[myboobs]

I should stop posting anything with my face on it. While I see other women get superlative praise for their looks, being called beautiful, all I get is "nice" or a complete silence. I know what does it, I know how this works. I'm not pretty. I'm not conventionally beautiful and I have fuckton of T damage on me, I look like crap and I'm considering stopping posting selfies or everything all together and scrubbing my pictures.

I look like shit and I should just admit it. Stop posting anything because its meaningless, just post boobs as they're far prettier than my face.

What you post is natural look and you are what you are and not in competition for miss world .
you are honest and good person which will beat any beauty on this earth .
carry on as you are , we love you, whatever you are .
Beauty is in the eye of beholder 

[p_r_1974]

I know well that I am my own worst critic, and hearing praise is rather difficult for me. You are indeed a beautiful person, and those saying anything contrary are smoking crack! My challenge has been in having the spoons to respond more quickly, and my need to alternate my response in a manner different from previous ones. Social and communication challenges have probably been part part of the lives of many here, I know mine began when I started elementary school. So, I believe that it is not that we do not see you, but may not be expressive

[HelloDiDi]

Beautiful person, but a goddamn ugly shit butterface... Nice curves but too big, too masculine and too little nothing else. Beauty is not in the eye of beholder at all, its by far really universal which traits and features look pretty to most people most of the time, to few select ones its different. It doesn't warm my heart much to know that one in ten might find me "ok" or "nice" or "cute" when to the other nine out of ten I'm some mediocre piece of shite.

Everybody is just confirming my feelings on this. They keep telling me I'm either average or that they somehow say I'm not conventionally attractive. Maybe I have thought too highly of myself and should just admit that I'm crap, I don't look good, I am not beautiful. Personality matters none to how my face is. I'm not feminine enough either, disgusting androgynous ogre thanks to my genetics. None of my family ladies are much better either as I share so much with them, I'm not an outlier with looks which sucks.

I just have a little girls silly naive dream of becoming beautiful one day. But I can't. I'm too far gone and too unlucky on that. I'm worthless and should posting anything at all. Beautiful something else than my body actually being that will never make up for what I'm lacking anyway.

   

[Niaja]

sorry about that

[HelloDiDi]

Your post is only showing a quote?

[Niaja]

Beautiful person, but a goddamn ugly shit butterface... Nice curves but too big, too masculine and too little nothing else. Beauty is not in the eye of beholder at all, its by far really universal which traits and features look pretty to most people most of the time, to few select ones its different. It doesn't warm my heart much to know that one in ten might find me "ok" or "nice" or "cute" when to the other nine out of ten I'm some mediocre piece of shite.

Everybody is just confirming my feelings on this. They keep telling me I'm either average or that they somehow say I'm not conventionally attractive. Maybe I have thought too highly of myself and should just admit that I'm crap, I don't look good, I am not beautiful. Personality matters none to how my face is. I'm not feminine enough either, disgusting androgynous ogre thanks to my genetics. None of my family ladies are much better either as I share so much with them, I'm not an outlier with looks which sucks.

I just have a little girls silly naive dream of becoming beautiful one day. But I can't. I'm too far gone and too unlucky on that. I'm worthless and should posting anything at all. Beautiful something else than my body actually being that will never make up for what I'm lacking anyway.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your face in your eyes you may see one thing but to others we see something different and that is a pretty girl. My only comment and I have said this to you before you have great lips ----don't looek so serious all the time  just give us your pretty smile. You have come so far in your journey--it is not over. You are being to hard on yourself. I have seen sites were women have had makeovers and the results are amazing may I suggest you give  it a thought and you will see just how beautiful you really are.    Please don't leave us 

[HelloDiDi]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your face in your eyes you may see one thing but to others we see something different and that is a pretty girl. My only comment and I have said this to you before you have great lips ----don't looek so serious all the time  just give us your pretty smile. You have come so far in your journey--it is not over. You are being to hard on yourself. I have seen sites were women have had makeovers and the results are amazing may I suggest you give  it a thought and you will see just how beautiful you really are.    Please don't leave us 

The only actually good things about my face are my lips and nose. But I have awful asymmetry which is why I take pics a bit from the side.... Even that does not save my horrible jawline and chin being disgusting. And what about the weird androgyny? I somehow do not look feminine enough no matter what. I guess its T puberty and late start, unlike some other lucky dolls. Also I can't fake a smile, I need a good reason for it, I just can't pull it off for the camera and not look stupid. I've had this said so many times, I can't fake a smile... I smile if I'm on actually good mood and its rare. I don't even think it looks nice either.

Makeup I haven't touched for over two years because trying to learn it is a massive dysphoria trigger, I guess I should paint the beauty on me like everybody else because without I look like crap. It might work, but usually it just makes me look older. Maybe if I learn this and get FFS somehow, maybe then I would be called beautiful, gorgeous, what ever else instead of fucking "nice" which actually means I look like crap, mediocre or something.

I'm just tired of it all. Its better I never post anything, I'm never getting the kind of validation I keep wishing for. All while looking at others getting superlative praise all over me. Internet is horrible, social media is the worst, I mostly have completely cut it all out, I follow nothing, just post randomly and its better if I post nothing at all. Of course I could do makeup, then filter and photoshop the shit out of my pictures, clone stuff to hell and back and wipe out metadata to fake perfection. That's what others are doing, so I should maybe stop being naturally mediocre and jump on the fake perfection train. But that would never make me feel better, I'm not like that, I rather accept the suffering of not being good enough.

