[Alexis P]

Ok, its time to rant once again and then change the tone and tell some very nice stuff...

First of all, why in the hell do I have to be so overly sensitive? It seems like the universe is always trolling me when ever I feel too satisfied... Then I see the grass being greener and meet fantastic people who are way further down the road I'm barely taken my first steps into? Only to obliterate my already weak confidence by just being so awesome? Its so hard to be happy for them, when in their success I see where I don't hack it... Its difficult. And yet maybe a reality check and rude awakening is in place from time to time? I don't know, but its troubling me.

And then, those who are the closest can hurt the most, no doubt about it. I've heard it from two people today, more or less directly that I can not become passable. I was called a handsome 'man' today and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm no man. But I don't want to look like a guy in a dress either. Then I was told by none other than the closest person in my life that I will never look like a cis woman and that's a fact. Literally she said that. I broke down... I was already sad and moody and feeling like I'm ugly, clumsy no good forest troll.... A cat in pigs body trying to purr and be graceful.

Where does that stuff come from? As if others are in greater denial than what I am? I'm doing my best to get out of self denial, change my life, make myself so that I'm comfortable in my skin and not constantly irritated with million and one things. And then get told that no matter what I do, I will just always fail? Wtf??!! I'm not trying to prove them anything, just prove to myself. But I need that reflection from outside, I really care what the close friends and my SO think. They're the ones who mean the most and its them who come out to say inconsiderate things that are a punch below the belt where it truly hurts.



Then some nice stuff. Outing myself is going really smooth and nice. Two friends yesterday who were just awesome, two more today and these are the ones who mean a lot to me. My guitarist friend for twenty years, he took it so well, I was surprised. And I never knew his sister is lesbian and he's somewhat familiar with LGBT+ people already. Totally cool! And then my young friend who had made some nasty remarks in the past, also totally cool with stuff and he even complimented my looks. Even though I guess I am a clumsy overgrown masculine forest troll in some peoples minds.

Oh and the measurements, I'm on a roll. slimmest band length ever. I hope I will loose even more of that, bust the same as days before, this is very positive change. Boobies clearly growing nicely as they're not shrinking along with the band length. And my pathetic little nips, they're getting better too albeit worlds away from my dreams for now, but seems I'm getting there thanks to Lotus's fantastic advice on what to do about it. I wil post a picture here which I'm quite proud of... I heard someone say yesterday that hips don't lie. No you tell me, do they?

Sorry to hear it has been rough for you lately, but glad to hear your outing is going well, proud of you DiDi! Screw those rude people, their opinion doesn't matter at all, what matters is what you feel inside and what you really want. Also even though you may not be 100% passable for now remember you are still on herbals and not yet on pharma HRT which is the big deal for transgender women. You have still  A LOT of potential changes DiDi, i'd say it is more a matter of personality and learning to live more like a woman in daily life rather than just physics. Anyways your pictures is shocking! Look at those smooth legs! And hips! I see also your cute nips there

Even though you posted some pictures idk much the proportions of your body so i can't say much about it, but if you feel still some distress about what those rude people said: remember not all women are perfect models and some do look even less femenine than some (effeminate) bois, so don't worry about it.

Keep rockin' girl! You awesome <3