08-11-2023, 08:47 AM
(08-11-2023, 01:35 AM)Billie Wrote: When I hear you talk about your looks I feel like you are having your opinion changed by self esteem, by being fluid and being female but a past of being male, and the lack of acceptance of yourself. I know I was not accepting my male body I seem to see myself as having breasts. I have been growing breasts for years and my opinion of my looks improved because I developed breasts. I cant convince you to accept who you are, what you look like, or change how you feel. My opinion of your looks is you should be proud of your strong beautiful attributes. Just saying a man does focus on a woman's features. If I was able to date you I would focus on your breasts, but you have a kind face and a character visible in your face that you experienced a lot.
How can I accept things that are plain wrong? And how can I accept or love myself when the outside reassurance and validation is very mixed and messed up? While I lack the ability to self perceive correctly... Its not going to happen on its own, I can't make up magical self love and self acceptance. Also I will not accept things I can change for better, only after I try every method there is for me, only then comes acceptance.
I happen to have some "strong" attributes that are simply way too masculine for my liking, things feel wrong and need to be changed. It hurts me so much that I can't change my height more than what HRT and pelvic tilt does, nor can I suddenly go from bulky and sturdy into graceful and slim. That is why I'm so much pushing for as accentuated curves as possible, I rather make the feminine bits more obvious as there are stuff nothing can change. My over all size is extremely annoying, it doesn't show in pictures but if you would see me next to a bunch of average cis women, I stand out like a sore thumb for being huge next to them. I don't like it, I don't like feeling like a lumbering giant. But if boobs are so big it pulls attention away from everything else, yea, that works and that's what I'm after. To have at least one part of my body being actually perfect when nothing else is.
But self acceptance, it comes with outside validation, positive experience and simply by fixing things. It will happen, I know it has to, but I can't accept faults I can make a difference with.
Character, you mean the wrinkles? Oh my forehead will be dealt with and that'll make me look younger for sure. I hate those things, its genetic as all my relatives have it and its very annoying. Guess why I rarely post a close up selfie? I look like crap, I look much older when all that definition and goddamn wrinkles on my forehead are at full display. lol. xD