[jannet.duff]

I was in two minds on whether to post this. But as I think is relevant to a few other posters here, here we go.

I have posted before on my GD, I have felt "wrong" for as long as I can remember. Rightly or not, those feeling I have largely been able to bury and keep a cap on. That is untill around three years ago ( after 25 years of marriage ) I finally had to tell my wife. After dealing with the expected fallout from that ( to say she was not happy is an understatement ), life went on. She allowed me ( reluctantly ) to obtain some clothes , and eventually I joined a transgender support group. Now is where it gets sticky, the last few months the call of transitioning has been getting stronger. I have not been sleeping, the noise in my head keeps getting more insistent . In a never ending circle is goes around and around why I must, why I cannot, the loss of my wife, my family my friends , my job. This came to a crunch last Friday, on the way to work some goon pulled out in oncoming traffic , and I just shut my eyes. They ended up having to pass me on the gravel shoulder ( on my side ). All morning at work I planned that today, I'm going to put an end to the noise, to the deep depression I find my self in. Once I decided that it's time to end this, the noise went and I felt a lot calmer. After work, I took my self to the hospital and asked to see a crisis worker, as my mind is in a bad place and I am a danger to my self.
After a consultation a doctor gave me some medication to help me sleep and take the edge of the noise. I also have an appointment with a gender identity psychiatrist.

Life goes on, the struggle continues.

[Happyme]

Hi Janet,
I'm very sorry to hear of your troubles. Its good that will now get to talk over your though with a Gender competent psychiatrist.
You've done the right things so far, keep calm and I, and I'm sure all of use here, will be pulling for you and sending you good vibes, and prayers.
Hugs
Bobbi

[Mindy2017]

Janet,

I hate to say look for a bright side, because I know how dark it can be- however at this point I'd have to think you are exiting the tunnel.

[julieTG]

Janet

stay calm, stay with us and yourself

now that your talking to outside medical people will be great help as well

Julie

[jannet.duff]

Thanks for the words of support, it means so much when my head is in this dark place. Unfortunately, I suspect my marriage is just about done. That alone is not helping at all.

I should add, that after being together for over 30 years, and married for 28, for our marriage to fall apart over this is very hard to take. It is disheartening to realise that I am the cause, for something I seen to have no control over.

[CalmlyAndrogynous]

Janet, I wish you all the best. Getting a counsellor was one of the best things I did. Having someone to talk to without holding back is so freeing.

I am understand the call to transition too. Those of us who are a bit older know that the sooner the better in terms of effectiveness.

Society is changing and people's attitudes are doing likewise. You might be surprised what you friends and work think.

A transwoman was one of the finalists for Australian of the Year. She didn't get it, but her boss did who was well known for speaking out on her behalf as well as tackling misogyny in the military.

Best Wishes, CA.

[Billie]

I go to DBSA, Depression Bipolar Support Alliance, to get support free. My group meets at a Hospital that has transitioning programs and SRS surgery in ...... Beach. Also they have a Mental Hospital so a Doctor attends and those in trouble can be admitted. I met artists like me, transitioning folks, Depressed folks.

[-Tasha-]

oh Janet I'm so sorry to hear that.

I wish there was some advice I could offer but just know we're here if you ever need us. x

[Dianna1395]

Janett,
It sounds like you've made some real progress in dealing with things, though it's obviously not from the intended direction!
Remember progress is progress. ;-)

Every step brings you closer to who you are and want to be, and want to show the world.

Just keep going for now - the path isn't clearly marked, so you need to keep watching. But you're opting in now, and so, you'll get there.

-Dianna

[Wuerstchen]

Very upsetting to read this Jannet. I didn't realize your GD was so severe. Here's hoping that professional help puts you on the road to some kind of inner peace.