Thanks for encouragement anyway... Its not like words could ever fix me, my problem is my body and face and those can't be fixed with words. Its been a long slow downhill with this, I'm becoming disillusioned, my dreams are dying. Or some of them are.... At least I can compensate with curves for not being actually beautiful.

[Niaja]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your face in your eyes you may see one thing but to others we see something different and that is a pretty girl. My only comment and I have said this to you before you have great lips ----don't looek so serious all the time  just give us your pretty smile. You have come so far in your journey--it is not over. You are being to hard on yourself. I have seen sites were women have had makeovers and the results are amazing may I suggest you give  it a thought and you will see just how beautiful you really are.    Please don't leave us 

The only actually good things about my face are my lips and nose. But I have awful asymmetry which is why I take pics a bit from the side.... Even that does not save my horrible jawline and chin being disgusting. And what about the weird androgyny? I somehow do not look feminine enough no matter what. I guess its T puberty and late start, unlike some other lucky dolls. Also I can't fake a smile, I need a good reason for it, I just can't pull it off for the camera and not look stupid. I've had this said so many times, I can't fake a smile... I smile if I'm on actually good mood and its rare. I don't even think it looks nice either.

Makeup I haven't touched for over two years because trying to learn it is a massive dysphoria trigger, I guess I should paint the beauty on me like everybody else because without I look like crap. It might work, but usually it just makes me look older. Maybe if I learn this and get FFS somehow, maybe then I would be called beautiful, gorgeous, what ever else instead of fucking "nice" which actually means I look like crap, mediocre or something.

I'm just tired of it all. Its better I never post anything, I'm never getting the kind of validation I keep wishing for. All while looking at others getting superlative praise all over me. Internet is horrible, social media is the worst, I mostly have completely cut it all out, I follow nothing, just post randomly and its better if I post nothing at all. Of course I could do makeup, then filter and photoshop the shit out of my pictures, clone stuff to hell and back and wipe out metadata to fake perfection. That's what others are doing, so I should maybe stop being naturally mediocre and jump on the fake perfection train. But that would never make me feel better, I'm not like that, I rather accept the suffering of not being good enough.

Thanks for encouragement anyway... Its not like words could ever fix me, my problem is my body and face and those can't be fixed with words. Its been a long slow downhill with this, I'm becoming disillusioned, my dreams are dying. Or some of them are.... At least I can compensate with curves for not being actually beautiful.

Social media is the worst filled with fake photo shopped pictures, makeup done right will enhance your natural beauty which you have. You are being way to hard on yourself I'm really concerned about you--we all can't look like miss universe I've come to accept that . We here on this site are here for you to give you support.

[HelloDiDi]

I'm busy accepting that I'm ugly and not worth anything... Its all people keep telling me, accept, become content with not being pretty. I'm not pretty, I look like shit. Its better I never post pictures.

Its 27 months on HRT today... I wont measure, I wont post pics, I wont update my timeline. I also had a phone call from transclinic, they finally gave green light to actually start my treatments. I should get a call from a doctor in near future about booking referrals and stuff, maybe they stop tormenting me and actually help me finally after all this time. Its been only two and half years of playing games with my life so very timely to actually do something. Maybe they allow me to become a woman enough to fit in somehow.

I have also the body contouring in planning, next step is to deal with the money so its all ready for consultation and booking it. Maybe it will make my body actually beautiful, getting way more curves and finally having the pretty tiny waist I can't get no matter what I do, nothing does it as I'm unable to lose weight and being such a loser I can't even do that.... But big money and surgery does what I can't. I'm going to get amazing waist to hip ratio. Not that it will help much, my face is as shit as ever as that would take another 15000€ to fix.

I can always dream of FFS, maybe that would make me feminine enough. Or maybe that too is a silly dream that can't happen. Fuck I'm on such terrible mood. I even got my prolactin boosting herbal stuff today and even that isn't cheering me up. I'm supposed to measure, take pics and update things.... No way to get anything done, I'm not worth the effort.

[HelloDiDi]

I'm feeling a bit better... I might try to take some pics later today as its twenty seven months today. I'm pissed off about the trans clinic, I got a message from them. They will not do anything until I have the therapy going, welfare office are making it super slow and difficult to get the therapy paid for, without which I can't have it at all because its way too expensive. So I have a ridiculous situation in which welfare office which normally has nothing to do with healthcare is blocking my transition care. Transclinic used my honesty against me, reasons which are not directly about my transition and do not block my ability to get treatment are now hindering the process and for now denying my care. And then an instance which normally does not deal with healthcare except for sick leaves and covering certain costs are now holding me hostage. I'm so pissed off about this! They already slowed things down for weeks and the time they take to deal with my application is 4-6 weeks on its own, any further stuff they might make up to slow it more, they will do.

What sense does this make? This is the state of trans healthcare in Finland in 2023. Any mental health issue, even a small non acute one like mine, is used to deny transition. Its nothing but gate keeping and seeing who's strong enough to withstand this without resorting to suicide.