[Stevenator_]

Lara,

You're in the very tip-top percentage of people who have been able to attain what you have in such a short amount of time. You have the body that so many dream of and can never obtain. I know goals not reached are difficult, but I'm astounded at what you've already achieved.

Best of Luck to you going forward.

Hang in there.

[p_r_1974]

I feel the quicksand feeling myself when nothing I do seems to go right. it happens to most in different circumstances in our lives. Then the sun rises the next day and we baby-step forward at your pace. I would echo Mashtem and Stevanator in recognizing just how much you have achieved. 

I see a beautiful woman when I see you! You are living your truth with strength that the small minded will never know.

I turn to music a lot and this came to mind.
Gary Allan - Every Storm (Runs Out Of Rain) (Official Music Video) - YouTube

[HelloDiDi]

I just feel absolutely horrible about not reaching goals which just about two months ago seemed obtainable... Then again, last +2 weeks have made a difference. But there's more than just body changes, I've been in a lot of existencial pain with a lot of stuff lately. This timing has me thinking about everything, my dreams and goals, transition, my age, my craving for feeling beautiful. My totally fucked up body dysmorphia to mention some. Maybe I should try to do the next measuring day for real no matter what it shows, I'm scared af that its going to be messed up. I have already missed it twice so more than a month without measuring. Its fucking up my diary on this and I can't keep up with it, it has become too painful. 

At least I'm getting therapy dealt with, intro visit in two days and I must get along with this person, I have no time and patience for looking anything further and zero energy for any set backs. Things must move on. I've felt even suicidal and really depressed in tha last couple of days, very tired and stressed out. Too much all at once.

It'll get better, I want this two year thing to go by. I don't want to celebrate, I don't feel like it. I'm not feeling well at all. Its midsummer soon and I will be out of town for a while at our summerhouse with gf and fiance and my mom. So a little break and I pray it to be stress free somehow. Everything's just been too much all at once lately. My mind has been on overdrive. Its not healthy at all and I need somehow to get the fuck out of this circle of overthinking and dysphoria.

I'm just not feeling well and I'm not sure how to get out of this. Usually it hasn't lasted this many days in a row.

[Mashtenn]

I'm so sorry that your emotions are in such a turmoil.  Goals are great and obtainable and sometimes life or circumstances prevents us from achieving them.  For me it's always been a step forward and then two steps back.  Someone dear to me told me it's how we pick ourselves up and continue with our goals will make us a stronger person.  I try to remember this when I'm down.  You are a great and beautiful person and achieved so much.  My hope is that you will rise from all of this and say I did it.  If I have offended you my apologies.  I just would like to see you continue with the success and strides that you have made.

[HelloDiDi]

I'm so sorry that your emotions are in such a turmoil.  Goals are great and obtainable and sometimes life or circumstances prevents us from achieving them.  For me it's always been a step forward and then two steps back.  Someone dear to me told me it's how we pick ourselves up and continue with our goals will make us a stronger person.  I try to remember this when I'm down.  You are a great and beautiful person and achieved so much.  My hope is that you will rise from all of this and say I did it.  If I have offended you my apologies.  I just would like to see you continue with the success and strides that you have made.

Awww its ok.

Its just my usual circle with all this stuff... The thing is that I have whole lot of dysphoria and whole bunch of other mental problems(Likely some that are actual real deal disorders, I match a whole lot of stuff on BDD.) that make things some times extremely difficult. My perception of self is clearly a huge mess, this stuff always comes up around important mile stone dates, its not the first time. Overthinking and having been exposed to so much triggering things in a short time make it worse. It comes and goes, I will get better. I just need some time off and something positive to happen, that's what usually helps a whole lot and it can be something little that does it. Going to the summerhouse and seeing gf again soon are definitely going to help a lot.

All this stuff is usually temporary, I just try to not get depressed and get out of it before it becomes a spiral.

[HelloDiDi]

I've been on HRT for two years today.

