[HelloDiDi]

No one has ever said such things about me! You're a fucking disgusting dark bitter envious cunt! Hand of fate, so ironic name, guess what, your fate is to stay miserable and die cynical and alone. You have hurt my feelings big time, congratulations bitch! You can't succeed with transition, but you're fucking great on hurting others!

Thanks for ruining my day. You're such a lovely person. <3

[HelloDiDi]

You know what, Hand of fucking cynical fate!!!

At least I'm not a pathetic skinny piece of rope! Yea, I'm frigging big, and I'm curvy and I'm pretty and people read me as female all the time! And yes, you mother fucker hurt me where it truly hits home, to things I can't change! But I don't need to adhere to dumb as fuck fascist beauty standards to pass or to be happy in my body. I'm not the only big woman around here, I have cis female friend who's bigger than me, she's taller and has wide shoulders, no one's ever questioning her for it because she's gorgeous.

I like to flaunt my height and my wide shoulders, I'm not scared and hiding my features... And as if by magic, it frigging works. I've had guys hit on me both in real life and online, I cis pass all the time, and yet I'm just an overgrown big ugly masculine ogre to bitches like you??! How does that compute? Because I'm not a cynical loser like you!

Suck it up, buttercup. <3

[HelloDiDi]

[HelloDiDi]

I never thought I would get bullied for my looks again. I faced it all the time when I was kid. I was bullied from age seven to sixteen almost without breaks, every year in school was absolute nightmare. Those kids who saw it fit to lash out on others as if its entertainment, their disgusting behavior left me with probably life long mental scars which are yet to even heal and that was long time ago.

They picked everything apart, I was bullied for my long hair which was so thick and pretty back then, much better than what it is now. My mother used to say it often while brushing it that many girls would envy me for it. Kinda ironic as I am a girl. I guess she was right. I was bullied for being fat, so they said, but I was chubby which seems to be what I still default into, to this day... I was bullied for being big. Funnily enough, there were other kids who were way bigger and chubbier than I was, but I guess I make such a good target for being so delicate and kind. They bullied me for "being a girl". That was literally what they said, in hindsight its awesome, even those bullies knew what was going on. I was gendered as a girl all the time when I was kid. Its no wonder when I look at old pictures, on my class pics, I don't stand out from the crowd, I look nothing like the boys did. If I didn't tell which one I was, people who don't know can't pick me out, they just see one of the girls there, the only one who's wearing a Megadeth shirt. I was indoctrinated to think that I'm big, fat, ugly, no good for anything. How stupid it was that I started to believe them? This resulted, along with my first puberty, into extreme self hatred, envy and bitterness about life and to me having awfully twisted body image. I became depressed as my self loathing went to such extent it competes with Darth Vader. (I guess I could have made a good Sith Lord in SW universe. xD lol.)

All this same shit that has been thrown on my face in the last two days here, this is exactly the same kind of hateful mumbo jumbo I had to listen to every day when I was kid. And I know its all lies and bullshit! The reason why it hurts is not about giving me a punch about my body, its because it rips open all decades old wounds and send me back in time to when it felt like I live in Hell and the only way out is death. I genuinely believed so, until at about fourteen to fifteen years old, I started to make friends, and girlfriends, both romantic and platonic. Some of them read me as female without anyone ever saying a word about it and I got treated right. I had friends and started to feel somewhat happy and even a bit confident that hey, I'm not a horrible ugly big fat pig, I'm a human being and I'm worthy of being loved too, not only bullied and beaten up. Around the same time I learned to stand my ground and punch the fuckers back because that was the only thing they obeyed. Unfortunately these qualities never leave some pathetic people who get off of hurting others...

I'm not sure how wise it is to open up so much, my naive openness leaves me vulnerable to cynical loser bitches and bullies. But it also brings in the right friends. I've been beaten up verbally and physically enough many times, I don't think I deserve any more bullshit from anybody. Specially as a thank you for my kindness. I'm like a really nice golden retriever, I'm kind and smile all the time, but I bite hard as hell if I'm driven to a corner and hit with a stick enough many times.

