[wee2er]

Yea, she generally took it well... But as always with everything I do, she has some doubts. Which she doesn't dare to tell me as she knows I will not take any disagreement or lack of faith with kindness. This is her problem and the reason why I have hard to speaking about my life with her and very rarely do as she never ever believes in me and doubts everything. She called my girlfriend today and told things she doesn't dare to say to me. Such as she is skeptical as she said she knows her 'son'. That I pick up new things and get excited fast and soon forget about them...(I call that moving on as I want to try everything, that's just me being me.) She also said that she wont show up in public around me if I'm wearing what I'm wearing. But then added that I've always been good looking, but now I'm becoming really pretty.

What a mess, but totally excepted. She has no option but to accept things, but her lack of faith and constant doubt makes me furious! On this she's the polar opposite of my father who has always been supportive and never doubts me as he treats me as an adult and not a stupid little kid like my mother does.

I hate the need to prove myself to her... But lets see, in couple of years she can't tell me apart from a cis woman from anything except my personality and perhaps my voice. I'll prove myself once again if I have to. No need to guess much where I've learned my confidence issues, perfectionism and whipping myself to achieve stuff from. And my fear of failure too.  

About them clothes, yea, I'm getting more as I can afford it. But I'll keep a lot of the more androgynous look for sure, metalheads are quite a like on this no matter the gender, but yea, cool new girly stuff coming in soon and I'm planning for more.

On jobs, one thing is for sure, I wont work much on the physical male dominated fields of work... Construction and janitorial stuff will go and I'll do something else for sure. Not because of the work itself which I mostly like, but for the environment, coworkers, bosses... The people there, they're usually highly conservative and at least the older ones will have zero idea how to deal with a transwoman and will likely think I'm some sort of a sissy or weak or incompetent. Which I could of course prove wrong by doing, but I think I'm better off working somewhere else. I've been thinking to try to see if there's something that has to do with music or theater or any culture stuff, that would be close to my liking in general and the attitudes in those circles are inherently better. Customer service, nope, that will happen when a paper dog successfully chases an asbestos cat through hell. But anyway, any job that has more welcoming attitude about different people, that's what I'm thinking about. Or perhaps I'll finally find something that I could do myself. Skills + internet could maybe make up something for me, but that's just wishful thinking for now.

Don't worry about your mother, you came out to her, she took it well and only after the event has she thought to question.
You continue what you are doing and she will slowly but surely realise and accept that her son is now her daughter.
Job-wise, I would suggest using covid as an opportunity, turn it into something positive. What I mean is think about what you are good at and turn it into a business (it's what I have done) then use your story and experiences to sell. I know you are into drumming, can you do drum lessons, sell drum equipment etc or something else online. Use your assets and remember people buy off people, especially if they have an interesting back story.