[Drew]

We do root but sometimes we are in our own little dilemma and not nice place and will become absent and seemingly uncaring and unwilling to respond or seem uninterested as we are thinking of ourselves.
It's a roller coaster as you know.
Some of your thoughts or emotion's are similar to mine but feel very much unqualified to give an intelligent response as personally can't figure out what I'm doing to myself to be able to offer any sort ot advice or support.

[HelloDiDi]

Thanks for the replies. <3

Ok, its Day 83 and something very interesting happened today. I didn't expect this yet and I'm going to close keep an eye on things. I experienced nipple discharge for the first time. Several drops of clear salty liquid when I squeeze my boobs. This happened after two hour pumping session. I did some research and apparently its quite normal thing to happen while on HRT and most likely it means that my breasts are becoming active, they're becoming functional. This thing can also be a sign of several health issues, but everything is pointing to my HRT really doing its thing. Before everyone goes on warning me and telling me to rush to see a doctor, don't worry, I will talk with my doctor with this.(Who ever the trans clinic books for me that is.)

From what I read, its normal and shouldn't be alarming unless the discharge becomes really strong, changes color etc. If this happened without being on HRT, then I would be rushing to the doctor right now... I will likely get labs etc., booked quite soon though, trans clinic interview is just bit over two weeks away.

Anyway, it seems that my boobs are really waking up and starting to become functional by the looks of it. The tape tells so too, crazy upward curve for the last few days for almost everything which is amazing. Growth pain and itch are creeping back too and the twins are really tender. The new thing is the discharge. Its not lactation btw, that could happen if I went on higher dose of Andocur which I'm not planning to do... I will drop off of it quite soon I think. I was advised not to stay on it longer than 2-3 months and I might drop it even before that.

[Drew]

Thanks for the replies. <3

Ok, its Day 83 and something very interesting happened today. I didn't expect this yet and I'm going to close keep an eye on things. I experienced nipple discharge for the first time. Several drops of clear salty liquid when I squeeze my boobs. This happened after two hour pumping session. I did some research and apparently its quite normal thing to happen while on HRT and most likely it means that my breasts are becoming active, they're becoming functional. This thing can also be a sign of several health issues, but everything is pointing to my HRT really doing its thing. Before everyone goes on warning me and telling me to rush to see a doctor, don't worry, I will talk with my doctor with this.(Who ever the trans clinic books for me that is.)

From what I read, its normal and shouldn't be alarming unless the discharge becomes really strong, changes color etc. If this happened without being on HRT, then I would be rushing to the doctor right now... I will likely get labs etc., booked quite soon though, trans clinic interview is just bit over two weeks away.

Anyway, it seems that my boobs are really waking up and starting to become functional by the looks of it. The tape tells so too, crazy upward curve for the last few days for almost everything which is amazing. Growth pain and itch are creeping back too and the twins are really tender. The new thing is the discharge. Its not lactation btw, that could happen if I went on higher dose of Andocur which I'm not planning to do... I will drop off of it quite soon I think. I was advised not to stay on it longer than 2-3 months and I might drop it even before that.

Congrats but ooooh so sorry about the discharge.
I do know it's not full blown lactation but even a slight amount of leakage can be very damp and boobs feel like they will explode. Worse is the smell if you have nowhere to clean up, its kinda, not milky but sort of difficult to describe smell, but you know. Not a pleasing smell at all. Suppose a bit like baby sick if I were forced to describe it but that's also not entirely accurate.
But most likely no need to worry, leakage happens to some of us, ha's happened to me on and off a few times with one bout of really productive Drew juice.....eeeew!
Don't know why this happens to some of us but it does so I wouldn't worry too much, just don't taste it! REALLY! Don't!

[HelloDiDi]

Well... Smells like nothing and tastes... Salty. xD Very mild actually. Exactly what I've read online about this. Curiosity killed the cat.

[Drew]

Well... Smells like nothing and tastes... Salty. xD Very mild actually. Exactly what I've read online about this. Curiosity killed the cat.

Salty? Really. Mine was just sickly sweet sort of like tinned condensed milk just sweeter and when drying smells awful.
Yeah...I did the taste test too.
I found it a bit difficult to find much online about this although I did stumble across something in some Asian mountainous country where a man with small children lost his wife and began to lactate. Don't know if this is wonderful or disturbing or even anything to believe so dismissed everything, but I am a very lazy person with the attention span of a 2 year old.

