I have been thinking... The little makeup experiment while ago and my recent awesome boob growth + body changes since I started pm have really changed my perspective. Towards the idea that I could actually pass for a woman. I've had so many people comment on the latest pictures that I could that I'm really starting to believe it. What I see in mirror is of course somewhat distorted, not seeing forest from the trees, but all things said, I'm starting to feel quite confident about this and it certainly is strengthening my resolve on going forward. And its been a tremendous confidence boost. I have quite severe difficulty taking so many kind words and compliments and overall niceness. A lot of which from people who are not part of the "scene" even.
In my current situation in life, I still have to present as male for most of the time which I'm fine with, but I think the girl inside will start to creep in my daily life more as time goes by... I'm tempted to get really dolled up and go out as a woman some time. Its really tempting and I think if I choose the right time and place, could be also very liberating experience. I've been out with some close friends somewhat dressed up many times by now, but not with everything imaginable. That could be awesome.
Some days ago I had a friend visit me who I hadn't seen for months, he's in the know and really nice so I thought to test the waters and see how he reacts, it was late morning so I wasn't wearing much when he showed up. He saw me switch shirts and put my bra on and all and didn't bat an eye about it. Sure gave couple of looks and I was so scared he would comment something crazy, funny to be excited and scared in company of a good friend, that's kinda new.
But in the end it felt so good, one more friend who doesn't get bothered about this stuff, wonderful. Anyway... I'm starting to have some faith in myself, to the shy girl inside who wants to be herself.
Its funny how this stuff makes me shy, I'm normally not shy at all. About almost anything, including my body. (Thanks for somewhat intact self image and Finnish sauna culture. xD )
I think I'll let the shy girl get dressed really pretty and go walk the dog some day soon... Or perhaps go somewhere at daytime for a drink. Or to have a 37th birthday party on Saturday 23rd.