18-06-2023, 10:20 AM
I'm hitting two years on HRT in few days, but I've been feeling absolutely awful lately... Extreme dysphoria, desperation and self hatred. Too much to explain why but its mostly just more of the same shit as before. I'm feeling so ugly, worthless. I wont make it into any huge fanfare, there's nothing to celebrate about, its just another day like any other.
I'm having time on the transclinic social worker tomorrow and I don't even know what they're going to talk about, likely just delay everything even more and make things even more difficult for me. I haven't been able to look for a therapist, I haven't been able to renew my legal stuff, everything has been on hold because I can't get anything done.
I have skipped two measuring days, body changes are going on as usual and everything's working out well on that regard but I'm not feeling like measuring or sharing anything or even mentioning the two year mark. I have removed all online interaction except for FB, BN forums and my discord server, there's nothing else left and I'm still hurting every day. Its been really rough but this seems to happen every time I'm reaching some kind of milestone. This just feels like nothing, its just the same tiring depressing grind every day on and on....
My gf keeps telling me that she will help me to find the therapist and we will likely start looking into booking consultation for body contouring quite soon. During this year, I really feel I need some kind of change, my dysphoria is in some ways much worse than before while it keeps on getting easier on other things. I really badly need something good to come my way and I mean some big move on transition stuff. Healthcare is horrible, they're just torturing me by forcing me to wait and wait even more.
My new bra is way too big btw, otherwise great but the cups are super deep and there's no way to fill it any time soon, for that I need ton of more projection somehow so I'm forced to buy yet another bra and I picked one that I know for sure to work for me, one more Elomi Molly coming my way. I admit defeat, I haven't been able to reach any of the goals I had set for hitting two year mark, things have been too slow for that and my waist hasn't really went down. I have disappointed myself again. I tried to take too big bite, I guess I really need the body contouring and fat graft for this stuff. I can't wait much longer, every day waiting more and more becomes more painful.
I wish had something more positive to post about but last few days have been really rough on me. I might not post much for a while.
I'm having time on the transclinic social worker tomorrow and I don't even know what they're going to talk about, likely just delay everything even more and make things even more difficult for me. I haven't been able to look for a therapist, I haven't been able to renew my legal stuff, everything has been on hold because I can't get anything done.
I have skipped two measuring days, body changes are going on as usual and everything's working out well on that regard but I'm not feeling like measuring or sharing anything or even mentioning the two year mark. I have removed all online interaction except for FB, BN forums and my discord server, there's nothing else left and I'm still hurting every day. Its been really rough but this seems to happen every time I'm reaching some kind of milestone. This just feels like nothing, its just the same tiring depressing grind every day on and on....
My gf keeps telling me that she will help me to find the therapist and we will likely start looking into booking consultation for body contouring quite soon. During this year, I really feel I need some kind of change, my dysphoria is in some ways much worse than before while it keeps on getting easier on other things. I really badly need something good to come my way and I mean some big move on transition stuff. Healthcare is horrible, they're just torturing me by forcing me to wait and wait even more.
My new bra is way too big btw, otherwise great but the cups are super deep and there's no way to fill it any time soon, for that I need ton of more projection somehow so I'm forced to buy yet another bra and I picked one that I know for sure to work for me, one more Elomi Molly coming my way. I admit defeat, I haven't been able to reach any of the goals I had set for hitting two year mark, things have been too slow for that and my waist hasn't really went down. I have disappointed myself again. I tried to take too big bite, I guess I really need the body contouring and fat graft for this stuff. I can't wait much longer, every day waiting more and more becomes more painful.
I wish had something more positive to post about but last few days have been really rough on me. I might not post much for a while.