31-08-2023, 10:50 AM
That is the reason why I have no time to wait. My youth was stolen from me, I still have the tiny remnant of that left... I still have time to become actually pretty and live a lot which I couldn't when I was younger. Dreams of the little girl who wasn't allowed ANYTHING at all for thirty seven years. I want to try to somehow catch the lost time and it feels like its a dream too far, I can't be as energetic any more, I can't become actually beautiful and it feels like there's only second places and consolidation prices waiting for me. I should have been smarter and more far sighted, people should have understood me better, there should have been information about everything so I would have understood it earlier.
But none of that happened so what choice I have other than push it right now, not wait, but do everything as quickly as I can because I want to live. I can't truly live until my body is completely fixed, I just can't. These are complicated matters and I'm absolutely pissed that I couldn't do this when I was like say twenty. Forty is not like twenty, nothing is like that... Social life can't be it, my body can't be it either. I have to try to save what I can. I feel like I got started on the last possible minute before T dominance completely wrecked my body, it was already on the way to it and aging into an old man terrifyed me. Becoming milddle aged woman feels way better, but I refuse to do that now, I have lost youth to relive somehow and I must do my best or I'll regret forever. Maybe I'm stupid with this but I have to pursue my dreams or I will lose all will to live.
About lactation, its getting really interesting. On the first round I was so surprised to find out that I get started below the typical levels required for it. And this morning, I woke up super early and my boobs were aching so intensly, I think it was on a whole new level. Later in the morning before first pumping session I milked so many droplets, its turning from drops to streams very soon. Each session makes everything soaked. Its getting so good so quickly, today is fifteenth day pumping like this and I haven't even changed my supplementation at all, just usual GABA, Blessed Thistle and oats. I'm really excited because if I go into full lactation soon, how will that react along with the topical program and bovine ovary? This might truly turn into biggest growth spurt I have ever had, last two months seem like its already here and I think lactation can only make it better.
But none of that happened so what choice I have other than push it right now, not wait, but do everything as quickly as I can because I want to live. I can't truly live until my body is completely fixed, I just can't. These are complicated matters and I'm absolutely pissed that I couldn't do this when I was like say twenty. Forty is not like twenty, nothing is like that... Social life can't be it, my body can't be it either. I have to try to save what I can. I feel like I got started on the last possible minute before T dominance completely wrecked my body, it was already on the way to it and aging into an old man terrifyed me. Becoming milddle aged woman feels way better, but I refuse to do that now, I have lost youth to relive somehow and I must do my best or I'll regret forever. Maybe I'm stupid with this but I have to pursue my dreams or I will lose all will to live.
About lactation, its getting really interesting. On the first round I was so surprised to find out that I get started below the typical levels required for it. And this morning, I woke up super early and my boobs were aching so intensly, I think it was on a whole new level. Later in the morning before first pumping session I milked so many droplets, its turning from drops to streams very soon. Each session makes everything soaked. Its getting so good so quickly, today is fifteenth day pumping like this and I haven't even changed my supplementation at all, just usual GABA, Blessed Thistle and oats. I'm really excited because if I go into full lactation soon, how will that react along with the topical program and bovine ovary? This might truly turn into biggest growth spurt I have ever had, last two months seem like its already here and I think lactation can only make it better.