[Kay]

Dear DiDi,

You are going through a rough spot. Is there someone you can talk to? I wish we were friends and I could offer some encouragement and validation. You are not a failure and never will be. Your womanhood comes from your heart! I am sure several of us here, including me think that you are an awesome lady!!!

Hugs to you!!!

Kay

[HelloDiDi]

Dear DiDi, You are going through a rough spot. Is there someone you can talk to? I wish we were friends and I could offer some encouragement and validation. You are not a failure and never will be. Your womanhood comes from your heart! I am sure several of us here, including me think that you are an awesome lady!!! Hugs to you!!!

Thanks. <3 I have some friends.... Who seem to manage to pull me out of the abyss time and again. Someone encouraged me to look back on how far I've become and I dug up some pictures. I'm not feeling that bad any more after seeing these two side by side.

It just painfully slow... In a year my volume has more than doubled, nipple size has doubled, areolas I think are maybe 1/3 larger. I'm finally starting to break through from teenager boobs to mature look I think. Its all good, I'm just terribly afraid of my growth stalling.

[Happyme]

Oh my dear sweet Didi,
I'm glad you have had the chance to look back from whence you have come.
Thats great advice and it seems to have eased your anxiety for the moment.
I have watched you go from 0 to 100 in an amazing time. Not only have you grown Breasts, but you are on your way to a new life.
All thats  pretty scary, but you have the strength to do it.
The term you should use now is plateau and not stalled. Even the great and awesome lotus recognized plateaus. Your poor body needs to take a rest once in awhile to let all the newness settle in an get comfortable with its new surroundings. Smile when when you think about it, and savor the luscious future to come.
The harder you work at this the more you will appreciate what you get in the end.
Always thing positive and never let a negative thought pop in your head.

Enjoy each new day as Didi, as much as i enjoy watching you grow and change.
Huggs
Bobbi

[Nipply Russel]

I'm extremely afraid that I will stall and things wont change... I'm supposed to add boron and PG to my HRT but I don't have the money for it, I have money for nothing. Its hand to mouth all the time, hell I can't even buy myself nice winter shoes. I'm so so afraid that I'll get stuck and my boobs will stall no matter what I do.... I haven't yet had a month with this little change. They got better few weeks back consistently and now nothing.

I don't want to go from awesome start to just another trans girl who's just like everyone else. I'm scared of failing.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time right now. Here's a thought: maybe take a break from the measuring for a while and let the changes happen? As they say, "a watched pot never boils." You're denying yourself the perspective and excitement of big changes because you're busy tracking the minute ones. Maybe focus on mental health/happiness for a couple of months and you might end up like, "OH, boobs!"

[Drew]

Dont make me make the 24 hour or so drive to Finland to bitch slap you DiDi because I would! I have a lot of holiday time in December. Yeah my Ford would probably freeze and die then I would get eaten by a bear or a wolf.
Your fine, stop doubting and be the confident you we all know and love. I do realise transition can become quite expensive especially if going pharma but a break doesn't mean failing it's just a break.

[HelloDiDi]

Oh my dear sweet Didi,
I'm glad you have had the chance to look back from whence you have come.
Thats great advice and it seems to have eased your anxiety for the moment.
I have watched you go from 0 to 100 in an amazing time. Not only have you grown Breasts, but you are on your way to a new life.
All thats  pretty scary, but you have the strength to do it.
The term you should use now is plateau and not stalled. Even the great and awesome lotus recognized plateaus. Your poor body needs to take a rest once in awhile to let all the newness settle in an get comfortable with its new surroundings. Smile when when you think about it, and savor the luscious future to come.
The harder you work at this the more you will appreciate what you get in the end.
Always thing positive and never let a negative thought pop in your head.

Enjoy each new day as Didi, as much as i enjoy watching you grow and change.
Huggs
Bobbi

Too bad I've lost a huge bunch of old pictures, specially before NBE, those pics could be really nice to have, further I go, more awesome it becomes. Thanks, I don't think I have much choice than to have strength and keep on going.

I'm not even sure if I'm hitting a plateau, it seems like it, but there's so much fluctuation going on that it might be just another two weeks of nothing until things pick up the pace again. That's what its been so far, but somehow I got a feeling that I'm hitting a slower growth period.

[HelloDiDi]

I'm extremely afraid that I will stall and things wont change... I'm supposed to add boron and PG to my HRT but I don't have the money for it, I have money for nothing. Its hand to mouth all the time, hell I can't even buy myself nice winter shoes. I'm so so afraid that I'll get stuck and my boobs will stall no matter what I do.... I haven't yet had a month with this little change. They got better few weeks back consistently and now nothing.

I don't want to go from awesome start to just another trans girl who's just like everyone else. I'm scared of failing.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time right now. Here's a thought: maybe take a break from the measuring for a while and let the changes happen? As they say, "a watched pot never boils." You're denying yourself the perspective and excitement of big changes because you're busy tracking the minute ones. Maybe focus on mental health/happiness for a couple of months and you might end up like, "OH, boobs!"

