[Stevenator_]

Apparently the inner loop on the original has a smaller opening at the top of the loop vs. the knock-off Chinese brands sold on Amazon. Supposedly that small indent makes all the difference.

Check out the Original FuFu Clip from SoftXpressions on Etsy, here:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/SoftXpressions

[HelloDiDi]

This is the problem with the knock offs, for me the larger one is spot on but it needs careful placement due to the inner loop being so wide. Small difference could fix it I bet, this is why the original is usually a better fit.

I'm having a rough morning... Totally shocked and stopped. I just heard that a good friend and fellow musician had died, he was the guitarist of our thrash metal band from 2011 to 2018. I didn't even meet him in my new life as we didn't see each other for few years. I think he knew his flight might be short, lived every day like his last. He had had a heart transplant done when he was kid and those things are never certain to work. Apparently his heart gave up or his body rejected it despite the medication he was on. He was born in 1992. One of those guys who you never forget, his entire life was like a one endless guitar solo. Our park chemist and solo hero, everything is difficult except shredding.

Well, such is life, Pekka was finally Caught In a Mosh, may he stay Stoned and Rust In Peace. I will miss him.

[Stevenator_]

R. I. P. to Pekka who brought so much joy to others. May his memory live forever.

[tomi66]

Apparently the inner loop on the original has a smaller opening at the top of the loop vs. the knock-off Chinese brands sold on Amazon. Supposedly that small indent makes all the difference.

Check out the Original FuFu Clip from SoftXpressions on Etsy, here:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/SoftXpressions

I want one

[HelloDiDi]

Happy Halloween everybody. <3 ^_^ Or in Finnish happy Kekri, that's the name of the day of the dead in my language... Its cool how we have a similar old holiday right on the spot with European Samhain and the themes and celebrations are similar too, most of which has migrated to modern Christmas celebration.

I've been quiet on my thread for a while... There's something really awesome happening behind the scenes and I'm holding back on spilling the beans or breast milk this case. So I'm taking some time off of detailed updates and having some more time for myself. I've been arranging bunch of things and there's much less to stress about for now, a lot of waiting coming up and then big changes.

So far I've had three therapy sessions, fourth coming next week. Its ok, but I don't really see any dramatic benefit to talking with someone, I can't tell as its booked to last for one year so probably there will be some kind of progress coming up with it. Next year will be amazing. The biggest leaps with my transition are coming and biggest body changes along with it. Next year this time, I know I will look very different and life might be much happier in some ways.

For the end of the year, I will post maybe once or twice in length but not more. There's so much going on right now I just want to take it easy. ^_^ Expect amazing changes and good news in near future.

[HelloDiDi]

I'm not going to post pictures for a while. And I will likely not post pics of my face again at all. I'm not getting the validation and love I would wish I had... No one tells me I'm beautiful, pretty, passable, gorgeous... Its never these things, its always something about some other single feature or get downgraded to just boobs and hips.

I get it, I look like shit. Why would anybody lie and tell me I'm actually beautiful when I know I'm not? I'm some mediocre androgynous crap apparently. I see all other women being called beautiful all around me, every day I see it all over the place, this forum included. Why am I never seen pretty or beautiful or anything like that? I never get the kind of superlative praise all otther women seem to have. All those who are conventionally attractive and fucking perfect!

Well I'm done with it. Posting selfies is useless. If the only people calling me beautiful are the ones who look at me with rose tinted glasses for having a crush on me and no one else says a thing, it tells enough. No pictures because I look like shit, I'm not feminine enough, I'm not conventionally attractive, I have ugly shovel face nordic genetics and put almost no effort in it anyway. I guess I could be pretty if its painted on and otherwise I'm worthless.

I'm having rough time even without this, better just not post anything, especially not pictures. I wish I was born right and borh with pretty facial features but I look like a fucking swamp troll.

EDIT:
Or hey, maybe I'll jump onboard and do loads of makeup, filters and photoshop too? That's what everybody is doing anyway and no one can't see anything past it anyway... Being natural is ugly these days so why the fuck not be just as fake and painted on as everybody else? Maybe then I would be considered pretty too.

[tomi66]

DiDi,
Why so down on yourself. I have always thought you're very pretty. You have been an inspiration to the those on here seeking HRT and transitioning. You don't need makeup or filters. Save the makeup up for me, without good makeup I am just a guy in a dress, you look like a lovely lady without all that.

[HelloDiDi]

Thanks Tomi.

I have huge body image and confidence problems. Imagine how these pair along with extreme end of gender dysphoria? I'm upset because I used to have the male version of "pretty privilege" in my old life and I now very clearly see it, and the stark contrast of what my life has become since starting transition. I'm obviously not nearly as attractive and pretty as a woman than what I was when perceived as a man.

I deal with loss of looks in a way that others perceive me. And I also know how beautiful women are treated, I know the power and importance of looks. Its undeniable. And also worth seeking and I'm truly trying... With everything but the painted of beauty for which I'm far too tired most of the time at this point.

Also I'm most of the time not getting the kind of validation and love I would want to have, which I see other women get all around me. This happens mostly online these days as I have nearly zero social life. Almost all friends have quietly abandoned me. But I've seen this from close proximity for years back when I used to date a woman who was nothing short of stunning trophy girlfriend. Anyway, I just see it all over me... Mostly cis women getting treated so much nicer, they're getting such compliments I rarely ever get. Except from few transwomen who are biased for having a crush on me or being in my close circle somehow.

It just hurts. I don't know how I truly look like because I can't perceive myself, then I get mixed response from others and see other women have it much better. Not going all in with "painted on" beauty is likely where I fuck up, I should just do it all, get dolled all the time and use filters and photoshop everything to hell and back. Maybe then it could work out better? But then I would feel like faking it and fooling myself, presenting myself in an unreal way and that's really not in character for me.

I need others to help me out with this, with perception because mine is flawed, with confidence because that comes from outside, it can't be magically made out of nowhere, it comes from positive life experience. I know this from past because this is how it used to be. But as a man I think I was regarded being much better looking than as a woman. I feel so mediocre and I hate it because I refuse mediocrity, I'm far more than that. To me accepting mediocrity is like admitting defeat and I'm not such a loser. Too bad I can't ever afford FFS, I would jump on the opportunity right away as that could make quite a miracle.


There's also something I want to point out, due to what I'm up to with lactation and NBE, my hormone balance has been quite dramatically shifted so I'm having much more mood swings and being far more emptional from normal, so give me some slack with emotional posts, I might need to vent a lot.

[Mashtenn]

I'm sorry that you're down.  You've come such a long way and have inspired me to continue with my development.  You're a wonderful person and should be proud of yourself.  I wish you the very best.

[Billie]

I realized I had gender disphoria when I looked in the mirror or into photos of myself. I see my breasts as small and not the actual size they are. I would say I think they are a b cup. But when I measured I found they were a C and now a D cup. Some feedback I got regarding the size of my breasts included my GP. He said I have breasts like I need to fix something with me. I had to remind him I started growing breasts when I got Cauda Equina lost most of my T. He told me about my blood tests being neutral Progestin Estrogen and T. Each time my GP says I must act on this info. Plus when I was sick in the hospital I was shirtless a lot and my visitors saw I had large breasts. My father in law said I need to try to get off meds to shrink my breasts.  Then we sat together at the pharmacy and he saw my medication. He realized I cant get off meds and I was not shrinking my breasts.