24-07-2023, 02:22 PM
It'll be alright... I just need some time in peace and quiet to unwind and recharge. This anxiety episode is mostly caused by social exhaustion as I've had way too much interaction lately, some bad stuff my bandmates did/said, internet spewing very triggering stuff, having to further limit exposure to things such as the war news. I stopped following the whole thing, its too depressing and just too much on top of all other pressure I have.
I'm supposedly not deficient with any nutrients as I'm eating quite well and supplementing a whole lot, I'm not supposed to lack anything. That's not the thing with my anxiety. Its from my mental disorders + gender dysphoria that does it. And yes I'm sure I can get more than one diagnosis for mental disorders as I have lot of trauma and stuff I've kept inside for decades without trying to heal. Its too much to dig into the details as overanalysing my mind will escalate everything and that's the last thing I need right now. Some days off of everyhting will likely help more.
I hate this because my anxiety/panic stuff is preventing me from being functional and achieving some stuff I must to get going with my transition, and without being able to get these things dealt with, my mental health is impossible to improve. It feels like a stalemate of worst kind but I must manage somehow. I wish I could get better help but I can't or I'll risk getting any treatment for my dysphoria (surgeries) from the healthcare system.
Enough of that stuff, I tried a new haircolour. Cheap non permanent natural one, easy to redo and looks so nice. Someone said it makes me look younger. Anything that does is so welcome. I think warm colours do wonders with my skintone. Speaking of which, I think I look much better as I've got a nice tan and eating a whole lot of carrots is helping too. Kinda feel that I'm glowing so much lately. HRT alone is magical for skin but some sunlight and carrots appear to be amazing.
I'm supposedly not deficient with any nutrients as I'm eating quite well and supplementing a whole lot, I'm not supposed to lack anything. That's not the thing with my anxiety. Its from my mental disorders + gender dysphoria that does it. And yes I'm sure I can get more than one diagnosis for mental disorders as I have lot of trauma and stuff I've kept inside for decades without trying to heal. Its too much to dig into the details as overanalysing my mind will escalate everything and that's the last thing I need right now. Some days off of everyhting will likely help more.
I hate this because my anxiety/panic stuff is preventing me from being functional and achieving some stuff I must to get going with my transition, and without being able to get these things dealt with, my mental health is impossible to improve. It feels like a stalemate of worst kind but I must manage somehow. I wish I could get better help but I can't or I'll risk getting any treatment for my dysphoria (surgeries) from the healthcare system.
Enough of that stuff, I tried a new haircolour. Cheap non permanent natural one, easy to redo and looks so nice. Someone said it makes me look younger. Anything that does is so welcome. I think warm colours do wonders with my skintone. Speaking of which, I think I look much better as I've got a nice tan and eating a whole lot of carrots is helping too. Kinda feel that I'm glowing so much lately. HRT alone is magical for skin but some sunlight and carrots appear to be amazing.