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+--- Thread: Should I Do It? (/showthread.php?tid=30012)
Should I Do It? - LevySol - 16-01-2021
Late last year, I purchased BO through Amazon. For years I have dreamed of having a feminine body as a male. Breasts and hips specifically. It's been an intense fantasy since I was a teen and has followed me all these years to now. When the BO finally arrived, I couldn't take any. My stomach had such a strong reaction to just knowing what I had that it made me sick. This feeling scared me, so I sent the BO back since I never opened any of the packagings.
Now BO is back in stock, and it's been in my cart for days. But I haven't bought it because even though I want it, my body seemed to reject the idea as soon as it could have been a reality. Does this mean I don't actually want this? Has anyone else felt this sudden feeling of dread before starting?
RE: Should I Do It? - guy_and_lingerie - 16-01-2021
(16-01-2021, 05:43 AM)LevySol Wrote:I think that most, if not all of us, experience that panic the beginning and probably many times along our journey.Late last year, I purchased BO through Amazon. For years I have dreamed of having a feminine body as a male. Breasts and hips specifically. It's been an intense fantasy since I was a teen and has followed me all these years to now. When the BO finally arrived, I couldn't take any. My stomach had such a strong reaction to just knowing what I had that it made me sick. This feeling scared me, so I sent the BO back since I never opened any of the packagings.
Now BO is back in stock, and it's been in my cart for days. But I haven't bought it because even though I want it, my body seemed to reject the idea as soon as it could have been a reality. Does this mean I don't actually want this? Has anyone else felt this sudden feeling of dread before starting?
I have been doing this for about 8 years and still have those points where I question whether or not to continue. Nothing seems to stop me in the end. I fooled around with herbs and stuff for years before finally screwing my courage in place and asking my doctor for estrogen - which he gave me.
I am wondering if it might work for you to try out some form of breast growth that is more mild before hitting the hard stuff like BO, PM or estrogen. There is breast pumping of course, which gives a brief increase in size to the breasts. There are OTC breast creams that may give a little growth. Fenugreek is an inexpensive herb that will give a slow increase to breast size over a period of time without other side effects.
You have wanted the feminine body for a long time but are afraid to take the plunge. I would recommend starting with smaller steps and and see how you adjust physically and mentally.
Good luck!
Joey
RE: Should I Do It? - Happyme - 16-01-2021
Hi Levy,
Joey has offered some great wisdom.
I'd have to recommend you look up a good therapist/Gender therapist and have a good talk about your feelings.
You can fret over theses feelings for years, like many of us, or take the first steps to discovering who this person is that lives within you.
You may find that you are two spirited, meaning both boy and girl need to share the same body (see Aria), or the girl really needs to come roaring out.
At any rate your wise to ask questions, before you do damage.
Keep smiling
Huggs
bobbi
RE: Should I Do It? - JustAbbey - 16-01-2021
Only you can answer that question. I think the thing to consider is ‘why?’ - both ‘why do I want these changes?’ and also ‘why do I have such a strong reaction to taking the first step?’
Every one’s answer to the questions are different, but I notice there seem to be two main reasons people pursue NBE: wanting to change to become more like what they feel on the inside, or wanting to change because it is exciting, a fetish, etc.
Both are perfectly great reasons, and totally healthy. It just depends on what motivates you, and being honest with yourself about who you are and what drives you.
I would second Bobbi’s suggestion - a mental health professional can help you to unpack some of your own experiences and motivations so you can better understand the answers to ‘why?’ If you’re feeling a lot of shame about your desires, counseling/therapy is going to be a big help in finding happiness no matter what decision you make.
There are many paths that can lead you to feeling at peace with your body and mind: NBE is just one of them.
Good luck on your journey.
RE: Should I Do It? - guy_and_lingerie - 16-01-2021
(16-01-2021, 02:37 PM)Happyme Wrote: Hi Levy,Amen to therapy, Bobbi! It is the best thing you can do!
Joey has offered some great wisdom.
I'd have to recommend you look up a good therapist/Gender therapist and have a good talk about your feelings.
You can fret over theses feelings for years, like many of us, or take the first steps to discovering who this person is that lives within you.
You may find that you are two spirited, meaning both boy and girl need to share the same body (see Aria), or the girl really needs to come roaring out.
