I'm ten days away from two year mark. A lot of things have been in my mind lately, I've been thinking about the future, where my transition and life in general is going and so on... Big questions about a lot of stuff.
For most part, I'm happy. I've had so many positive things happen to me lately, I'm slowly starting to get better with mental health, yet to find a therapist which I have to deal with soon. I got my diagnosis, I found the most amazing girlfriend with whom its like living the dream. She's really a piece of my heart that was missing. My body changes have been way better than I ever dreamed of and its ongoing and not showing any signs of slowing down.
I have come to the point where I'm absolutely fed up with online stuff though. With social media, I'm done. I only keep my facebook around to keep contact with some people who refuse to use whatsapp or Discord or anything else than messenger. Otherwise I don't really care much about it as facebook is totally dead, its becoming worse every day. Reddit I'm totally done with, it was a mistake to ever post pictures there. Little did I know back then that there are bots crawling, downloading and sharing everything to chaser groups and so on. So I deleted all posts, every picture from imgur too. I'm done with that. I also recently left the nude picture site I was on for five years. It has become a promotion platform for OF models and hookers, the grassroots place it used to be is gone and I felt horrible being there. I looked like absolute crap when almost all other women were too perfect and a lot I think are fake bot accounts too. So I left. BN and my tiny little Discord server are my only safe spaces for sharing anything, everything else is gone. That's why I wish BN would stay as a welcoming and safe space, without this I would have no place at all to talk about transition and share my enthusiasm with HRT and NBE stuff.
For now, I'm on a total social media break. Time out as its mostly too hurtful and too triggering. I'm better off without. At least until I'm ready with my transition. I'm trying to build a confidence and cure my dysphoria, it can never work out if I'm constantly reminded how I'm lacking everything.
And then there's the awesome stuff about NBE that's coming. I'm making some tweaks soon and once the third year rolls in, there are new things to experiment and I'm surely going to tell you lovelies everything once I get onto it. There's the nighttime HGH thing, then the creams for possible nipple development and what else, oh yes, upping BO dosage to what is said to be optimal dose. Lot of neat little tweaks and trials.
Lastly, I'm going to drop a bomb.... I never thought this would happen, but its happening. My lovely new grilfriend happens to own a farm, that means a whole lot of property and she's doing quite well. She came up with it a while ago when we were talking about all this transition stuff. She wants to help me out to get body contouring done. The whole show including fat transfer to boobs. There's no way I could say no to this because it can give me the perfect figure all in one go. I could get my dream body happen quick and easy. So yea, it might happen that I will get to cheat by cosmetic surgery after all. Of course just getting there totally naturally with hormone sorcery, diet and exercise would be even better, but its such a long and painful road with so much work, if it can be helped by other methods, I'm going to take it and not feel any shame for it.
I'm into this to cure my dysphoria, reach my dream body in which I could live happy and comfortable and I also want to please my partners. Doing this for them is a huge, huge motivator. I've never felt this confident and determined doing all this before and I'm going to do it all, by any means necessary. This is such an opportunity and crazy luck, I don't want to miss it. And I want to make my girlfriend and fiance happy. I want to become their lovable curvy goddess and what ever I can do to get there, I will.
