[kerensa]

Few on here willl know i go through mood swings where one min i want boobs, then i dont, then i do etc etc i guess i some what torn between what i want and what i should be doing. Last weekend i felt so bad that i could of ended my marriage (there was a trigger for this which i dont want to mention) just started thinking wife and kids would be so much better off without me and i could just go about becoming this mucked up person i feel i am.

Anyway a while ago i went and saw a shrink nurse who said i had no gender problems what so ever and all i needed was anger management and help with low self esteem, this i feel was totally rubbish, but it left me feeling isolated and feeling that i was in check mate as reguards to getting help understanding why i feel i need boobs to become the "real me"

Just wondering if anyone else has ever tried to get mental help or are we all just happy self diagnosing?

[Pansy-Mae]

Hi Kerensa,
I'll start by saying that I haven't ever sought professional mental help. However, I do understand the conflict between, as you put it, what you want and what you feel you should be doing.

Probably nobody else can really help you with that conflict, IMO. The only one who may be able to is your wife, so, does she know about the feminine side of you, and if she does, is she supportive or antagonistic?
If she is with you, then with her support you should be able to work your way through the morass together. If she is against, then you have a much more difficult minefield to work through, but again, only you can decide on your priorities for your life.
As a suggestion ( and nothing more), I have no idea how old your family are but could you set yourself a goal of, say, when the last one is 18 or something and agree with yourself to do nothing irrevocable until then?

Just know that you aren't alone in these conflicts.

Pansy Mae

[Chrissiegirl]

Hi Kerensa,
As you are aware, I have had my concerns about your motivation and ability to cope with the reality, of having boobs. I have never had any doubts about what I have been doing; as opposed to concerns about the consequences of coming out.
You say nothing about your "shrink nurse". Is she qualified to give psychiatric advice? Even if she is, does she have specialist knowledge of gender dysphoria. People who do are few and far between; in North Wales there is only one psychiatrist and it takes between 12 & 18 months to get an appointement.
I feel you should try and make contact with a local support group, asap. In doing so try and find a TS group, rather than a TV group, like the Beaumont Society, who can be quite dodgy, in their advice on TS matters.
If you have problems, you could try contacting Jenny- Anne, who with her partner Ellen, run the local group; uniquets. She does a huge amount of work, helping trans people & educating the public and professionals, on trans matters. I am sure she will be only too willing to point you in the right direction. I wish you all the best, in undrstanding what you are looking for.

[sarahwr]

Hello Karense.

No one, either qualified or unqualified can offer you any advice. They can talk through with you and empathise but only you know how you feel.

I went through my own crisis some 17 years ago which involved me seeing a, so called, speciaist on personality issues and after several sessions I was worse than before I started.

From a personal point of view I have always been disatisfied with who I am and how I am. I am sure even we males have a monthly cycle which was some of my problem. I could be the most pleasant of people some of the time and then would come out the real moody side of me.

This ultimately ended with a split from my family.

I do have some regrets, however I don't dwell on these now as I cannot put the clocks back and I have my own definite goal with my NBE desire.

It is not all a bed of roses and I still have my moments but it cannot be denied I am far more level natured than I used to be.

One can only wish you well in any decisions you make.

Kind regards,

Sarah

[Andy]

HI Kerensa.
Chrissiegirl is correct when she says that the mental health community is ill prepared or equipped to handle the issues of the trangendered community. Recently there have been many changes in the way of treatment for trans persons. But not everyone in the mental health field is up to date, so I would not take much stock in what was said. It does not sound to me like the person you spoke to was prepared or trained to talk to you about these issues. Or she may have her own personal ideas concerning how to handle trans folks. ChrissieGirls advice seams to me to be sound. Try to find others in your area that you can talk to that have been there may be the best way to go.

If I remember correctly, you mentioned in a post on Cherylstalk that you were starting to take PM again. I would wonder if taking PM again may have something to do with the strength of your recent fluctuations in emotions? The old roller coaster when changing your hormone balance.

Kerensa, you feel the need to have breasts to be whole. Like most here, I can relate. As to why you feel the need? You just do, Isn't that enough. So I say life is too short. Grow them, if anything else the effort seems to help. I believe you can, it is a matter of time and patience.

As for everything else. I agree with Pansy-Mae talk to your wife and let her help you with sorting out your feelings. She has been supportive so far and may surprise you with her insight.

It is late here and early there so I am going to post and sign off. But, I may make another post later when I have thought more about it.

