[throwaway]

im male in birth and see myself as male. after researching, i found out i got autogynephilia (kind of?). i dont always feel like it, it comes and goes in waves but it was always there. im feeling like having a feminine figure usually when i am aroused, and only then. i found myself in the last week researching and finding this site. 

the thing is now i am more capable and independent, so unlike other times i found myself ordering PM and RR, and while researching here i really got exited to be more feminine. i was always very emotional and gentle, and some other attributes which are stigmatized as feminine yet i do not wish to become a trans or something like that. and i mentally go back and forth about actually doing it (wanting to take the journey and at the same time cancel the order) . no doubt i will enjoy myself in private having results but i feel shame for my actions and worry a lot about my chance at dating women and the social environment around me (not that i was planning to get too far, but i worry about people noticing and their acceptance of this).

i dont know what to do and im looking for insight on how to manage the will to make a long-time fantasy true and my worries. thanks!

[PleasantlyFascinated]

Autogynephilia is nice.  I've had it for years.  At first I struggled to understand how to cope with it.  Now it is a realization of what is normalcy for me, in my present circumstances.  I like the handle of autogynephilia because it just means I like what I like, without needing to detract anything about how I'm made. 

[prostatenipple]

Oh wow. Ok I just looked up what that means, and I have that also when aroused.

im feeling like having a feminine figure usually when i am aroused, and only then.

Me too!
And only when aroused.

and while researching here i really got exited to be more feminine.

Me too again.
I got really excited when I found I could get an estrogen cream from the US, nearly bought it but chickened out at the last second. The thought of applying the cream on myself specifically to become more feminine was intoxicating.

i was always very emotional and gentle, and some other attributes which are stigmatized as feminine

I'm also emotional and gentle.
Much more than a typical male. At least some of the time.

i dont know what to do and im looking for insight on how to manage the will to make a long-time fantasy true and my worries. thanks!

I also don't quite know what to do for myself.

Have you thought of doing this partially? It might or may not be what you want.

For example, there are plenty of people here taking herbs to get a more feminine figure without breast growth, only to get breast growth just because that's how their bodies work. (The idea was that you need a lot of estrogen over a long time to get a more feminine figure, and that breasts react sooner to it, so you start growing breasts before you start noticing a change in your figure. Not to say that you can't get a figure first, just what I read here.)

Some might cross-dress for a while before taking herbs or hormones.

How do you feel about any of this?

[throwaway]

Oh wow. Ok I just looked up what that means, and I have that also when aroused.

im feeling like having a feminine figure usually when i am aroused, and only then.

Me too!
And only when aroused.

and while researching here i really got exited to be more feminine.

Me too again.
I got really excited when I found I could get an estrogen cream from the US, nearly bought it but chickened out at the last second. The thought of applying the cream on myself specifically to become more feminine was intoxicating.

i was always very emotional and gentle, and some other attributes which are stigmatized as feminine

I'm also emotional and gentle.
Much more than a typical male. At least some of the time.

i dont know what to do and im looking for insight on how to manage the will to make a long-time fantasy true and my worries. thanks!

I also don't quite know what to do for myself.

Have you thought of doing this partially? It might or may not be what you want.

For example, there are plenty of people here taking herbs to get a more feminine figure without breast growth, only to get breast growth just because that's how their bodies work. (The idea was that you need a lot of estrogen over a long time to get a more feminine figure, and that breasts react sooner to it, so you start growing breasts before you start noticing a change in your figure. Not to say that you can't get a figure first, just what I read here.)

Some might cross-dress for a while before taking herbs or hormones.

How do you feel about any of this?

I've done some thinking with myself.. came to the realization that i am who i am and there is no point troubling myself over this. Yes I have some small corner inside of me wishing to go on this path and i actually bought some stuff but the motive here was lust and nothing more. Since im not complete with the decision to do this im working on accepting the situation mentally and change the inner narrative by looking at my situation as a situation which is not good nor bad. Working on not framing it as a problem to be solved.

If one day i'll decide to pursue this then so be it. When and if the day will come - i will do so with a full heart.

whoever reads this - know there is no right or wrong. wishing everyone here self acceptance and good health.

[Curvyguy]

That all describes me too part of me wants to be female when aroused especially. And I do enjoy dressing and makeup now especially for my trans boyfriend he totally accepts me. I don't want to go down the hormones route as want to keep my fertility going. It's such a strong desire

[Heaven's Night]

AGP is kind of a pseudoscience... But that aside, what do you want to accomplish really? Would you be better off with something else than messing up with your hormone balance? None of my business, just wondering.

