[HelloDiDi]

That’s awesome! It is funny how that progression seems to happen bit by bit. I’ve wondered where the line between effeminate man and masculine woman is, and which side I’d be most comfortable on? The funny thing is the idea of being an effeminate man used to really bother me, but now not so much. I guess a marriage and kids sorta removes the self-doubt on that front. At some point, all these categorizations are just fun mental games, and you go out and live your life.

I’ll be 37 in June! If we were closer together I’d totally find a place to grab a drink and celebrate! Assuming we can do that again 

It really is gradual... As time goes by I keep on leaning more toward MtF direction as its starting to feel way more comfortable. But one thing I'm quite sure about, the "tough" side of me will probably never leave me and I can conjure it up when ever I need to. But in my mind my toughness has always been the female variety. How can I explain it? Even when I bullied, it took a long long for anger to surpass my kindness, but when that storm is let loose, nothing is safe.

Oh heck it would be a lot of fun for sure! June? That makes you a Gemini doesn't it? Which day were you born on?

I was going to tell a little story here about my first (real deal) girlfriend and the bunch of friends I had back then. One of the happiest times of my life. I had several short teenage dates before her, but she was the first I absolutely fell for. She's a Gemini too btw. Gemini people always make me fall in love with them, I can't help it. I made friends with bunch of girls on the church confirmation school back when I was 14, little did I know that one of their friends was to become my first "long" relationship, for two times, first lasted three months, she left me. Later that craze ignited again and it took 11 months. That was a loong long time back when I was fifteen. Most of my friends weren't even dating yet. She was a sort of tomboy, both in looks and personality and I loved it. Her friends who I was already familiar with were the bunch to hang out together. Girls only about 90% of the time and I was just one of them, it felt so natural, we did everything a bunch of teenage girls do. That was the first time when this happened but definitely not the last... They liked to do my hair and some times a makeover, they shared secrets with me, I knew all the cool rumors about everyone and somehow it just worked. I was one of them and not "boyfriend of M" as it was with other boyfriends of someone in that little gang. I went everywhere with them, we did it all and it was so much fun. The first time in my life I had bunch of really cool friends with whom I felt sort of real kinship. More than with most boys up to that age. It was different. The amount of sex I had with M was just amazing, everything was new and exciting and fun back then. One of my favorite things was to read Demi which was a zine aimed for teenage girls, someone in the bunch had a subscription and I loved that stuff, it never felt awkward... The only thing I sometimes felt awkward with was when ever there was a clear divide about gender in some things. Heck we even went to sauna together and all, never an issue. Why would it be, we were bunch of best friends. <3

All things come to an end and so did my dating with M, she left me one day never telling me the reason why. She just packed her things and left. Just like every Gemini I've fallen in love with excluding friends. Along with her went my cool girl gang, I still miss those days as I've never had anything of sorts since. But that about three years time was amazing, I wont ever forget one bit of it. I revere those memories and still think how my best friends of the time are doing these days... Its been ages since I talked with them.