[Dianna1395]

Hope that's a clear mention that there will be some unusual commentary here... 


So, I stumbled into Chastity Mansion, and I'd been seeing chastity devices here and there, but did some research, wanted to play. Kept it cheap since it's just play.
But I wore a device today, and...  I'm actually dysphoric from this. It's weird, but it highlights to me that I actually don't like being Male. I knew I didn't LOOK in the mirror, if that makes sense. Aside from while I brush teeth or shave, I just don't really look in the mirror. But I knew I didn't look at myself in the mirror...

Well, after today, feeling this thing on my thing, it's...  Cringe-y! It's like, I never thought about things before, and now I want to just order hormones and get back on track. (I took hormones on and off for years, and have been avoiding them for years for the relationship, but  don't even like the relationship, so WTF?)

Anyway, thought others might have thoughts or input...
-Dianna

[Shirazmn]

Hi Dianna
I just want to throw my 2 cents in here from a non dysphoric yet kinky minded point of view.
Kinky play can open the doors to one's true self but can also lead to illusion and delusion. nless you make your kink your life (which happens very rarely) you must always remember that kinky play is like going to a fantastic holiday village in a deserted location. You'll want to go back there, but if you go off season all you'll find is dust and basic services.
I have spoken with many individuals who thought they were trans just because they experienced the submissive side and, in the construction of gender given by our society, "passive means female". Passive, like in a chastity cage, can also mean male if you get out of that mindset.
Whatever choice you make, be sure to make it when "at rest".

Good luck with your journey of self-discovery, wherever it may lead you!

[Nipply Russel]

^ Great advice

[Dianna1395]

Hi Dianna
I just want to throw my 2 cents in here from a non dysphoric yet kinky minded point of view.
Kinky play can open the doors to one's true self but can also lead to illusion and delusion. nless you make your kink your life (which happens very rarely) you must always remember that kinky play is like going to a fantastic holiday village in a deserted location. You'll want to go back there, but if you go off season all you'll find is dust and basic services.
I have spoken with many individuals who thought they were trans just because they experienced the submissive side and, in the construction of gender given by our society, "passive means female". Passive, like in a chastity cage, can also mean male if you get out of that mindset.
Whatever choice you make, be sure to make it when "at rest".

Good luck with your journey of self-discovery, wherever it may lead you!

Thank you, Shiraz.
Unfortunately I wasn't as clear as I could've been...
The chastity isn't a big deal, except I was SO aware of it. 
I'm usually aware of my male bits, thiugh. It's not about being top or bottom, though there is something about nno having a partner to play with. I've always been the Top, but I like being on the bottom, if that makes sense. Good view, and she moves well. ?
But I also tell her when to change positions, so I can make sure she's enjoying.

The problem I experienced was a reminder of when I was about 9, and I was embarrassed by the tenting of my swim trunks, and wished I could be pretty and smooth like the girls... And I ran around cupping my chest because of was chesty even then. 
I was already crossdressing at that age, as well. 

As an experiment, I'm leaving things on, so it's not just a one off. Today was LESS of an issue, for.friction and rubs, but I also wore male undies...  And it wasn't a huge improvement in the rubs and chafes. Just got rid of the panties seam rubs that grabbed foreskin 

The awareness was still killer. The want for breasts is still there... The desire to be pretty, instead the developing old man...   The knowledge it's impossible hurts. 

I appreciate what you've said, and I want to assure you, it's not a spur of the moment decision. I was researching this when daytime talk shows sensationalized transsexuals and AOL was cutting edge, in the dial up days of the Gazebo. 

I think I need to take the hard step of therapy, which seems to be a horrific thing as well, as I don't trust people easily.
But seems essential now...

--Dianna