Thank you all so much for your support!
I have been going through a rough time with this for a while, I have known since I was thirteen that I had been born the wrong gender. However, as far as psychiatrists are concerned, showing signs of that at that age means I do NOT have gender dysphoria. Which means they wouldn't help me transition. Pressure from family made me try to repress feelings of of not being who I should be.
Unfortunately, I 'manned up' as it were, while repressing myself, and I now find myself in a bit of a sticky situation. It is difficult for me to express my female side, due to my masculine body shape. Xdressing doesn't help me at all, due mainly to the fact that no woman's clothes fit me at all. I almost wish I could keep repressing this side of me, but I have become unable to do so anymore. I suffer a lot from depression, and I'm fully confident in saying that if I didn't start doing
something towards transitioning, I would have ended up very likely either killing myself or committing myself to a mental health facility to keep myself from doing that.
So, I will keep you all updated, I had to put my bank info through to Paypal again, and I only did so 12 hours or so ago, and they say I need to wait 3-5 business days....
(as a side note, if your psychiatrist hears you up front say you want help repressing an issue, that they should know that's the WRONG thing to do, and help you actually deal with the issue. Maybe I just know some crappy psychiatrists)