15-08-2023, 07:04 PM
(15-08-2023, 06:50 PM)p_r_1974 Wrote: I see a beautiful woman! I also understand that we are hard on ourselves. Chin up when you can.Thank you. Just another rough day... Comes and goes like this but today there's a thing going on in family I should be happy for, but I can't. It just hurts too much but I can't choose family much, not mine and not my partners family. I have to deal with the fact that there are young, pretty, perfect cis women around who are getting to live all my dreams which have been completely crushed by the cruel fate of being born with dysfunctional body that cannot do what its supposed to.
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I can't become young again. I don't think I will ever get such pretty privilege as a woman as what I had in old life. I can't get pregnant and have kids. I can't even be a surrogate mother, let alone be the aunt and great aunt to my brothers kids and grandkids... I can't live the dreams of the little girl who was trapped and imprisoned within this overgrown messed up body for so long time. She can't even become a young woman. I'm becoming a soon middle aged woman. To top off this dumpsterfire, I'm having quite obvious age crisis coming up because I'm forty years old in few months and I have seriously underperformed with everything that was expected of me.
When I say I don't have much more than my transition, I mean it... Then there's my faince, girlfriends, my dog and my hobbies... Very few friends. But that's about it all and transition and fixing my body to be as perfect and feminine as it can become is what keeps me motivated and going on. I guess all in due time and transitioning is like twenty years overdue, I'm too old to wait for anything, life is short.
At least I had a nice walk today and I love to stealth pass when I'm out there.