, I just don't think I can open up to any one specific person, not again. I can't help but feel that I have a tendency to ruin everything.

I tend not to post, but I do try to find time to read the forum at least once a day. Your quote above speaks volumes. As others have mentioned what you are going through will mirror what most of us bio males are struggling with. From the feelings of being worthless, always making a mess of things. Bottling things up is defiantly a feeling self protection, unfortunately the very thing we use to protect ourselves can also be our downfall. Like you I have had the feeling of been kicked in the teeth after opening up to somebody you thought was close enough to be understanding, but keep in mind, you will find that somebody special, that somebody who gets and understands you. ( or at the very least is prepared to support you, without being negative )

I would think that writing your thoughts down will have a positive effect on your well being, posting them for others to comment on is your decision. Personally, I like to read your posts, it reminds me that I'm not the only one.

Have you tried to find a local support group, quite often you will find that actually meeting with others going through similar issues as ourselves, face to face can be quite beneficial.

Just in case you were interested, here's the second half of that song.
http://youtu.be/AngNlAaBOVs

Thank you for the links WantAPair. Anything I have recorded with me, has just been vocals. Well since I don't play anything kind of hard to have any instruments to go along with it. They are probably still on my computer somewhere.

Sounds like you've had some interesting times writing.

, I just don't think I can open up to any one specific person, not again. I can't help but feel that I have a tendency to ruin everything.

I tend not to post, but I do try to find time to read the forum at least once a day. Your quote above speaks volumes. As others have mentioned what you are going through will mirror what most of us bio males are struggling with. From the feelings of being worthless, always making a mess of things. Bottling things up is defiantly a feeling self protection, unfortunately the very thing we use to protect ourselves can also be our downfall. Like you I have had the feeling of been kicked in the teeth after opening up to somebody you thought was close enough to be understanding, but keep in mind, you will find that somebody special, that somebody who gets and understands you. ( or at the very least is prepared to support you, without being negative )

I would think that writing your thoughts down will have a positive effect on your well being, posting them for others to comment on is your decision. Personally, I like to read your posts, it reminds me that I'm not the only one.

Have you tried to find a local support group, quite often you will find that actually meeting with others going through similar issues as ourselves, face to face can be quite beneficial.

Thank your thoughts and comments Jamie. I can't help but feel the need to explain a bit further. There are what I would call e-friends, or virtual friends, and physical friends. As for physical friends I have little if any at all left. More than likely that was for the best as they were wishy washy friends anyways. Virtual friends are a bit easier to open up to as there is still semblance of anonymousness to a certain degree.

I am doubtful I would ever open up to a physical friend again because I've just not had great experiences with such. With a virtual friend, I did open up, and well I am having a really hard time gauging how that is going. I am not sure if it is my emotional state, or what, but I am just not seeing as clearly as I would like to see.

As for support groups, I am not sure exactly what I would be looking for in a support group. Kind of hard to find support when you are not really sure what you're really needing support about. I am sure in time I will sort all of this out. Yes, writing my thoughts out and seeing what I write has been helpful, so I will probably continue to do so. I am sure it's not everyone's cup of tea, but we're all adults here, we don't have to read it if we don't want to.

Just in case you were interested, here's the second half of that song.
http://youtu.be/AngNlAaBOVs

Thank you for the links WantAPair. Anything I have recorded with me, has just been vocals. Well since I don't play anything kind of hard to have any instruments to go along with it. They are probably still on my computer somewhere.

Sounds like you've had some interesting times writing.

Yeah, I had a lot of fun with it, but I've also written a few sad songs. I seem to have lost the knack in the past 15 years. I guess mostly from a lot of bad shit happening. Mostly deaths in the family, they're at that age...80's, 90's, one aunt would've made it well past 100 if her kids didn't force her into a home!! She died a few months shy of her 100th b-day!! Before they put her in the home, she got around like a teenager!! She was already 97 or better!!
I also lost my dog (death), and my best friend in the world was no longer allowed to talk to me (so said her new hubby) and before that, I found my future-ex-fiancé cheating on me!! What a waste of 10 years of my life THAT was!!!!
Mostly, I've been writing, or trying to write, break-in records. I get good ideas, but they rarely ever pan out farther than one joke!
Sadly, none of the songs I wrote while I was in the band I could never hear, in my head, my band doing! They just weren't their style!