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Awww, thank you.
Only thing that invasive surgery could really fix I think, is my jaw shape and width. Narrower, maybe a bit more pointy chin and smoother edges could help me. Then of course my eyelids could be fixed to fit some silly beauty standards, but I'm starting to be ok with that as after reading into my DNA results, I'm starting to understand where I'm getting it from. I have a bit odd shaped eyelids for a Finn, there's like a hint of Asian in there and after I found out having over two percent Mongol and how much was is for the Eskimo/Samojed DNA in there, I aboslutely get it where its coming from and its awesome. I don't have the saucer sized eyes with mile long lashes, mine look exactly like they should. Its just an expression of the genetics I got from ancestors. Like it or not. lol.
I can't wait to get to try a professional make over and photoshoot. These are just my own quick snaps and five minute photoshop adjustments, I know I can do so much better. And makeup seems to be getting more magical as time goes on, I think that's how the subtle face changes will show up in time. I didn't look nearly as nice with makeup on over two years ago.
I'm trying to fight back all the demons of nasty words and crappy confidence with this. All that calling me average and so on isn't nearly the worst I've heard, just what used to be quite common. Either than or really awkward silence. Typical treatment of a trans woman.
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I wouldn't put too much emphasis on what others think. Be yourself & be fabulous. People can be assholes because they are rotten on the inside. Do really need validation from a rotten person? People are mean. They put others down to feel good about themselves. They need to do this because all that hate & bile inside them gets backed up and makes them bitter. Ignore that trash. Be your own wonderful self and ride high.
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I really try not to care so much... But its rough, I never forget things people say to me, especially the negative stuff. But they're not the ones dictating my life, that would be me. I'm just scared to dream about anything, people are so ready to shoot me down when ever I have a dream and I dare to say it out loud. Its been done endless times about many things I've done. Like with music, moving to Ireland, quitting smoking, transition, cis passing, plastic surgery and the list goes on. There's always someone ready to cut the wings from anything I dare to dream of. If I had listened to them, I would have done nothing in my life, nothing.
So yea, you're right, screw what people say, they always speak out of their asses anyway. Of course it hurts, but will any of that stop me or or make me less of a stubborn cynical disappointed idealist, not at all.
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(15-01-2024, 07:03 PM)HelloDiDi Wrote: I really try not to care so much... But its rough, I never forget things people say to me, especially the negative stuff. But they're not the ones dictating my life, that would be me. I'm just scared to dream about anything, people are so ready to shoot me down when ever I have a dream and I dare to say it out loud. Its been done endless times about many things I've done. Like with music, moving to Ireland, quitting smoking, transition, cis passing, plastic surgery and the list goes on. There's always someone ready to cut the wings from anything I dare to dream of. If I had listened to them, I would have done nothing in my life, nothing.
So yea, you're right, screw what people say, they always speak out of their asses anyway. Of course it hurts, but will any of that stop me or or make me less of a stubborn cynical disappointed idealist, not at all.
Good to see you keep following your dreams despite everyone tries to bring you down. All the accomplishments you got are the proof they were dead wrong.
I agree with the doing nothing part, that describes essentially my life and i hate it.
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I keep repeating it, take the lead of YOUR life! Make your own mistakes, stumble over, get up, wipe your tears and do it again! We're not here to please and appease the world, our parents, the society, some dumb fuck make believe authority figures, we're not here to slave away for someone as profit machines... No, we're here for ourselves and also to enjoy life. Why else would it make any sense?
I feel like everything I've ever tried has been a fantastic failure as I have never been able to appease all those who think they know better. Should I give a shit about it? I don't think so. Who's to say how we are supposed to live, what to think, how to behave and what norms to follow? Fuck all that, we have to live for ourselves first, especially when its about identity and passions and things we love doing. And about failures and not "working hard enough" for something, will we on our deathbed stop to think that oh shit how I failed, I didn't work hard enough? I don't think so, on that day we will likely be thinking more of all the things we did instead.
