Day 162
I have my labs booked for tomorrow. Its been tough time lately... Some things are a bit better, others worse. My mental health isn't too good, I'm not feeling too good. Lot of dysphoria and worry which I'm trying to shake and trust the process which is insanely difficult. I think I'm at the point where the awesome glory of a quick start has worn off and now its the slow grind of body changes and trying to learn new things. My energy to do things is pretty much zero, my motivation has taken a huge hit lately. I haven't been consistent with measuring, over two weeks of almost no data. I measured today and I had it like this a month ago. It might be fluctuation the fuck I know, it just seems that nothing has gotten better in a month. Except there's something more on my hips I think.
I'm extremely afraid that I will stall and things wont change... I'm supposed to add boron and PG to my HRT but I don't have the money for it, I have money for nothing. Its hand to mouth all the time, hell I can't even buy myself nice winter shoes. I'm so so afraid that I'll get stuck and my boobs will stall no matter what I do.... I haven't yet had a month with this little change. They got better few weeks back consistently and now nothing.
I don't want to go from awesome start to just another trans girl who's just like everyone else. I'm scared of failing.
I have my labs booked for tomorrow. Its been tough time lately... Some things are a bit better, others worse. My mental health isn't too good, I'm not feeling too good. Lot of dysphoria and worry which I'm trying to shake and trust the process which is insanely difficult. I think I'm at the point where the awesome glory of a quick start has worn off and now its the slow grind of body changes and trying to learn new things. My energy to do things is pretty much zero, my motivation has taken a huge hit lately. I haven't been consistent with measuring, over two weeks of almost no data. I measured today and I had it like this a month ago. It might be fluctuation the fuck I know, it just seems that nothing has gotten better in a month. Except there's something more on my hips I think.
I'm extremely afraid that I will stall and things wont change... I'm supposed to add boron and PG to my HRT but I don't have the money for it, I have money for nothing. Its hand to mouth all the time, hell I can't even buy myself nice winter shoes. I'm so so afraid that I'll get stuck and my boobs will stall no matter what I do.... I haven't yet had a month with this little change. They got better few weeks back consistently and now nothing.
I don't want to go from awesome start to just another trans girl who's just like everyone else. I'm scared of failing.