Its measuring day and I can't deal with it. My waist hasn't gotten smaller but quite the opposite... That totally put me off, its hurting me too much, I'm giving up on measuring for a while. It will screw up my stats I've kept but right now I just don't care. I will measure again once there's obvious notable change. I have gotten body changes lately, but not quite how I would like it. Mostly my waist just getting wider instead of shrinking despite everything I'm doing to make it so. Upping BO is likely loading me with new fat all over me and I'm already eating less than before. I'm taking walks when ever I can exit the house, I'm taking CLA and yet seemingly gaining weight. My thighs, hips and butt have gotten way bigger and that I can tell without the tape easily. My boobs are growing fast right now, I can totally tell by how my bra is fitting.

Oh and I got two goal bras right now, the Bravissimo ones both have super deep cups and my projection is not nearly enough to fill them yet, everything else fits like a glove but I'm just missing more boob to do that. So I was forced to order another one, I'm waiting for it right now, the trusted Elomi Molly in black, in 36KK/P cup. ELomi bras have bit wider wire and shallower cups so I'm presuming this one will be correct fit right away as I know how these are sized. It has worked fantastically with three of these bras so I know what to expect.

The experiment with higher dose on BO and estriol cream on nippples seems to be working nicely, no other changes for now, there are some things I'm planning on testing out in near future but more on that later. Noogling is working amazingly well. I'll have few days off soon as I'm going to our summerhouse with my mom, fiance and girlfriend to celebrate midsummer, so likely few days mostly offline and forgetting the cruel world.

Today I'm soon going to see my therapist for the first time and I hope it works out well with her, I can't afford to keep on trying them out and I must have someone to make transclinic do their job. I'm updating my ID and stuff next month so then I'll be a woman on all official settings and that should be the end of bureaucratic discrimination. That also means I can easily get my boobs checked and I'm very eager to get that done, so breast cancer screeningn will be booked hopefully within few months or so. I'm definitely wanting to get those Xrays and stuff.

Here's some recent pics, my lower body change is really mind blowing, I'm pleasantly surprised and happy for this. ^_^ And then one to just show what's going on with my figure in general. Tape is telling me to fuck off but I kinda like where this is heading. I'm going to dump few more pics on another post in a minute.

           

[HelloDiDi]

I felt playful. No one told me that the change down there would result in not only change in size but also appearance... I've learned some artistic tucking and its silly and fun as heck. Do I need to tell that I kinda feel that my body absolutely wants to be fully female down there too? This should not come as a surprise to anyone at this stage. I don't think I've ever posted this kind of bit NSFW pics here before? Well I might delete later but this is kinda funny. I'm sure if I get a good surgeon to do my GCS, there will be zero trouble making really amazing outer labia because its kinda forming already. Super happy for this change, tucking has become extremely easy and I'm loving this shape so much.

Someone tell me I'm making it all up? A girl is a girl.

           

[Stevenator_]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QBgXnhs7ItU&pp=ygUNQ2FtZWx0b2Ugc29uZw%3D%3D

[Stevenator_]

Congratulations on your two year anniversary. I hit three years on HRT three days ago, and your results are incredible. I'd love to have your hips & thighs.

Good Luck to-day. I hope that everything works out well for you.

[HelloDiDi]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QBgXnhs7ItU&pp=ygUNQ2FtZWx0b2Ugc29uZw%3D%3D

Umm... xD Rflmao. Yes, I can make a frigging huge cameltoe if I want to. I just don't have panties which would tuck so well it would stay that way much and its kinda inappropriate in most settings. I think that would give a lot of confused angry stares. I wonder if they actually stare at that when I go out wearing leggins? Because it gets kinda obvious. lol

EDIT:
It will, third year holds a lot of amazing things. I'm expecting body changes to continue as it has been or maybe even getting better as i've seen many to whom third has been even better than second. Also there's the plan for body contouring and fat graft coming up, I'm going wait for at least another few months before wondering how to deal with that. And yes I know I don't truly "need" it, but I want to deal with most of my dysphoria all in one go, especially about my waist which is causing me major grief. Boobs and lower body I'm extremely happy with, I wont mind getting more curves but this is really nice. Its helping me pass so easily these days, I think the effect of body shape and proportions is often overlooked.