15-02-2024, 03:02 PM
I was very close on deleting also my fb and Reddit accounts, deleting all pictures I have here... I took two sedatives and feel like a very tired zombie right now. It calms my mind enough so that I can stop crying, this is what I have them prescribed for. I was going into a full blown panic attack. Hyperventilation, almost puking, crying uncontrollably and feeling like dying. It literally feels like my heart breaking in pieces and my life is exiting my body. Its horrible.
I've talked about it many times, minimising internet usage, minimising exposure to dysphoria triggers and I'm going to do it now. I wont post pictures anywhere else except in private, on BN and maybe occasionally on facebook and I will follow NOTHING what so ever, just check replies on my own stuff and private messages and chats on Discord. I have to do something to protect myself. My transition is at very sensitive point right now. This internet shit totally ruins any joy from body changes and it destroys my tiny bits of confidence, it makes my dysphoria spiral into panic driven madness unless I stop.
I want to become beautiful, I want to cure my dysphoria, I want to fix my body. There's zero joy in it if everything around me is always ten times better. So I rather not look into anything and pretend I'm alright. I always feel better in real world anyway. I'm always perceived better in real world too as I'm not photogenic at all.
I'm hurting but I'm too tired to cry more.
I've talked about it many times, minimising internet usage, minimising exposure to dysphoria triggers and I'm going to do it now. I wont post pictures anywhere else except in private, on BN and maybe occasionally on facebook and I will follow NOTHING what so ever, just check replies on my own stuff and private messages and chats on Discord. I have to do something to protect myself. My transition is at very sensitive point right now. This internet shit totally ruins any joy from body changes and it destroys my tiny bits of confidence, it makes my dysphoria spiral into panic driven madness unless I stop.
I want to become beautiful, I want to cure my dysphoria, I want to fix my body. There's zero joy in it if everything around me is always ten times better. So I rather not look into anything and pretend I'm alright. I always feel better in real world anyway. I'm always perceived better in real world too as I'm not photogenic at all.
I'm hurting but I'm too tired to cry more.