No regrets, life is short and its best to not lie down in fire, but wipe the tears and rather just push head on into the thick of it. And life is a bitch anyway, everything hurts. Especially doing the right thing.
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I understand this need for a freedom to follow our own path. I operate a small business on the side. Through it I self published 22 books of poetry, I sold insurance, now I am a paralegal. I am painting and writing a novel. Then there is my persona. I feel like there was a female voice in me that I can still speak from. I was not supposed to have a high voice or be feminine. But for nearly 8 years I developed breasts with NBE because I understood me. I always wanted a wife who liked both men and women. So I have married twice to these women and still had jealousy for the other women. I think it is satisfying to have a woman say they like your breasts. So now I am nonbinary approaching bigender. That is me.
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I'm two weeks in today with fasting and L-carnitine & L-ornithine combo. It is 100% doing what the research article said it would. This morning I woke up around four thirty in the morning after less than six hours sleep, feeling well rested and alert very quickly. When I woke up, I also noted beaing quite warm, so much so, that despite the house being cold I had to push almost all blankets away. This is a typical sign of a growth hormone surge which was mentioned in the article and I've had this from late evening GABA before.
I'm on mild melatonin now which comes with bunch of herb stuff, its half of what I usually have and despite this, I sleep like a baby. Fasting has become quite easy so far, I usually do at least fourteen hours and yes I do it every day even though my body will likely adapt, I'm only good at keeping almost neurotic daily routines so this is the way it works for me the best. Right now I'm having a cup of coffee, but no food until nine in the morning or a bit later so that's another fifteen hours down.
Breast development has been phenomenally good during last month or so. I'm hitting thirty one month mark tomorrow. What makes this last thirty days different from past is doubling pituitary dosage, switching to calcium citrate which I think is doing something amazing, (Making MSM & D3 combo work way better??) and finally switching over to EEn injections. Latter meaning that my estrogen levels have been changin a whole lot, so there's a bit of back and forth with that as adapting takes time. But yet again I keep getting the same pattern repeat when something changes, growth spurts happen. Obviously boosting night time GH and IGF-1 is a big deal, so is weight loss which is likely releasing huge amounts of stored estrogens and all this plays well together.. I haven't measured, but pictures and my now way too small annoying bra keep telling me its really working wonders. The thing I'm uncertain about is where should adjust my estrogen levels now that its much more stable, find the same by average? Lower? Higher? I guess its another trial and error and getting blood checked some time soon.
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I'm having difficulty withholding tears... I just got the pre op instructions and the bill for the surgery. It seems that they did indeed listen my wishes of paying it all in one go. I wanted it so to make it simple, one money transfer and that's it. Also they hit the price at the price ceiling I mentioned, so that means that I can negotiate quite a few extras on top of the normal body contouring procedure as the price goes over 2k over the normal one, this means there will likely be a third phase also, for some minor fixes I talked about.
Its exactly three weeks away from today. I'm starting to get excited. I did some plans with my cousin to stay at her place, I have to arrange the ride back home and then think where I will go for recovery and so on, maybe first days at my girlfriends' place and then back home? I don't think I want to travel any extra when I'm a frigging needle pillow.
Hard to believe its happening. This kinda stuff happens to rich people, or in movies or some fiction posts on Reddit, not to me. Until it does.
So three weeks to go with weight loss and growing boobs, I will try to do a decent pre op photos and what else so once its done and I'm in recovery, I can do a decent comparison and document everything. I don't think anyone has posted in detail on this forum before about this kind of operation? One thing is how it all pans out, another is how will NBE work post op, has anyone talked about how it works after fat graft or two? I haven't read anything like that, also how will working on HGH and IGF-1 supplementation function with surgery recovery? These things should make it perhaps easier and faster? Anyway, these are things that haven't been talked about here yet. It'll get very interesting very soon.
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Congratulation, Lara! That's great news!
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