[Miranda-nata-est]

So how do we cope when we see pictures of the newly born Caitlyn Jenner?

I think it is brilliant for her and she looks a million dollars on the front of Vanity Fair - but how does that make the rest of us feel?

I for one am struggling big time with feelings of "is it all worth it as I will never have the resources to look anything half way to as stunning as she does".

I already had major issues surrounding appearance (which is why I have never posted pictures here) - I know that as of now I still look like a bloke in female clothing - and this actually doesn't help that insecurity one little bit.

Speaking with Vivien (my SO), she reckons that as a cis female she is resigned (I am not sure that is quite the right word) to her physical appearance and aware of her limitations (she does herself a great injustice in this statement actually). I wonder whether growing up as a cis female you just grow up as the person you are and never really seriously question it or perhaps you do, just a bit. Indeed whilst living the male life, I didn't ever really think about my looks at all - it was just who I was.

Now though, that has changed and I am thinking a lot about my looks and the person I long to be appearancewise. This is seriously new and challenging territory particularly as there are not unlimited resources to throw at surgical solutions, nor do I have a particularly female body/face structure to start from.

The Caitlyn pictures have actually re-inforced some of these feelings - I know its foolish and the rational side of me says 'so what, do the best you can' - but I am at heart a perfectionist and it is hard to accept second best.

Would be interested to hear what others think.

Please don't get me wrong, I am happy beyond words for Caitlyn, this is definitely not 'sour grapes' in any shape or form - I think it fantastic that she has managed to achieve such a stunning success and great that she has raised the profile of transgrenderism to the world.


Miranda