06-11-2023, 01:04 AM
(05-11-2023, 04:03 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote: I'm taking a break from updating my thread. Especially from posting pictures. Especially selfies, no selfies. Its useless to show my face, I look like shit. I look fucking hideously mediocre and I'm almost never getting the validation I wish for. All I am for people is boobs, hips, maybe hair colour and some rare times some other detail, but I'm never beautiful. I'm never goregous, I'm never "beyond transition", I'm never anything that I see other women be called all the time.Hi Lara,
I'm having a very strong feeling of message received, its better to not be out in the open at all because I'm obviously not worth anything what I would wish to hear. I'm done with it. Note that I haven't posted pictures anywhere else either, only to some close people on Discord and nothing else. I don't want to because I'm not worth looking at. I'm crappy mediocre ugly ass nordic swamp creature and I'm better off not existing online at all. At least for now.
I would have some cool stuff about NBE to talk about and there are some big changes coming my way soon, but none of that saves my awful mediocre shitty face which is almost never worth commenting about. I'm also feeling very depressed lately, its like a repeat of the two previous winters and it feels somehow even worse than before.
There's no value in me, as a woman I'm worthless. I can't become a mother and I'm not even pretty so what worth do I have? Nothing what so ever. I'm so fucking sad with this, I hate internet, I hate my goddamn stupid lucky stars for this hideous bullshit fate. My body is totally wrong, its too big, gulky, masculine and ugly. My life has been doomed since birth as transition is inevitable and its ruining so much. I feel there's no life for me, there's no future. I have lost my social standing, my friends have largely abandoned me, I'm often lonely and I'm not even finding validation and nice things online as I'm not pretty enough.
I just hit 28½ months on HRT and there has been some nice things, but I don't want to share anything... Its worthless waste of time anyway. I might not post much, I'm feeling far too depressed for it. Everybody else are better than me anyway and worth more attention and everything. I might as well just stop posting anything. Its not gonna make me feel better.
I believe my first post here was trumpeting your beauty. Your inspiration and clarity of thought, regardless of your "mood" is transformational for me (at least and I think others). I have been struggling with this for a long time. I really appreciate you and your words. Pictures or no pictures: all the best in good health and well being. I believe that's all that really maters.