Kind better today, I'm heading out quite soon to get my first ever labs done. I'm already doing that, measuring all the time is tedious and disheartening. I thought I would measure once a week on sundays, would make sense as sunday morning is injection day, take my shot, measure and forget the numbers. Then look back at it later on, that's always a nice surprise... Or it has been so far, dunno about now.

I think adding progesterone and tweaking my dosage accordingly once I get my bloods done might help. If I keep on being stuck for another month, I'm gonna add 2mg oral E on top of the injections for a while and see if that kicks things on the move.

[Jamie-May]

I know the stall can be very disheartening. I myself haven't really made breast growth gains in a few months now. But do make sure not to overdo it on the E. I know when I tried taking 10mg sublingual for a couple days I felt rather nauseous and sickly for a couple days until I stopped and dropped back down to 8mg. More E than you need I hear can possibly stall development as well so that's another thing to watch out for, not to mention the health risks.

Try to be happy for what you have if you can. It's not easy to do sometimes. I know that much since I too am very big on making progress and being depressed if I come to a standstill in not just transitioning but in all things I have a passion for. What I do instead to alleviate that problem is I make progress in other ways. For transitioning, I try working on my voice, coming up with new things to eat that work for my diet, exercising to improve the other parts of my body, and various steps like that.

You're at a good point though, I think. You've hit a threshold where I feel most people would be happy to have reached. You're blessed in that regard. Try not to think little of what you have just because your envious of more, since for many people, I think more is still never enough. You'll only make crazy thinking about the future and never stop to enjoy your life in the moment.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I wish you the best on your first labs!

[HelloDiDi]

Dont make me make the 24 hour or so drive to Finland to bitch slap you DiDi because I would! I have a lot of holiday time in December. Yeah my Ford would probably freeze and die then I would get eaten by a bear or a wolf.
Your fine, stop doubting and be the confident you we all know and love. I do realise transition can become quite expensive especially if going pharma but a break doesn't mean failing it's just a break.

Oh come on, no need to slap me. xD I'm awake aready. lol And why not, you're welcome to come for a visit any time <3 I'd make you some hot chocolate. No bears in town  btw, they're already hibernating.

Its not always easy to see the bright sides, often it feels like running but not moving and things take their time.... Too much time if you ask me but our bodies tend to be slow on this stuff. Its silly for me to say as my body changes have been extremely rapid, I don't remember seeing another close forty year old trans woman to have so much happen in such a little time. I think doing herbals before HRT was hugely beneficial as it gave me a good starting point. The cost of things truly is prohibitive which sucks. I wish our healthcare system would be soon updated to 2020's, its nothing short of medieval here.

HRT is luckily quite affordable knowing the right sources, but DIY is pain in the ass as there's so much luck involved. I'm definitely going to try to get all possible prescriptions by the official route as that would mean that I could cheaply stock up on a bunch of things, if not for myself, then to be donated or sold cheap to someone else in a dire need.

Mainly my concern about the costs is possible surgeries, but I think I've found an idea how to make the best out of shitty situation. The only surgery that is an absolute must for me is GCS which I can get for free within the next 3-5 years, I will most likely opt for it and then save up money and later to a labiaplasty eslewhere, that operation is much less intrusive and the cost is a fraction of the full operation. That way I might end up with the kind of results I'm hoping for and have it much cheaper. Also I have plenty to work on, if the Finnish surgeon specialized on this is a good one, she should be able to make quite good job on me. From the little I know, this person has +15 years of experience which is a lot of surgeries. Afaik, there's only one or two people in Finland who do this stuff so that means they're working all the time... Anyway, this seems to be the way to go. Other surgeries I might never be able to get, there's little this and that I would love to get fixed but I guess I can live without if I have to.

[HelloDiDi]

164 days into HRT, three months of which on Lena EV currently as monotherapy. I have changed my dosage and cycle few times, right now I've been on 0,12ml/4,8mg once every 3.5 days. The numbers show that I might go a bit lower, my estimate to get estradiol down to 250 ng/dl would be around 3,5mg/0,875ml on the biweekly cycle. (Thanks to my good friend for helping to figure this out.)

Estradiol 354 ng/dl
Testosterone 37 ng/dl
Prolactin 375 (mU/l)

All hormone changes cause me rather extreme mental effects and the best mood I've had so far was when I started on Estrofem for the first time and also when I started injecting, for the first few weeks. My suspicion is that my sweet spot is somewhere a bit lower than where I am now, so the plan is to tweak the dose and see what happens. Also I'm planning on adding boron and later progesterone as soon as I'm stocked up on it.

What do you think about my T level, should it be suppressed even more or am I good to go like this? From reading my body, the suppression is sufficient. No function down there, I shoot blanks, no negative effects high T gives me...