26-09-2023, 11:45 AM
(This post was last modified: 26-09-2023, 12:49 PM by Heaven's Night.)
Yes I am, I'm very much a perfectionist on myself. For others, I'm forgiving, but for myself its the opposite. I blame my personality and upbringing for this, and past excperience. I've been told many times to be more merciful and I really try. Then on the other hand, the positive of this is that I really push myself with things I have passion for, such as my transition and body changes.
Obviously I'm not free of what the idiotic beauty standards and expectations do, I'm a victim of all that just like everybody else. Its quite sad, but then again, a lot of how people behave and treat each other are based on their external expectations. Pretty privilege is very real thing and to say otherwise would be a lie.
You're right about body changes, face and everything, that's something I'm grateful for as this is where I truly shine. I've been experiencing body changes way beyond my wildest dreams especially considering my age and the pace of the change. Twenty seven months is nothing but a start on the big scheme of what HRT does. For this I'm happy, satisfied, absolutely not. Its a good start, but I have a long way to go. I'm passionate and a bit ambitious on this. Also I want to prove that age is not a hindrance to a graceful transition, I never believed it and I want to show the world it can be done, that age only slows us down and means more testosterone damage to deal with, but the myth of transition being not possible to be done in a pretty way after twenty, or twenty five or thirty, is nothing but a very dangerous myth.
My partners have been awesome helping me on the way. But their words are different, they say things also out of love and love wears rose tinted glasses. They can't be it all what comes to external validation I'm seeking. But I couldn't live without them, neither without my friends who are few but very dear to me. ^_^
Btw, not wearing makeup is partially a conscious choice for now. I've been too busy to learn all that and its been very dysphoria inducing to try in past. At one time I thought that if I can't cis pass without makeup, then what's the point if its all just a mask I wear, painted on? Well now I'm stealth to strangers and none of them have any idea about my background so I guess that's one mission accomplished? I know makeup being magic when done right. I'm planning to start learning it once I have time for it, energy... There's so much, I can't learn everything in just few years, I'm not good enough for that so for now its all been about just fixing my body first.
Posting this kind of threads makes me feel instant regret every time. I don't know exactly why, ADHD mind being weird or am I scared that my words would be twisted and used to bully me. It happens every time, I just really need a thread here for venting about all the frustrations about transitioning... There's so much that bothers me, I guess its better to be said out loud somehow. I don't know if this will help with feeling like an outsider no matter where I go, no matter what I do, but at least its said.
Obviously I'm not free of what the idiotic beauty standards and expectations do, I'm a victim of all that just like everybody else. Its quite sad, but then again, a lot of how people behave and treat each other are based on their external expectations. Pretty privilege is very real thing and to say otherwise would be a lie.
You're right about body changes, face and everything, that's something I'm grateful for as this is where I truly shine. I've been experiencing body changes way beyond my wildest dreams especially considering my age and the pace of the change. Twenty seven months is nothing but a start on the big scheme of what HRT does. For this I'm happy, satisfied, absolutely not. Its a good start, but I have a long way to go. I'm passionate and a bit ambitious on this. Also I want to prove that age is not a hindrance to a graceful transition, I never believed it and I want to show the world it can be done, that age only slows us down and means more testosterone damage to deal with, but the myth of transition being not possible to be done in a pretty way after twenty, or twenty five or thirty, is nothing but a very dangerous myth.
My partners have been awesome helping me on the way. But their words are different, they say things also out of love and love wears rose tinted glasses. They can't be it all what comes to external validation I'm seeking. But I couldn't live without them, neither without my friends who are few but very dear to me. ^_^
Btw, not wearing makeup is partially a conscious choice for now. I've been too busy to learn all that and its been very dysphoria inducing to try in past. At one time I thought that if I can't cis pass without makeup, then what's the point if its all just a mask I wear, painted on? Well now I'm stealth to strangers and none of them have any idea about my background so I guess that's one mission accomplished? I know makeup being magic when done right. I'm planning to start learning it once I have time for it, energy... There's so much, I can't learn everything in just few years, I'm not good enough for that so for now its all been about just fixing my body first.
Posting this kind of threads makes me feel instant regret every time. I don't know exactly why, ADHD mind being weird or am I scared that my words would be twisted and used to bully me. It happens every time, I just really need a thread here for venting about all the frustrations about transitioning... There's so much that bothers me, I guess its better to be said out loud somehow. I don't know if this will help with feeling like an outsider no matter where I go, no matter what I do, but at least its said.