31-08-2023, 06:10 AM
Rushing? The only thing I rush with is getting my body fixed. I'm soon forty years old and I wont even have my body ready by then, I don't have time to wait for anything. If I were twenty, then there would be plenty but I've waited all this all my life... Waiting time is over, now its do or die. And rush, absolutely because I feel I have no choice, I must fix myself. Also I have other things to deal with too, all of which sit idle as long as my transition takes.
Oh meditation, it would be great to do, its been ages since I really did it much. But tryt to push ADHD mind into meditation and focus? Ain't gonne work really easy. Either I can't concentrate or I over concentrate. The crazy hyperfocus is actually kinda good because when I have a passion to something, I obsess about it and I can achieve amazing things in short time if I just keep at it. But its also exhausting, transition right now is the passionate hyperfocus thing and an obsession and it has also made me very tired, but this is the only way I achieve things for real, I can't funtion otherwise because my brain doesn't work in a normal fashion.
Speaking of which, interesting observation I did at one point, I thought I was crazy but later found out that when tired etc., while falling asleep, "seeing sounds" is a symptom of overly connected brain, meaning that there are more nerve connections between the lobes than normal. I bet this has to do with the crazy over thinking hyperfocusing mind I have. Those extra connections can under certain conditions make sounds become visible and what else, almost like what psychedelics can do but its all just about literally over wired brain. If I could choose, I would so much want to be neuro normal instead, my life has been quite a mess and very difficult at times because of all this.
Btw, I'm barely awake, having oats and coffee and pumping my boobs, I had massive crazy aches last night and this morning I milked so much, droplets nearly becoming streams. No wonder they ached as they're getting fuller. This pump is amazing!
Oh meditation, it would be great to do, its been ages since I really did it much. But tryt to push ADHD mind into meditation and focus? Ain't gonne work really easy. Either I can't concentrate or I over concentrate. The crazy hyperfocus is actually kinda good because when I have a passion to something, I obsess about it and I can achieve amazing things in short time if I just keep at it. But its also exhausting, transition right now is the passionate hyperfocus thing and an obsession and it has also made me very tired, but this is the only way I achieve things for real, I can't funtion otherwise because my brain doesn't work in a normal fashion.
Speaking of which, interesting observation I did at one point, I thought I was crazy but later found out that when tired etc., while falling asleep, "seeing sounds" is a symptom of overly connected brain, meaning that there are more nerve connections between the lobes than normal. I bet this has to do with the crazy over thinking hyperfocusing mind I have. Those extra connections can under certain conditions make sounds become visible and what else, almost like what psychedelics can do but its all just about literally over wired brain. If I could choose, I would so much want to be neuro normal instead, my life has been quite a mess and very difficult at times because of all this.
Btw, I'm barely awake, having oats and coffee and pumping my boobs, I had massive crazy aches last night and this morning I milked so much, droplets nearly becoming streams. No wonder they ached as they're getting fuller. This pump is amazing!