[DruLactin]

That is so much projection! and i love the dress too~

-Aria

[Gabrielle]

Hi, I just wanted to quickly post something. I'm fighting depression, dysphoria and anxiety each day. Its not all bleak, I have some good things going on too. I'm trying my best to make out of this pit somehow but its extremely hard. I've tried to open up and talk to people but most of them just don't understand and they treat me like shit instead of supporting and helping out... There are few exceptions who truly care though.

Gosh I'm trying to not spiral again. I need another cup of coffee. I took some pictures today and I just want to drop this here without explaining anything, see for yourself.

You really shouldn't be like that lovely. From everything you have shared with us, you inspire others to follow your lead. You are going forward to make a better future for yourself. Infact allot of genetic females would be envious of what you have achieved. As you hands down beat them. We are born what we are, if our gender doesnt match the mind. Then atleast your lucky to live in a age where we are able to do something about it.

[HelloDiDi]

That is so much projection! and i love the dress too~

-Aria

Thanks. I was wearing my now small 38G/J bra on these pics, it still fits by loosening the straps and its very flaunting now. Interestingly not absolutely awful to wear yet. Oh and its a long loose sweater, I tucked it from the back a bit to show some shape. Along with it I'm wearing skirt, one of those my mom gifted to me last summer. I'm really loving skirts so much... I need to get more.

[HelloDiDi]

Hi, I just wanted to quickly post something. I'm fighting depression, dysphoria and anxiety each day. Its not all bleak, I have some good things going on too. I'm trying my best to make out of this pit somehow but its extremely hard. I've tried to open up and talk to people but most of them just don't understand and they treat me like shit instead of supporting and helping out... There are few exceptions who truly care though.

Gosh I'm trying to not spiral again. I need another cup of coffee. I took some pictures today and I just want to drop this here without explaining anything, see for yourself.

You really shouldn't be like that lovely. From everything you have shared with us, you inspire others to follow your lead. You are going forward to make a better future for yourself. Infact allot of genetic females would be envious of what you have achieved. As you hands down beat them. We are born what we are, if our gender doesnt match the mind. Then atleast your lucky to live in a age where we are able to do something about it.

I'm trying to make it.... But things like crippling dysphoria driven depression can't be reasoned with. There is much which is hidden over here. I have lot of past trauma and I also have some regret about transitioning because it seems that I gave away a lot of the good things and easy things and all privilege I had when I was pretending to be a man. There's much to this but I don't want to dig into it, I'm having quite good day and I don't want to spiral again by digging too deep into my problems.

I'm trying. Every day all the time. I'm doing what I can to make life worth it. There's always more than meets the eye to these things. I'm just happy to have certain friends and loved ones who keep me afloat. Some on this forum too.

[Lolly]

So sorry to read about your difficulties. It does me make realise I’m just playing at this modification idea but for you it is a fundamental quest.
I have had severe depression too in the past and I know just how that part of your situation feels. I think the only thing I would say to myself if I could go back and advise myself is that it may feel like you’re stuck with these feelings but in reality your situation will change in time. Some things will be resolved, some things you may have to just let go and other things will change but as sure as anything you will feel different. You have to look after yourself in the meantime and trust that time will carry you on to a different place.
Be peaceful.
(I couldn’t wake the bees up under all this snow so they don’t get their RJ back!)

[HelloDiDi]

So sorry to read about your difficulties. It does me make realise I’m just playing at this modification idea but for you it is a fundamental quest.
I have had severe depression too in the past and I know just how that part of your situation feels. I think the only thing I would say to myself if I could go back and advise myself is that it may feel like you’re stuck with these feelings but in reality your situation will change in time. Some things will be resolved, some things you may have to just let go and other things will change but as sure as anything you will feel different. You have to look after yourself in the meantime and trust that time will carry you on to a different place.
Be peaceful.
(I couldn’t wake the bees up under all this snow so they don’t get their RJ back!)

That's a kind of philosophy I try to live by too... Knowing that everything is temporary, life itself is along with everything else. And the only certain thing is change. Its soothing because nothing stays the same forever.

Also I have had one even worse depression episode back in the day, from getting back home from civil service, from September 2008 to around December 2009. That was so bad, I was without sense of purpose, outside music, gaming and drinking I really had not much anything. I became also badly suicidal to the point of self harm from which I still carry the scars from. My arms are extremely ugly because of it and one very close call with planned suicide attempt. Also before my transition that was the only time in my life that I suffered from massive anxiety and panic attacks. What I have now is not as bad. This time I'm actually asking for help and talking about it rather than hurting myself and almost end up killing myself.