Jedem das seine.

[HelloDiDi]

My day is ruined. I'm feeling extremely dysphoric and overly self aware. Its injection day so maybe getting my E on rise will help. I feel ugly. Bulky and clumsy... I'm hurt. And its so silly, some dork online can drag me down to the same dysphoria hell she lives in, just by few well placed words. I feel like I'm weak minded fool.

I was planning to post a really cool breast growth timeline picture I made, its not ready yet as its going to cover first year on HRT, but I thought I might have shown it already. but now I'm not on the mood any more. I'm so sick of this, I may take a break from the forum, I dunno. I don't post here to be bashed and treated like dirt. I'm already struggling with confidence and body image without someone taking a punch at me. And sorry for venting like crazy, but I want this garbage out of my mind.

Nice thing today, my boobs are very itchy and sensitive, we all know what that means.

[yayboobs]

sucks you had a rough day, hope it gets better

[HelloDiDi]

sucks you had a rough day, hope it gets better

It will. I just hardly have any sense of justice here... But I guess that's my part, to be strong enough to take beatings in one way or another, I always get up anyway. And them kill them with kindness. <3

[bash42]

My day is ruined.

Don't let the haters win. Looking over that persons posts they are either very mentally disturbed or a troll. Either way, nothing they say should be trusted or even acknowledged.

When I look at your pictures, I don't see someone who "looks like" a woman, I see a woman. And I believe everyone else who follows your thread would agree.

Women like you inspire others. I know I was fairly depressed believing I would never be on the outside who I felt like on the inside. Then when I came across this forum and read stories like yours and others it really helped me and gave me hope. I tried some PM and got a small taste of my dream.

As dumb as it sounds, I started on this forum looking for ways to make boobs. But now I'm hear to learn and watch other people's journey's because I see most of them are happy. And seeing others be happy makes me happy, god knows there is enough unhappiness in this world.

Ok, that's enough from me....back to lurking.

 Nice thing today, my boobs are very itchy and sensitive, we all know what that means. " alt="" title="">

More pics coming soon to save to our "homework" folders?  " alt="" title="">  jk

[HelloDiDi]

My day is ruined.

Don't let the haters win. Looking over that persons posts they are either very mentally disturbed or a troll. Either way, nothing they say should be trusted or even acknowledged.

When I look at your pictures, I don't see someone who "looks like" a woman, I see a woman. And I believe everyone else who follows your thread would agree.

Women like you inspire others. I know I was fairly depressed believing I would never be on the outside who I felt like on the inside. Then when I came across this forum and read stories like yours and others it really helped me and gave me hope. I tried some PM and got a small taste of my dream.

As dumb as it sounds, I started on this forum looking for ways to make boobs. But now I'm hear to learn and watch other people's journey's because I see most of them are happy. And seeing others be happy makes me happy, god knows there is enough unhappiness in this world.

Ok, that's enough from me....back to lurking.

 Nice thing today, my boobs are very itchy and sensitive, we all know what that means. " alt="" title="">

More pics coming soon to save to our "homework" folders?  " alt="" title="">  jk

With my insecurities, ignoring such bullying and bashing after trying to be nice, its just impossibly difficult. That kind of behavior takes a direct punch at my weak spots which I talked about in an earlier posts. I'm quite delicate in some ways, but also used to be treated like garbage, so it doesn't last for long. I wont let that dim my shine for long that's for sure. I guess so, I have never seen a man who would look much like I do excluding few obvious traits I can't fix. But then what? I'm a woman with a birth defect, I can't be perfect. Perfection doesn't even really exist as its subjective anyway. At least I'm making a difference and changing what I can where nature messed up.

