30-08-2023, 11:22 AM
This is something I just wrote on my Discord server... I just need to vent and shout this to the void. I dunno if anyone would have any answers or ideas anyway. I think I've heard it all already.
I'm kinda pissed off.
What to do with my obviously stuck up sexuality? I don't know what to do with my body when its not finished and ready... I can't be spontaneous with anything, I can't even please my partners as I'm sort of semi asexual or something these days, I very rarely feel that I want to do anything at all. I can't be without any thoughts of sex for weeks upon weeks, then feel on the mood for a while and its gone again and all actual doing stuff feels awkward and wrong because my body is messed up and not ready. It makes my dysphoria go totally nuts when ever someone sees my genitals let alone touches down there or anything like that.
Its so strange how it seems like most trans women become totally hypersexual overly horny at all times and go nuts with it and hav fantastic sex lives... And then I get stuck up, not knowing what to do and how and most of the time I'm just not on the mood. Yet at the same time I have needs which are not being met at all, mostly because I'm not on the mood almost ever. How to deal with this? What can I do?
I feel that I somehow broke my sexuality back in the day and burned out somehow. The moment the physical urge was gone along with T dominance, I've felt such peace of mind but also this weird aversion to sex. And I still have needs and not getting much anything for over two years is really making me crazy, its doing very bad things to my mental health and its ruining what little confidence I have. Yet I just can't force myself into it. What to do? Its so annoying... And having my body ready will take another two years no matter what I do. As long as my genitals are not rearranged, this problem will persist to some extent. At least now I don't hate my body at all times when someone is close to me. It feels like kisses and cuddles are often enough, but still it isn't. I'm not ace, I have needs and its so rare that I'm on the mood. And then I'm supposed to look at others who go totally crazy with it. Like how? How is it suddenly so amazing the moment they get on HRT? Huh? How does that work? I really wish I knew so I could feel fine with sex too.
I'm kinda pissed off.
What to do with my obviously stuck up sexuality? I don't know what to do with my body when its not finished and ready... I can't be spontaneous with anything, I can't even please my partners as I'm sort of semi asexual or something these days, I very rarely feel that I want to do anything at all. I can't be without any thoughts of sex for weeks upon weeks, then feel on the mood for a while and its gone again and all actual doing stuff feels awkward and wrong because my body is messed up and not ready. It makes my dysphoria go totally nuts when ever someone sees my genitals let alone touches down there or anything like that.
Its so strange how it seems like most trans women become totally hypersexual overly horny at all times and go nuts with it and hav fantastic sex lives... And then I get stuck up, not knowing what to do and how and most of the time I'm just not on the mood. Yet at the same time I have needs which are not being met at all, mostly because I'm not on the mood almost ever. How to deal with this? What can I do?
I feel that I somehow broke my sexuality back in the day and burned out somehow. The moment the physical urge was gone along with T dominance, I've felt such peace of mind but also this weird aversion to sex. And I still have needs and not getting much anything for over two years is really making me crazy, its doing very bad things to my mental health and its ruining what little confidence I have. Yet I just can't force myself into it. What to do? Its so annoying... And having my body ready will take another two years no matter what I do. As long as my genitals are not rearranged, this problem will persist to some extent. At least now I don't hate my body at all times when someone is close to me. It feels like kisses and cuddles are often enough, but still it isn't. I'm not ace, I have needs and its so rare that I'm on the mood. And then I'm supposed to look at others who go totally crazy with it. Like how? How is it suddenly so amazing the moment they get on HRT? Huh? How does that work? I really wish I knew so I could feel fine with sex too.