[throwaway]

im male in birth and see myself as male. after researching, i found out i got autogynephilia (kind of?). i dont always feel like it, it comes and goes in waves but it was always there. im feeling like having a feminine figure usually when i am aroused, and only then. i found myself in the last week researching and finding this site. 

the thing is now i am more capable and independent, so unlike other times i found myself ordering PM and RR, and while researching here i really got exited to be more feminine. i was always very emotional and gentle, and some other attributes which are stigmatized as feminine yet i do not wish to become a trans or something like that. and i mentally go back and forth about actually doing it (wanting to take the journey and at the same time cancel the order) . no doubt i will enjoy myself in private having results but i feel shame for my actions and worry a lot about my chance at dating women and the social environment around me (not that i was planning to get too far, but i worry about people noticing and their acceptance of this).

i dont know what to do and im looking for insight on how to manage the will to make a long-time fantasy true and my worries. thanks!

[PleasantlyFascinated]

Autogynephilia is nice.  I've had it for years.  At first I struggled to understand how to cope with it.  Now it is a realization of what is normalcy for me, in my present circumstances.  I like the handle of autogynephilia because it just means I like what I like, without needing to detract anything about how I'm made.