I have so much to live for. More than to die for... Its just really hard to deal with years and years of trauma which I have never before processed at all. A lot of this has to do with my dysphoria. Its been there just under the surface all my life and think about this, I pulled up a big show of a man who I never truly was. I have been misgendered and mistreated for decades because people thought I'm a guy. I'm a woman who was under cover for a long time, that alone will leave massive mental scars. The positive side is that I'm dealing with all this now, finally. Transition has just been much more challenging than I ever thought it was. The way I gave away ton of privilege and ease in life has taken me by surprise. Also the lack of social life hurts me a lot. But I'm getting there... There's no other way. Once I'm done with the trans clinic, then I'm free to find help for the depression too.

And yes, unlike a lot of boob enthusiasts here, for me this is about everything, my entire life depends on how it all goes. My boob enthusiasm hasn't changed though. On my latest measuring, I got amazing results and it appears that I'm in a massive growth spurt right now. More on this later once I get more data collected.

[HelloDiDi]

I got a private message from someone being worried about me, I was thinking about posting something little here anyway, so here it goes. No worries, I'm alive and doing ok. Taking time off of whole lot of online activity has been really good on my mental health which has been improving a lot.

Life is moving on, my trans clinic process seems to get on going again faster than I expected. It appears that the psychologist meetings come soon as there had been a cancellation, I don't know any other reason why I'm getting the first of three on January 2nd. Anyway, after these there will be the big treatment meeting and after that.... I finally get my diagnosis and that means all actual treatment starts to come timely with booking stuff and arranging referrals and so on. Still a long way to go. Otherwise things haven't changed much, I live with my fiance and dog, me and Mel are dating, planning to meet up and all. Her magic just doesn't wear off, I fall in love again every day. 
 

My HRT + NBE program is moving on, I just hit year and half on HRT some days ago. Body changes have been amazing and my boobs are seriously becoming huge. I wont spoil more about this for now, that's for later date. Merry Christmas. 

[myboobs]

I got a private message from someone being worried about me, I was thinking about posting something little here anyway, so here it goes. No worries, I'm alive and doing ok. Taking time off of whole lot of online activity has been really good on my mental health which has been improving a lot.

Life is moving on, my trans clinic process seems to get on going again faster than I expected. It appears that the psychologist meetings come soon as there had been a cancellation, I don't know any other reason why I'm getting the first of three on January 2nd. Anyway, after these there will be the big treatment meeting and after that.... I finally get my diagnosis and that means all actual treatment starts to come timely with booking stuff and arranging referrals and so on. Still a long way to go. Otherwise things haven't changed much, I live with my fiance and dog, me and Mel are dating, planning to meet up and all. Her magic just doesn't wear off, I fall in love again every day. 
 

My HRT + NBE program is moving on, I just hit year and half on HRT some days ago. Body changes have been amazing and my boobs are seriously becoming huge. I wont spoil more about this for now, that's for later date. Merry Christmas. 

Glad to hear you are doing well . Best wishes on your appointments . And who can complain when you have someone to love , a doggie and huge boobs to boot
merry Xmas

[Gabrielle]

I got a private message from someone being worried about me, I was thinking about posting something little here anyway, so here it goes. No worries, I'm alive and doing ok. Taking time off of whole lot of online activity has been really good on my mental health which has been improving a lot.

Life is moving on, my trans clinic process seems to get on going again faster than I expected. It appears that the psychologist meetings come soon as there had been a cancellation, I don't know any other reason why I'm getting the first of three on January 2nd. Anyway, after these there will be the big treatment meeting and after that.... I finally get my diagnosis and that means all actual treatment starts to come timely with booking stuff and arranging referrals and so on. Still a long way to go. Otherwise things haven't changed much, I live with my fiance and dog, me and Mel are dating, planning to meet up and all. Her magic just doesn't wear off, I fall in love again every day. 
 

My HRT + NBE program is moving on, I just hit year and half on HRT some days ago. Body changes have been amazing and my boobs are seriously becoming huge. I wont spoil more about this for now, that's for later date. Merry Christmas. 

Im glad your happy, you are a great women. Seriously sexy one at that. Merry xmas

[Happyme]

Merry Christmas Didi!
I hope all your dreams come true in the new year!
Huggs
Bobbi