19-06-2023, 07:17 PM
I just feel absolutely horrible about not reaching goals which just about two months ago seemed obtainable... Then again, last +2 weeks have made a difference. But there's more than just body changes, I've been in a lot of existencial pain with a lot of stuff lately. This timing has me thinking about everything, my dreams and goals, transition, my age, my craving for feeling beautiful. My totally fucked up body dysmorphia to mention some. Maybe I should try to do the next measuring day for real no matter what it shows, I'm scared af that its going to be messed up. I have already missed it twice so more than a month without measuring. Its fucking up my diary on this and I can't keep up with it, it has become too painful.
At least I'm getting therapy dealt with, intro visit in two days and I must get along with this person, I have no time and patience for looking anything further and zero energy for any set backs. Things must move on. I've felt even suicidal and really depressed in tha last couple of days, very tired and stressed out. Too much all at once.
It'll get better, I want this two year thing to go by. I don't want to celebrate, I don't feel like it. I'm not feeling well at all. Its midsummer soon and I will be out of town for a while at our summerhouse with gf and fiance and my mom. So a little break and I pray it to be stress free somehow. Everything's just been too much all at once lately. My mind has been on overdrive. Its not healthy at all and I need somehow to get the fuck out of this circle of overthinking and dysphoria.
I'm just not feeling well and I'm not sure how to get out of this. Usually it hasn't lasted this many days in a row.
At least I'm getting therapy dealt with, intro visit in two days and I must get along with this person, I have no time and patience for looking anything further and zero energy for any set backs. Things must move on. I've felt even suicidal and really depressed in tha last couple of days, very tired and stressed out. Too much all at once.
It'll get better, I want this two year thing to go by. I don't want to celebrate, I don't feel like it. I'm not feeling well at all. Its midsummer soon and I will be out of town for a while at our summerhouse with gf and fiance and my mom. So a little break and I pray it to be stress free somehow. Everything's just been too much all at once lately. My mind has been on overdrive. Its not healthy at all and I need somehow to get the fuck out of this circle of overthinking and dysphoria.
I'm just not feeling well and I'm not sure how to get out of this. Usually it hasn't lasted this many days in a row.