[wee2er]

Thank you, everyone, for your input. It's something I've been struggling with this since August when I sent it back. I thought after I had such a strong reaction that when I sent it back, the feels for wanting a feminine body would clear up, and yet since then, they've grown. I think about it more now that I've sent it back.

I will look into a therapist that helps with gender identity issues because it's getting unbearable. The only thing that kept me from going to a therapist was the fact that many of my friends who have transitioned said they were often asked what they visualized themselves as. I can't answer that question because I have aphantasia. I know that's not going to make or break a therapist's ability to help me, but it seems like for many I know body dysmorphia is primarily visual-based, whereas mine is just me feeling like it's wrong. I want very much to be a man with a woman's body. But I can't describe why because I do not see what I want, I just know what I fantasize about. I feel like a therapist would help, and yet for years, I fed myself reasons why it wouldn't work.

That's why I asked here because I keep not asking and just assuming. I've read many threads and saw some people stop and purge, but I didn't know if the feeling of dread like I had was what made those people stop.

I think that the fact that you have aphantasia makes a therapist even more valuable to achieve what you truly want.

I agree with Guy, and others, it does sound like you would benfit from councilling. Be strong and go for it, at the end of the day there is nothing to lose, good luck.