[HelloDiDi]

Day 93

The injection + Andocur combination seems to be working very well on me. My breasts have grown very quickly lately and I think I have quite rapid fat redistribution happening, its likely to just get better as I keep on going. I'm going to hold on about posting new pictures as the next time I do, I want to show a visible difference and perhaps make some sort of timeline picture again.

But there's something new which I'm finally putting to the test and that is a tincture made from caynne extract, ginseng extract and lemon juice. Sounds kinda silly, but there's some science behind this. Lotus's ideas once again, I will quote her below so I don't need to try to memorize all this, this is what the tincture is supposed to do.

To list all the science here would take a while, so I’ll summarize. The cayenne tincture reduces stomach fat
(central obesity) initiates aromatase via the conversion of cortisone to cortisol via 11-beta HSD
(Hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase, yes, this is new science) in breast tissue. Trust me, it gets more complicated from here.
And ginseng initiates the cAMP/PKA/CREB pathway which is a major breast growing pathway.
The ginsenoside’s in ginseng inhibits glucocorticoids, which is beneficial for breast growth.

So you make a liquid tincture with these, meaning 1 full dropper of each with 6-8oz of water,
squeeze in 1/2 of a ? (lemon, which lemon are acidic outside the body but alkalizing in the body...plus it inhibits T).
Do this 1-2x per day, and watch the tummy disappear, and help with breast growth.

I should have enough of the stuff for over a month to try this out which hopefully will be long enough to show possible results. I will start to keep tabs on this by measuring my bust - waist - hips measurements and the ratios.... Which right now are 124cm - 94cm - 120cm, the ratios being bust to waist 0,75, hips to waist 0,78. Not very flattering numbers as I wish to get both to about 0,69 to 0,70. This I will achieve if I gain both bust and hips to 130cm and loose enough from my waist to be 90cm. So its not insanely far away... My hips have been getting wider which is totally cool, no hip dips any more... And without any rigorous exercise, its all just hiking, drumming and HRT.

My breasts have been steadily getting bigger and heavier lately, specially areolas and nipples have definitely developed fast which is godsend. No idea how far it will go, likely worlds away as I have barely just began. Anyway, my full program now is the following:

0,14ml/5,6mg Lena EV injection once per five days, deep subcutaneous above buttock, alternating the spot each time.
12,5mg Andocur once every three days
500mg reishi extract pill every other day
Calcium + magnesium, vitamin D3 and MSM daily just before sleep
Caynne & gingseng & lemon juice tincture twice a day.

Plenty of massage, noogle pumping 1-2 hours once every 3-4 days, supplenips when ever I remember them.

Right now my bra size on the most conservative measuring is 85/38 G or 80/36 H. Some smaller bras fit nicely too, my shape is still kinda stupid for being so wide and shallow, but its definitely getting better lately as injections have given me a lot of new projection. Absolutely called for, I wish that development will keep on going.


Then something about other things... The fresh poly relationship didn't work out... So much promise and plans were kinda wrecked in a blink of an eye. My new gf decided to leave us for various reasons. I've been totally heartbroken and crying my eyes out for few days and its really hurting me to let her go. I can't even be angry at her even though I would have the reason to. I just can't. I don't want to blame her for anything... I just wish it would have worked out as me and my gf did such a big effort on making it happen and  I bet it would have worked out. I think it was called quits way too early and way too easy. There would have been months time to talk and figure things out... But well, there goes my dreams of having a TG girlfriend and likely most hope of ever living in a poly relationship. So yea, about having a real life friend and peer support, I'm back in square one... Let alone that friend being a lover also which would be a dream come true. Makes me so sad... My chances of finding trans friend here is close to zero, online friendships are not the same thing and there was such a promise of experiencing something new and unique and now its nothing but a broken dream. And I still love her, I can't just shut that off and it makes me hurt. As if I didn't have enough burden to carry. Anyway, I'm kinda moody right now. Perhaps next time I post things will be better.

[HelloDiDi]

Day 99



I'm excited, having a big time butterfly army in my stomach. The trans clinic phone interview is hour and half away. I don't know exactly what to expect, but I'm happy for this stuff finally going forward. I can't wait for them to help me out with labs and stuff. I hope they can give me some time table for things. Oh and I will insist for booking labs asap.




