any of your before pics......what a beautiful transformation.

RE: Trying hard not to give up - Pansy-Mae - 30-03-2016

Erin,
We've all "been there", but bottom line is that you CAN'T give up I'm afraid. Sure you can stop taking things, you can stop 'dressing', you can make a conscious decision to do more male things, but sooner or later you will start again... your brain will find ways, with or without your assistance!

All you can do is find ways to assimilate the need/drive into everyday life. Circumstances do change, sometimes in most unexpected ways. I've been crossdressing for almost 60 years, I've been growing boobs for just over 5 years, and finally I think ( fingers crossed) at almost 68, my wife has totally embraced the female me, so that I can lay dozing in bed deciding what to wear today without needing to wonder if I can.

Years ago, I didn't think twice about going out, and only rarely got read. Now age has taken its toll on my face and I haven't been out dressed for 5 years but it doesn't bother me any more. Actually, having said that, I do regularly go out dressed but androgenously. Last Saturday, for the weekly supermarket trip, I wore bra and panties, a polo shirt that buttons female side, ladies jeans, ladies laceup brogues, and a centre zip leather jacket on top. With my little ear studs, nose stud and shaped eyebrows, about the only male things left are the prominant adams apple, beard growth and lack of hair!
Thing is that as far as I am aware nobody looked twice at me like that, but as soon as I put on a wig, it somehow focuses attention on the adams apple and stubble, and screams "FREAK"!

So what I'm saying is (a) don't give up, and (b) work at it until you find some comfortable middle ground.

RE: Trying hard not to give up - elainecd - 30-03-2016

Very well said Pansy-Mae!

RE: Trying hard not to give up - Billie - 30-03-2016

I have watched many NBE folks and met transitioning with HRT the one constant is older people take longer to decide to grow breastes. Today teens who are Tg start earlier in life blocking puberty and grow breastes early in life. This is happening because of laws against discrimination changed gay marriage is legal and we all have health insurance to help through Obamacare. The sooner you seek help the faster you become happy with these changes.