At any rate your wise to ask questions, before you do damage.
Keep smiling
Huggs
bobbi
RE: Should I Do It? - HelloDiDi - 16-01-2021
Consider, reflect, think and do not rush.
Pretty much what was said above, luck is on your side as this stuff doesn't happen overnight no matter what you do. I'm biased to give advice, its more like do as I say, not like I do as I'm notoriously bad about consideration and dive in head first into things.Take your time, the options are many.
RE: Should I Do It? - LevySol - 17-01-2021
Thank you, everyone, for your input. It's something I've been struggling with this since August when I sent it back. I thought after I had such a strong reaction that when I sent it back, the feels for wanting a feminine body would clear up, and yet since then, they've grown. I think about it more now that I've sent it back.
I will look into a therapist that helps with gender identity issues because it's getting unbearable. The only thing that kept me from going to a therapist was the fact that many of my friends who have transitioned said they were often asked what they visualized themselves as. I can't answer that question because I have aphantasia. I know that's not going to make or break a therapist's ability to help me, but it seems like for many I know body dysmorphia is primarily visual-based, whereas mine is just me feeling like it's wrong. I want very much to be a man with a woman's body. But I can't describe why because I do not see what I want, I just know what I fantasize about. I feel like a therapist would help, and yet for years, I fed myself reasons why it wouldn't work.
That's why I asked here because I keep not asking and just assuming. I've read many threads and saw some people stop and purge, but I didn't know if the feeling of dread like I had was what made those people stop.
RE: Should I Do It? - Stevenator. - 17-01-2021
What Joey said.
RE: Should I Do It? - guy_and_lingerie - 17-01-2021
(17-01-2021, 04:45 AM)LevySol Wrote:I think that the fact that you have aphantasia makes a therapist even more valuable to achieve what you truly want.Thank you, everyone, for your input. It's something I've been struggling with this since August when I sent it back. I thought after I had such a strong reaction that when I sent it back, the feels for wanting a feminine body would clear up, and yet since then, they've grown. I think about it more now that I've sent it back.
I will look into a therapist that helps with gender identity issues because it's getting unbearable. The only thing that kept me from going to a therapist was the fact that many of my friends who have transitioned said they were often asked what they visualized themselves as. I can't answer that question because I have aphantasia. I know that's not going to make or break a therapist's ability to help me, but it seems like for many I know body dysmorphia is primarily visual-based, whereas mine is just me feeling like it's wrong. I want very much to be a man with a woman's body. But I can't describe why because I do not see what I want, I just know what I fantasize about. I feel like a therapist would help, and yet for years, I fed myself reasons why it wouldn't work.
That's why I asked here because I keep not asking and just assuming. I've read many threads and saw some people stop and purge, but I didn't know if the feeling of dread like I had was what made those people stop.
RE: Should I Do It? - wee2er - 17-01-2021
(17-01-2021, 11:18 AM)guy_and_lingerie Wrote:I agree with Guy, and others, it does sound like you would benfit from councilling. Be strong and go for it, at the end of the day there is nothing to lose, good luck.(17-01-2021, 04:45 AM)LevySol Wrote:I think that the fact that you have aphantasia makes a therapist even more valuable to achieve what you truly want.Thank you, everyone, for your input. It's something I've been struggling with this since August when I sent it back. I thought after I had such a strong reaction that when I sent it back, the feels for wanting a feminine body would clear up, and yet since then, they've grown. I think about it more now that I've sent it back.
I will look into a therapist that helps with gender identity issues because it's getting unbearable. The only thing that kept me from going to a therapist was the fact that many of my friends who have transitioned said they were often asked what they visualized themselves as. I can't answer that question because I have aphantasia. I know that's not going to make or break a therapist's ability to help me, but it seems like for many I know body dysmorphia is primarily visual-based, whereas mine is just me feeling like it's wrong. I want very much to be a man with a woman's body. But I can't describe why because I do not see what I want, I just know what I fantasize about. I feel like a therapist would help, and yet for years, I fed myself reasons why it wouldn't work.
That's why I asked here because I keep not asking and just assuming. I've read many threads and saw some people stop and purge, but I didn't know if the feeling of dread like I had was what made those people stop.