01-05-2014, 01:58 AM
Hi, I'm Josephine. I wanted to write down my feelings and thoughts about my gender identity and sexuality and to see what other people think.
I've already introduced myself in the "Introduce Yourself" forum, but for reference I am a 28 year old bio-male currently living as a male and have not yet started my NBE program, but will very soon.
I've read stories from transgender people who knew from a very young age that they wanted to be a girl and that they hated the sight of their own genitals. For me this was not true, I was a pretty normal-ish boy who was quite content about being a boy. I liked normal boy things like cars, trains, robots, ninja turtles and video games, although I didn't object to playing with dolls and teddy bears with my sister either (I still have my favourite teddy bear and would never get rid of him). I'm fine with having a penis and balls and don't feel the need to get rid of them.
My first crossdressing experience was probably when I was about 11 years old. My best friend had the idea that we should dress up like women for a joke. I always went along with whatever my friends told me to do (my naturally submissive nature, heh!) so it didn't take much to convince me. I think he "borrowed" some of his sisters clothes. I remember how great it felt wearing a skirt, I really loved it. I guess this incident might have been the trigger that started it all, it certainly sticks in my mind to this day.
For many years after I didn't crossdress, but I was always jealous that girls got to wear skirts and other nice clothes. I fantasised about wearing girls clothes a lot. From my early teens I would often put socks under my shirt to make pretend breasts and admire myself in the mirror. I have wanted my own breasts ever since I first did that. A few years ago I bought some breast forms and absolutely love the feeling of wearing them. It's like a missing body part has reappeared.
Some time in my late teens I started experimenting with crossdressing by borrowing my sisters clothes. They were a bit too small for me as my sister is very slim and not as broad as me but it was quite exhilirating. I felt guilty about wearing her clothes without permission though so I stopped doing it for a while until I bought my own. I started crossdressing seriously a few years ago and now have quite a collection, but it would be much bigger if I had more space to hide it all!
When I hit puberty my legs and arms became very hairy and I hated it. I tried shaving my legs when I was about 15 but wasn't very successful and didn't have access to a good razor. I used a beard trimmer to remove my public hair and have been doing so reasonably consistently ever since. Now I shave my entire body and try to keep it that way, but it's a lot of work since my body hair grows back quickly. When I started doing that my mum noticed my shaved legs and arms and gave me some trouble over it, but eventually she stopped mentioning it. I used to be embarrassed to show my shaved arms, but now I just don't care what people think any more. I would really like to get laser hair removal for the whole lot, I would not miss it one bit!
I would describe myself as bisexual (although I don't think that term is entirely accurate) but I was in denial about being attracted to males for a long time. I did fantasise about other boys at school when I was younger but afterwards felt very guilty and pretended to myself that I didn't really fancy boys.
Only in the last few years have I finally settled the matter on my attraction to men. The path that led me here was looking at pictures of transsexuals and crossdressers. That allowed me to lower my mental barriers and get used to the idea of looking at naked men instead of my knee-jerk reaction to quickly look away. I am attracted to both female and male body forms, but I don't actually want to have sexual intercourse with women. The idea of using my penis to penetrate a vagina just does not appeal to me. I am attracted to women and really love breasts, ass, legs and a pretty face but I am quite indifferent to vaginas. On the other hand, I really love penises.
When I was about 16 I had my first anal experience. I just had the urge to penetrate my anus and finally gave in. At the time I was naive and didn't really know what anal sex was all about. I used whatever object I had to hand at the time. It was... messy to say the least, lacking access to a douche, so I gave it up. It wasn't until I was 23 when I finally plucked up the courage to buy dildos and plugs (and a douche of course!) and I began experimenting. It came very naturally to me and I've never found it painful. It unleashed a deep mental need to be penetrated. This was the right kind of sex for me.
I've only had a couple of girlfriends and had sex only with the second one (this was when I was 25). Of course she wanted to be fucked and I tried my best to do it, but I could not stay hard while doing it. Mentally it just did nothing for me and I really wanted to be fucked myself instead. For me it felt like a purely mechanical action I had to perform for her pleasure, not mine. Of course I got some physical stimulation but it was not enough. I just wanted to kiss, cuddle, play with her tits and have oral sex.
So I'm a bottom boy (or girl). That's just who I am! From a sexual and emotional perspective I think I am more compatible with men. I haven't had a real boyfriend yet although I have talked to many men online who are interested. I've lost all interest in persuing women for relationships.
I want to let go of my male ego and become more feminine. Deep down I know I would like to go all the way and live as a woman, but I don't know if I'll ever have the courage. For me it's not that I have to do this, but I would greatly prefer to. In the mean time I'm not afraid to slowly feminize my body and that's where I stand now.
