[Dana Mantra Eon]

Looks like you're in a world of hurt, and I'm sorry to hear that, Jannet. The first thought that came to my head is that you're doing this, so that so many people in the future won't have to. The more people like you transition, and the more accepting society becomes, the less relationships will be lost, and the less hardships future transgenders will have to face. You're paving the way, and that's heroic.

[jannet.duff]

Thank you all for the kind words and encurigment, it means a lot, now I need to go and wipe my eyes .

[jannet.duff]

Very upsetting to read this Jannet. I didn't realize your GD was so severe. Here's hoping that professional help puts you on the road to some kind of inner peace.

I'm thinking some of us do not relise how much effort we put throuout our lives to keep a cap on our GD. I used to work all the overtime I could, sometimes 80 hrs a week. Just to keep my self busy. I'm the last few years I have dropped my work load down significantly, now the GD is shouting to be heard. I have my appointment scheduled for March, so fingers crossed, we are getting there.

[Mindy2017]

Please keep positive. I too don't know how this will play out and at one point came close to ending it all. Too much id sooner not say. Get up one more time after being knocked down and fight. Ive lost 10 times, got up 11 and pray for 12. Just keep going!

[dcdee]

Janet
I feel your pain. I am in a similar situation as we speak. I do not want to hi-jack your thread so just let me say my thoughts are with you

Christina

[AlexisRene]

You are not to blame for how you were born nor the societal guilt some wish to impose.

Have been where you are at & it is not pleasant. The only things I can suggest are to reach out to others in your area. Friends in person are an entirely different thing than forums. The other is to set goals. No matter what those goals are, you need to lay them out to have something to point toward. I have been well intended, though aimless for a good many years. Just know that w/o the prospect of a better day, things can get pretty dire. Having goals in good faith can help much.

If I can help or you want to chat at anytime, am here or on fb. Will be thinking of you.

[jamixoxo]

I'm thinking some of us do not relise how much effort we put throuout our lives to keep a cap on our GD. I used to work all the overtime I could, sometimes 80 hrs a week. Just to keep my self busy.

Very interesting to read someone else describe my coping mechanism

My wife and I just had our "frank" ("Francine"?) discussion... she's a smart cookie; so I wasn't hiding anything, but I wasn't talking either. I still feel bad about bringing some chaos to the marriage (I'm the "fixer", not the "breaker"), because it feels like a step forward for me, but not for us. Anyway, I'm happy that it looks like we're going to be together a long time... had a lot of tears over that! I very much count myself lucky... and very sorry it can't be that way for you

-j

[jannet.duff]

Yesterday, I get a call from the hospital. ( I am at work so my wife took the message ). Apparently, I have an appointment to see a DR at the hospital, but they wont tell my wife what it is for. When I get home, and I Google the DRs name, it turns out it's a psychiatrist. Now, at the time of my crisis visit, as well as seeing the gender Psychologists, they were also going to set me up with a psychiatrist. I'm thinking, like WTF, this is a little late now. If I was still in that mind set, after all this time has past, I wouldn't even be here. Sigh.

[tanysquirrel]

*hugs* my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Depression is no laughing matter, as I have said before.

just know this my dear friend, that no matter what, you are you .. you need to be who you need to be. Denying who you need to be for the sake of others, will only result in bad things for you.

I don't want to sound callous regarding your marriage, but, if it needs to end, it needs to end, no matter "whose" fault it may be. If she cannot be happy for you/with you, then perhaps it is the best for you to end it, before it gets to messy.

In a perfect world, those around us we love, would love us no matter what. unfortunately, its not a perfect world, and we must try to navigate the horrors that we find ourselves in. we can only hope and pray that our loved ones will eventually come around and accept us for who we are. There is always that chance. 30 years together is a long time, I am sad to hear that it may end. But you need to do what is right for you, to be happy and complete.

Know that you always have friends here, friends you can talk to online or off.

I hope your appointment helps you quiet that noise.

*hugs*

[jannet.duff]

*hugs* my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Depression is no laughing matter, as I have said before.

just know this my dear friend, that no matter what, you are you .. you need to be who you need to be. Denying who you need to be for the sake of others, will only result in bad things for you.

I don't want to sound callous regarding your marriage, but, if it needs to end, it needs to end, no matter "whose" fault it may be. If she cannot be happy for you/with you, then perhaps it is the best for you to end it, before it gets to messy.

In a perfect world, those around us we love, would love us no matter what. unfortunately, its not a perfect world, and we must try to navigate the horrors that we find ourselves in. we can only hope and pray that our loved ones will eventually come around and accept us for who we are. There is always that chance. 30 years together is a long time, I am sad to hear that it may end. But you need to do what is right for you, to be happy and complete.

Know that you always have friends here, friends you can talk to online or off.

I hope your appointment helps you quiet that noise.

*hugs*

Thanks Hon, sadly I feel your right on the marriage front. Things are hanging in, in that area, so far anyway.