About boobs and stuff, I'm now on day 8 with the caynne & ginseng / lemonjuice tincture and to my surprise it seems that something related may be happening. I measured the best bust/waist/hips ratios I've had today. Also biggest cup size so far. I had some fluctuation with measurements again, all expected and business as usual. Today I got better numbers again. A pattern is emerging, there is an obvious about month long cycle which is like a wave of a rising tide, each time it goes a tiny bit higher than previous time. Starting injections obviously messed the timing up and my body is yet to adjust to it. I'm expecting this to settle into a pattern during next few months.





Yesterday I noogled and got absolutely fantastic swelling going on, I think it was a new record, didn't look that much different but definitely felt bigger than before. I snapped some photos, quite artistic this time. I should try to be more consistent with taking pics from the same angles with not as hard lighting to make more coherent timeline picture at some point... I'm bad with this as I take the pics on a whim and I really love to play with lighting. One absolutely called for development lately is my nipples, they've grown a lot, specially obvious when I'm a bit cold, they get much bigger than before and there's a definite change from some months ago. This and the added projection is really lovely and I'm hoping for more. It seems that I might be finally getting rid of the flat and wide look to some extent. Its obviously E doing its magic.



My cup size seems to be now by volume around 85 H / 80 I European or 38 FF / 36 G British. Realistically its still likely the G as the cups tend to be too deep for me.



Here's a picture update, after yesterday's noogling session. I dunno if there's any visible difference, they definitely felt bigger and heavier than before. Next pictures probably late October.



EDIT:
Ohkay, I'm gonna have the first doc visit inside next months. The psych treatment stuff will take about year and half, no idea when I get my diagnosis etc. I asked for a physical visit to Helsinki, I could have done it on a VC but I want the first visit to be an actual one. I need to book labs bymyself on a private doctor, once I get diagnosed, I will get that for free. So yea, that's gonna cost me if I want it done. I think I will because I have to know at some point where my levels are.


So yea, as expected, its gonna be slow and tedious, but things are finally on the move. I was surprised to learn that trans clinic only deals with psych stuff, all actual treatments etc. are done on the female clinic, normal hospital.

[Happyme]

YOU MADE MY DAY Didi!
Your such a beautiful woman. Inside and out.
its clear from your body's response that the girl inside is rearing to leap out.

My heart jumps for joy when I read your posts!
Love ya
Bobbi

[HelloDiDi]

YOU MADE MY DAY Didi!
Your such a beautiful woman. Inside and out.
its clear from your body's response that the girl inside is rearing to leap out.

My heart jumps for joy when I read your posts!
Love ya
Bobbi

Awww, thanks again. <3 ^_^ Your posts are so cheerful.

I'm happy about the changes, its been all going my way for sure. Some times feels a bit slow even though it isn't. Seems like injections were the magic I needed. Oh and noogling seems to work too, it just keeps on getting better... Hmm. Perhaps next month I'll make a post about other body changes, my hips have grown. Oh and after a month of daily measurements, I may be able to tell how does the Caynne & Ginseng thing work. So far too early to tell.

[Drew]

YOU MADE MY DAY Didi!
Your such a beautiful woman. Inside and out.
its clear from your body's response that the girl inside is rearing to leap out.

My heart jumps for joy when I read your posts!
Love ya
Bobbi

Awww, thanks again. <3 ^_^ Your posts are so cheerful.

I'm happy about the changes, its been all going my way for sure. Some times feels a bit slow even though it isn't. Seems like injections were the magic I needed. Oh and noogling seems to work too, it just keeps on getting better... Hmm. Perhaps next month I'll make a post about other body changes, my hips have grown. Oh and after a month of daily measurements, I may be able to tell how does the Caynne & Ginseng thing work. So far too early to tell.

Am so very sorry to hear the GF left didi, I think we all know how devestating the end of a relationship can be. Concentrating on yourself is a way of breaching the dilemma but not quite. So sorry. To be honest DiDi I do think a bi genetic female would be more appropriate,somebody who would not feel threatend or overwhelmed by your transition. I'm not qualified or educated in this area but just a feeling I have. I may be very wrong. Not the best person to give relationship advice as have ended my hopes of ever finding the one but it's just something I feel from you.