[Chrissiegirl]

Hi Karensa,
I have been looking at some of your older posts, as I felt there was a cry for help, in this post. I felt that you needed some, further, serious advice.
I think that you must first of all face up to what your condition is.
Transexuals, by and large, are people who have been haunted, for as long as they can remember, by an intense feeling that they are of, or should have been, of the opposite gender, to the one that they physicaly are. Failure to deal with this early, can lead to a huge raft of problems, up to & including suicide. Many try to go into a state of denial and run away from the issue, which explains the high rates of TS in the military & police, Others, like me, lead a miserable life, as they do not fit into , or like, male company. This is fundamental to their sense of being, as it transpires that, the part of the brain that deals with gender identity, corresponds to that of the other gender. Literaly, we have a female brain.
I think you need to look seriously into your soul and ask if this describes you. If it does, the imperative is to change your body, to correlate, as closely as possible to that of the other gender; you will find no peace, until you start this journey, whatever the costs.
I can offer little insight into the TV world, excet to say it is linked with a desire to remain physicaly male. If that is what you want, then, please be wary of playing around with hormones; to deal with a pair of b cup boobs, while wishing to remain male, will only cause more angst.
I get no kicks, out of walking around, in female mode, just a huge sense that things are right.
A support group is, I think, for you, essential. It will help normalise how you feel [ you are neither a freak or alone] and allow you to explore your gender dysphoria with others, who have real experience.
The range and variety of this issue is huge but, not to confront it, could destroy you. You need to find, understand, embrace and love the inner you, before you can move on with your life.
I started on NBE, because I was hiding from my transexualism; I knew I had to take a step that left me with no alternative, other than to come out. Now I have a great regret; why the hell didn't I confront this decades ago. This is not easy, but not to confront it will pull you to peices, something you seem poorly equipped to deal with. None of us are an island, let others help you.
I wish you all the best in discovering the inner you.
Chrissie

[kerensa]

Hi guys, just a quickie to thank you all for your support. Today i have been in touch with a gender councilor in Harley street who seems to think she can help with me coping with my depressive mood swings, which at £75 for 50 mins i bloody well hope so, still cheaper than the other one i found, £200 an hour and a minimum of 6 appointments....i would rather put up with my mental health probs and go on a serious girly shop!!

[breaMed]

Hi guys, just a quickie to thank you all for your support. Today i have been in touch with a gender councilor in Harley street who seems to think she can help with me coping with my depressive mood swings, which at £75 for 50 mins i bloody well hope so, still cheaper than the other one i found, £200 an hour and a minimum of 6 appointments....i would rather put up with my mental health probs and go on a serious girly shop!!

Well, good luck to you Kerensa. I hope you could pursue what you really want. I just remind you to be careful with your health and have a regular health check up for your health problem.


My TV shows

[DollyAmbition]

Hello,

One issue within Mental Health is whether or not to label transpeople as being "mentallly ill". Many would see this as unaccepting to level transpeople as such. On the other hand, I have a friend in the US who is defintly accepting of people in the transcommunity, and she will diagnose people with Gender Identity Disorder in order to establish history so she/he can more easily obtain a gender reassignment surgery later on if the person would like to. In the US one is required to have two years of therapy prior to the operation.

Well just my take. Good luck in your own self acceptance :hugs:.

Laura

[Chrissiegirl]

I am on a waiting list to see a psychiarist. I am deeply resentfull of the fact, but have to play the game, in order to get SRS. The fact that his waiting list is 12 to 18 months, demonstrates that even the medics cannot think transexualism is a mental health issue. The problem is that it is linked to huge mental health problems, in some sufferers. While I would never claim to have suffered mental health problems, I can see how close I was to the edge. If I was not so well educated and had not had high status jobs, I could well have succumbed.
Having been on PM for nearly a year, I have a very different perspective on life and realise that I had lived my life in a state of moderate depression. I honestly can say that, I never knew a humanbeing could acheive such a feeling of contentement and wellbeing as I now experience.
I Know, from my local support group, of the angst that stalks so many T-girls, torn and shredded, between love, loyalty and a sense of duty to family and the desparate need to be true to themselves.
Karensa is in just such a trap and she worries me. It is no wonder that she has mental health issues; the problem is that many "professionals" like to disparage the idea of transexuality, if not in public, then to themselves.Most of us know we are not ill, simply that we are the subject of a birth deffect, where our brain and body developed along different paths, in the womb. That said, I can see the need to try and screen out those not suited to SRS, as it is well documented that there are those who regret the op and what hell must that be?
I truly feel blessed that I am able to transition without angst and even then coming out was a pretty nerve wracking thing to do