05-11-2023, 09:08 PM
(05-11-2023, 08:35 PM)MaleSise Wrote: Lara, it's hard for me to write some things in English, but I've already written something similar here. If I didn't know who you were and I saw you by chance in a photo without any description, I would conclude that you was a cis woman. You have incredibly large and beautiful breasts. I think that their very appearance causes envy among women themselves. Also, your face and your hair do not at all give the impression of a person in transition. Although you haven't undergone a surgical gender reassignment yet, you're more feminine than many cis women I've had the opportunity to meet and work with. Your pictures are phenomenal and I don't know if you are aware that you are a role model for many people here. I am not in transition, but if I were, your topic and your presence on this forum would be of great help to me. In a way, I compare you to Lotus. In fact, you are also a great help to me, because I have implemented many of your NBE methods in my therapy. We all have phases when we look in the mirror and see something else. Sometimes you should stop looking in the mirror and ignore your surroundingsIts ok, English isn't my first language either.
Thank you so much, such kind words. At very least, being stealth passing is the least of my problems as it has worked perfectly for quite long time now. This along with curves is what I'm really in luck with and extremely grateful for it. Yea, it likely is doing just that. I know at least two cases of a cis woman feeling envy towards me. To them I always say that my situation and existence is so troubled and painful quite often, there's nothing to be envied about it. And my face, good thing is lack of overly masculine features, but I feel that's the end of it.... I don't feel special or pretty, I can't do it on my own. Some times I see glimpse of it but those are just fleeting moments at best.
Oh gosh, I'm a terrible role model for anyone. Unless a troubled struggling intersex transgender woman is something to look up to. I'm really quite broken and definitely not in best mental health... My life since my late childhood onward has been quite turbulent and in many ways troubled and harsh, on other things very lucky and definitely unusual in many ways. Perhaps a story worth telling as I've ended up in lot of places and situations in which most people will never end up to. Then I've sufferered a lot and absolutely underachieved on all things considered "normal".
About being feminine, I always feel I'm never feminine enough no matter what I do about it, but this I think is largely dysphoria blinding me. I know so many trans women who battle with this same nasty feeling all the time regardless of how well their transitions are going. And there's definitely a need to compensate all things fem to feel better and to make up for the physical shortcomings which are not possible to fix. And I'm going to push it quite hard with this, I must as otherwise I'll live rest of my life in endless pain and inferiority.
Funny you mention that, Lotus is the scientist, I'm the witchdoctor. Her research has been a big help on everything I'm doing, I wish I was as good with the science lingo and remembering things. I know I've read much more than I can remember and in the end just stuck up with the things that have worked after much trial and error. I'm glad its helpful, I hope I'll have the motivation to write in depth about the lactation experiment I'm doing. Its going well, but not perfect, then again there are stones not turned yet on that.
Oh mirrors are terrible liars, some are nice, others hate me. I do that a lot btw... To the point of disassociating from my body, distracting, trying to not feel any of it. I should restart meditating btw. Back in the day when I was actively practicing, it helped me so much with depression and dysphoria (which I didn't truly understand back then yet!) and so on. Being able to calm down and feel only certain thoughts or feelings, but not feeling my body much at all is bliss. Its almost like dreaming while awake, existing without the problems that my body brings. I used to visualise a lot of out of body type of thing and it was just lovely. I've been just too stressed to get back into this as its very hard at first... Gosh I should really try to get into it again as I know it can help.