So that's my story, sort of, in a kind of muddled mess and chronologically all over the place. I probably got some of the ages wrong as my memory is terrible. Bleh!
I've already introduced myself in the "Introduce Yourself" forum, but for reference I am a 28 year old bio-male currently living as a male and have not yet started my NBE program, but will very soon.
I've read stories from transgender people who knew from a very young age that they wanted to be a girl and that they hated the sight of their own genitals. For me this was not true, I was a pretty normal-ish boy who was quite content about being a boy. I liked normal boy things like cars, trains, robots, ninja turtles and video games, although I didn't object to playing with dolls and teddy bears with my sister either (I still have my favourite teddy bear and would never get rid of him). I'm fine with having a penis and balls and don't feel the need to get rid of them.
My first crossdressing experience was probably when I was about 11 years old. My best friend had the idea that we should dress up like women for a joke. I always went along with whatever my friends told me to do (my naturally submissive nature, heh!) so it didn't take much to convince me. I think he "borrowed" some of his sisters clothes. I remember how great it felt wearing a skirt, I really loved it. I guess this incident might have been the trigger that started it all, it certainly sticks in my mind to this day.
For many years after I didn't crossdress, but I was always jealous that girls got to wear skirts and other nice clothes. I fantasised about wearing girls clothes a lot. From my early teens I would often put socks under my shirt to make pretend breasts and admire myself in the mirror. I have wanted my own breasts ever since I first did that. A few years ago I bought some breast forms and absolutely love the feeling of wearing them. It's like a missing body part has reappeared.
Some time in my late teens I started experimenting with crossdressing by borrowing my sisters clothes. They were a bit too small for me as my sister is very slim and not as broad as me but it was quite exhilirating. I felt guilty about wearing her clothes without permission though so I stopped doing it for a while until I bought my own. I started crossdressing seriously a few years ago and now have quite a collection, but it would be much bigger if I had more space to hide it all!
When I hit puberty my legs and arms became very hairy and I hated it. I tried shaving my legs when I was about 15 but wasn't very successful and didn't have access to a good razor. I used a beard trimmer to remove my public hair and have been doing so reasonably consistently ever since. Now I shave my entire body and try to keep it that way, but it's a lot of work since my body hair grows back quickly. When I started doing that my mum noticed my shaved legs and arms and gave me some trouble over it, but eventually she stopped mentioning it. I used to be embarrassed to show my shaved arms, but now I just don't care what people think any more. I would really like to get laser hair removal for the whole lot, I would not miss it one bit!
I would describe myself as bisexual (although I don't think that term is entirely accurate) but I was in denial about being attracted to males for a long time. I did fantasise about other boys at school when I was younger but afterwards felt very guilty and pretended to myself that I didn't really fancy boys.
Only in the last few years have I finally settled the matter on my attraction to men. The path that led me here was looking at pictures of transsexuals and crossdressers. That allowed me to lower my mental barriers and get used to the idea of looking at naked men instead of my knee-jerk reaction to quickly look away. I am attracted to both female and male body forms, but I don't actually want to have sexual intercourse with women. The idea of using my penis to penetrate a vagina just does not appeal to me. I am attracted to women and really love breasts, ass, legs and a pretty face but I am quite indifferent to vaginas. On the other hand, I really love penises.
When I was about 16 I had my first anal experience. I just had the urge to penetrate my anus and finally gave in. At the time I was naive and didn't really know what anal sex was all about. I used whatever object I had to hand at the time. It was... messy to say the least, lacking access to a douche, so I gave it up. It wasn't until I was 23 when I finally plucked up the courage to buy dildos and plugs (and a douche of course!) and I began experimenting. It came very naturally to me and I've never found it painful. It unleashed a deep mental need to be penetrated. This was the right kind of sex for me.
I've only had a couple of girlfriends and had sex only with the second one (this was when I was 25). Of course she wanted to be fucked and I tried my best to do it, but I could not stay hard while doing it. Mentally it just did nothing for me and I really wanted to be fucked myself instead. For me it felt like a purely mechanical action I had to perform for her pleasure, not mine. Of course I got some physical stimulation but it was not enough. I just wanted to kiss, cuddle, play with her tits and have oral sex.
So I'm a bottom boy (or girl). That's just who I am! From a sexual and emotional perspective I think I am more compatible with men. I haven't had a real boyfriend yet although I have talked to many men online who are interested. I've lost all interest in persuing women for relationships.
I want to let go of my male ego and become more feminine. Deep down I know I would like to go all the way and live as a woman, but I don't know if I'll ever have the courage. For me it's not that I have to do this, but I would greatly prefer to. In the mean time I'm not afraid to slowly feminize my body and that's where I stand now.
So that's my story, sort of, in a kind of muddled mess and chronologically all over the place. I probably got some of the ages wrong as my memory is terrible. Bleh!
