27-09-2023, 07:37 PM
Something funny happened today on the way home, me and gf stopped on the way to the store to buy stuff as I promised to make my awesome almost authentic pasta. I have never had men stare at me like that before, not that much. There was this one +50 years old dude who could not stop staring. It wasn't judgemental stare either, just jaw dropping drooling dumb af stare. He only stopped when I looked back for a while with kinda asking face like wordless "what are you looking at?" kind of expression. Then this same guy went back and forth between isles conveniently stopping to stare more and more and all that time zero judgement, just drooly creepy male gaze. 
He wasn't the only one either, there were several. I wasn't dolled up at all, just wore jeans and the Star Wars tshirt tied up so obviously showing curves.
Its so strange when from those cis people who know my background I get either rejection, silence or surface level "acceptance" that is more akin to tolerance than accepting anything and then these to whom I stealth, stare at me like I'm some frigging goddess. Today was especially weird somehow. Women either ignore me or behave like women do amongst each other so I know they weren't clocking me. I don't think anyone did, I don't know how they could at this point. When they don't know, then I belong, I'm just a tall curvy lady who's quite a rare sight in a way... Someone with my staure and proportions doesn't run out of the woodwork every day so I guess that's why they stare? The divide is night and day, guys stare, women treat me like a person...
This makes such a weird, almost double life kind of existence, where people close to me and some online know my background and behave accordingly (not a compliment towards a whole bunch of people.) and random strangers treat me like a woman. Its not a stretch to realise why I want to get free of the trans identity thing as completely as I can? The moment I'm just a woman to them, I get treated much better. And mediocre becomes rather attractive that same moment. Its better no one will know.
He wasn't the only one either, there were several. I wasn't dolled up at all, just wore jeans and the Star Wars tshirt tied up so obviously showing curves. Its so strange when from those cis people who know my background I get either rejection, silence or surface level "acceptance" that is more akin to tolerance than accepting anything and then these to whom I stealth, stare at me like I'm some frigging goddess. Today was especially weird somehow. Women either ignore me or behave like women do amongst each other so I know they weren't clocking me. I don't think anyone did, I don't know how they could at this point. When they don't know, then I belong, I'm just a tall curvy lady who's quite a rare sight in a way... Someone with my staure and proportions doesn't run out of the woodwork every day so I guess that's why they stare? The divide is night and day, guys stare, women treat me like a person...
This makes such a weird, almost double life kind of existence, where people close to me and some online know my background and behave accordingly (not a compliment towards a whole bunch of people.) and random strangers treat me like a woman. Its not a stretch to realise why I want to get free of the trans identity thing as completely as I can? The moment I'm just a woman to them, I get treated much better. And mediocre becomes rather attractive that same moment. Its better no one will know.