Herbal stuff alone is slow and ineffective, it can do some body changes but typically not much. Bovine ovary/pituitary/uterine etc. glandulars deal with real deal bio identical hormones, that might or might not be effective on its own, there's a huge variance on that. And other methods are vacuum pumping which I used to advocate for but don't any more because there's such risks on doing it wrong and fucking up your boobs.

What is left is supplementary stuff for growth hormone, growth factors, activating hormomal pathways, boosting aromatase and so on. And of course conventional HRT. The point I'm making is that if you want to remain fertile and functioning, do not mess up with your hormone balance, at least not with anything strongly feminising because that will mess up your function. And other methods are often very ineffective.

Just be careful and consider what you want, don't rush it. Hormonally you can't have everything at the same time, its always a compromise depending on how much actual body changes you want to happen. Methods are quite well understood and its obvious what works and to what extent. 

Also, why are so many brushing everything automatically off as pseudoscientific AGP, want to feminise and then act scared of the actual idea that it might really happen. Rhetorical questions. 

[Vana_B]

AGP is kind of a pseudoscience... But that aside, what do you want to accomplish really? Would you be better off with something else than messing up with your hormone balance? None of my business, just wondering.

Herbal stuff alone is slow and ineffective, it can do some body changes but typically not much. Bovine ovary/pituitary/uterine etc. glandulars deal with real deal bio identical hormones, that might or might not be effective on its own, there's a huge variance on that. And other methods are vacuum pumping which I used to advocate for but don't any more because there's such risks on doing it wrong and fucking up your boobs.

AGP may be considered "pseudoscience", but it describes me perfectly.   I wouldn't consider herbal stuff as ineffective, but do agree it is very slow compared to real HRT.   There are many of us that have a desire to have more feminine features, but not actually be a woman.  For me it is 100% a sexual thrill / turn-on to feminize to a modest degree.  For me it's all just an extension of sexual fantasy. 

I have been using mostly herbals (mostly topical extracts, more recently a touch of estradiol gel ), pumping ( noogle & milking ) for about 5 years and have modest results.  My nipples and areolas have certainly enlarged and feel heavenly when touched, adding to my AGP kink.    I do take frequent breaks and let my T-levels fully recover before cycling back on my program. It varies, but typically the same number of months on and off.   If I go too far, I lose sexual desire and it ruins the entire fantasy.  It's a delicate balance for me.

It helps that my partner is very easy going an even plays into my fantasies.  Sometimes we just lay in bed fondling each others breasts and just rub like we are a lesbian couple.   For me I do feel herbs have enhanced my sex life and help me explore my fantasies to the next level, without actually going full female.

[Heaven's Night]

No need to mansplain AGP to me.  Nor to tell to how many dudes its all fun and games, obviously it is, on this forum of all places.

[Curvyguy]

For me and my partner its fun to be more equal especially with him yet to have top surgery plus with his last partner being a trans woman enables him to have the choice between boyfriend and girlfriend in the bedroom with me. We would love a poly relationship with a trains woman ourselves as we both had experience with them in past but if not then this is a good way to satisfy those impulses.

[prostatenipple]

AGP is kind of a pseudoscience... But that aside, what do you want to accomplish really? Would you be better off with something else than messing up with your hormone balance? None of my business, just wondering.

Herbal stuff alone is slow and ineffective, it can do some body changes but typically not much. Bovine ovary/pituitary/uterine etc. glandulars deal with real deal bio identical hormones, that might or might not be effective on its own, there's a huge variance on that. And other methods are vacuum pumping which I used to advocate for but don't any more because there's such risks on doing it wrong and fucking up your boobs.

AGP may be considered "pseudoscience", but it describes me perfectly.   I wouldn't consider herbal stuff as ineffective, but do agree it is very slow compared to real HRT.   There are many of us that have a desire to have more feminine features, but not actually be a woman.  For me it is 100% a sexual thrill / turn-on to feminize to a modest degree.  For me it's all just an extension of sexual fantasy. 

I have been using mostly herbals (mostly topical extracts, more recently a touch of estradiol gel ), pumping ( noogle & milking ) for about 5 years and have modest results.  My nipples and areolas have certainly enlarged and feel heavenly when touched, adding to my AGP kink.    I do take frequent breaks and let my T-levels fully recover before cycling back on my program. It varies, but typically the same number of months on and off.   If I go too far, I lose sexual desire and it ruins the entire fantasy.  It's a delicate balance for me.

It helps that my partner is very easy going an even plays into my fantasies.  Sometimes we just lay in bed fondling each others breasts and just rub like we are a lesbian couple.   For me I do feel herbs have enhanced my sex life and help me explore my fantasies to the next level, without actually going full female.

I just want to let you know that I support your sentiments here.
I too think I have AGP and I think it's all good.