Yes, more pictures and progress updates will be coming. I mentioned a timeline picture I made, its monthly progress from -3 months to one year on HRT, so there's five more months to be filled in. Boring frontal pictures all with similar angle and distance to make a good comparison. I'm finally paying attention on taking more consistent pictures. It was hard to find them, I couldn't match them all by the day, but the progress is as obvious as it gets. I may wait for a while before I post it, other updates along with pictures will likely happen first. Speaking of boobie magic, there will be some new stuff to talk about, mainly what works and how well and so on and then there's one thing I'm soon going to try out and see if it works for me. Its going be an interesting year. I have ambition to try to make this second year even better than the first if there's a way to have a say on it, so far it looks quite promising.

[HelloDiDi]

+1 year breast growth update

To get back on track and onto more positive subjects, this is +1 year of breast growth update, oh boy, did I wait for this. My breasts budded around Sep - Nov 2020, I don't remember the details, that could be found on my old NBE thread. On January 6th 2021 I expanded my NBE program to have D3 & MSM, that's when big changes started and my breast growth really kicked in. Those first months were painfully awesome. Around the same time I was figuring myself out and started outing myself to the world. It was obvious very soon that herbals would not take me where I wanted to be and I started to find out how to get on DIY HRT program... In the meantime I further expanded my NBE to what has been named "Lotus program" since as it follows her ideas to the letter. My NBE then continued with various tweaks and experiments up to June 21st.

The next day I ditched PM in favor or bioidentical estradiol and that started my medical transition for real. This last +7 months on HRT has been amazing ride! Crazy mental roller coaster and very unique experience and easily the best choice I ever did in my life. I sat on my gender problem for such a long time, in hindsight, it was glaringly obvious since my childhood and had I been better informed, I would have had jumped on this much earlier in life. I'm not regretting in a sense, that doing this now is much better for I am far more ready to take on major life changes and challenges that come with it.

Anyway, after bit over two months on pills, first Estrofem and then Progynova, I switched on EV injections which was godsend, my magic bullet. I have continued bunch of supplements on the side since my NBE program, pretty much everything that works in concert with HRT without side effects. So far its been great, I haven't had any health problems since PM gave me some DVT symtoms back in the day. My first labs some months ago were near perfect and I'm hoping to see even better numbers next time.

During this period my measurements have dramatically changed. Year ago, my bust measured at 46", band at 40". Latest measurement said bust 50,5" and band 36". My breast volume has doubled. I'm soon completely bursting out from my old 40 E goal bra with 38 H being the best fit at the moment with some depth to grow into as wide enough cups tend to be too deep. My waist has slimmed and I got hips now. My face looks much younger, I look closer to how I did at 20 than what I did at 34. My body and mental changes have been rapid, dramatic and overall extremely positive. Its way surpassed my wildest dreams on how much can change. I'm very blessed for this as I can't ever pay huge sums of money for surgical fixing of everything, but it seems that hormone treatment alone is doing so much good I don't even need to. I couldn't be happier about this, its amazing! I have some plans on what to try out and what to change and so on, my ambition is to make this year even more amazing than the last and yea, boob greed is a real thing. My goals right now, become better at being me, do everything in my power to help HRT do its work on my body and let my boobs grow as big as they want to. I'm already having quite a lot of neck and shoulder pain, not yet on my back, but I can sure feel the weight as my neck tells me that something's pulling downwards.

Oh yea, everybody loves boob pics? Here's some recent ones. I had to add one glam underboob pic. Btw, that's without pumping. Then another kinda usual one and then one to show what supple nips do these days, my nipples have grown somewhat and the suction cups bring it all out like crazy. I'm trying to get back on track with supple nips. Oh and Noogle, I pump one hour daily or every other day and take frequent breaks to allow my titties to recover. It seems that this works just as well as longer sessions, with less recovery time needed.

Last year was the most amazing year in my life, hands down! And this year is not going to be anything less. I will keep on updating when ever there's something worth talking about and I will share all the new things that pop out of the woodwork.

Happy growing lovelies. <3