Hello to you all you lovely people!
I thought it was time I introduced myself and hopefully contribute to this wonderful place instead of just taking from it and hiding in the background.
So, firstly a timeline of where I've been....
In Dec of 2018 aged 30 the woman within me revealed herself. I subsequently spent the next couple of years trying PM and all the herbs I could think of to start the physical changes. I had spoken to my doctor in early 2019 and had been put on the list for my first appointment with an NHS gender specialist. I received my letter and it said roughly 2 years waiting list. WOW, i was gutted but not deterred. Mentally, I spent time getting to know my inner woman and trying to integrate her into my daily life as best as possible. I lived with my brother at the time and had been with my girlfriend for years. Both situations felt constricting to the new me and the new and exciting phase in my life.
Time ticked by and I read the old pueraria mirifica forums from cover to cover (so to speak). I read and watched as other girls like me develop and grow into beautiful female versions of themselves. I felt like I finally found somewhere that knew my struggles, my battles with looking in the mirror and seeing the man looking back at me and wondering who the hell is that strange man. I wanted the woman that has always been inside to be seen!!
I started to dress more feminine, subtly at first, with jeans that fitted my legs and bum properly. I was still in 70% male mode but kind of gender fluid. I felt it was time I needed a bra and new gender affirming underwear, as I was feeling increasingly aware that I wasn't a woman without the basics. I measured my boobs and off I went to Marks and Spencer. I picked out about 4 bras that looked right nothing fancy as I wanted everyday bras and some comfortable knickers. I paid and couldn't wait to get home.... Gutted, most where the wrong shape or size but there was one that fitted and looked good under my male t-shirts. I finally had my first bra, tears did happen when I looked in the mirror as I was finally starting to feel like me and not some male imposter.
At the time my support network was my mum and she was brilliant. She spent hours listening to me, crying with me and on occasion challenged my thoughts when she thought i needed it. My brother and girlfriend however, did not like the changes!
Fast forward through 2019 into 2020 ..... Covid came and went and long story short, I was starting HRT Oestrogel 2mg trough a private in the September of 2022. I was ready, ready to experience womanhood and all it had to offer. By now, the only male clothes I had were socks and hoodies. My female wardrobe wasn't anything girly girly just a woman in her thirties getting on with life. My make-up bag however was overflowing haha.
My mum and I went out to the theatre in Manchester in October 2022. I was brave and went full female. Rachel was getting her first full evening out. Make-up done, some black jeans, nice top and new gorgeous wig on. Everything went as perfect as i could have hoped. No lingering stares, no one seemed to clock that i wasn't a cis female. Even at half time when queuing for the toilets, we chatted to the other women around us like it was just a regular Tuesday. To me it was the biggest and most special moment of my life. I was accepted.
This is where I start to get a little bit mentally messed up...Half way though December 2022. I was doing my usual morning skin routine applying the gel to the inside of my thighs and all of a sudden it felt like the male version of me had grabbed the wheel and kicked me out of the car. HRT stopped and Rachel was no longer in control. My body felt like it had done a factory reset and entered it's default setting, man. After this, my now ex partners mum passes away suddenly on the 22nd which was awful to be honest. She needed someone and I wanted to be there for her, but as the man i had been years ago when her granddad passed.
2023 was back to the gym to reclaim and rebuild myself. 9 months later i was in the best shape i had ever been, manwise. A lifetime away from standing with the girls queuing for the loo. Mentally better, more whole i had brought Rachel with me even though she was hidden she was still in there. I worked with a therapist to mash the two parts of me together and feel both masculine and feminine.
Which brings me now in 2025...
I am happy with myself mentally and the journey I've been on. Accepting of myself being both a strong feisty woman and stubborn man. I ordered some Swanson BO and PG from iHerb.com and have been taking it since mid/end of September entering the 6th week this week. I did have a second round of blood tests done at the doctors they were rechecking my thyroid levels which they did find my TSH levels where way too high at 14.29mlU/L and my T4 levels where low but not awful at 10.8pmol. So I've been put on thyroxine for the foreseeable future.
All is good mentally. i am calmer if anything. The BO and PG seem to be working and I've not had any bad side affects, just the good ones, the increase in boob volume and how i really notice them jiggle about now. Skin is softer, erections have lessened and are less hard.
All in all good progress and i aim to keep you all up to date as and when things change
I've included a pic from when I was full time Rachel and after the 9 months in the gym.
Thank you for reading and i hope i can be apart of this wonderful place.
xxx
I thought it was time I introduced myself and hopefully contribute to this wonderful place instead of just taking from it and hiding in the background.
So, firstly a timeline of where I've been....
In Dec of 2018 aged 30 the woman within me revealed herself. I subsequently spent the next couple of years trying PM and all the herbs I could think of to start the physical changes. I had spoken to my doctor in early 2019 and had been put on the list for my first appointment with an NHS gender specialist. I received my letter and it said roughly 2 years waiting list. WOW, i was gutted but not deterred. Mentally, I spent time getting to know my inner woman and trying to integrate her into my daily life as best as possible. I lived with my brother at the time and had been with my girlfriend for years. Both situations felt constricting to the new me and the new and exciting phase in my life.
Time ticked by and I read the old pueraria mirifica forums from cover to cover (so to speak). I read and watched as other girls like me develop and grow into beautiful female versions of themselves. I felt like I finally found somewhere that knew my struggles, my battles with looking in the mirror and seeing the man looking back at me and wondering who the hell is that strange man. I wanted the woman that has always been inside to be seen!!
I started to dress more feminine, subtly at first, with jeans that fitted my legs and bum properly. I was still in 70% male mode but kind of gender fluid. I felt it was time I needed a bra and new gender affirming underwear, as I was feeling increasingly aware that I wasn't a woman without the basics. I measured my boobs and off I went to Marks and Spencer. I picked out about 4 bras that looked right nothing fancy as I wanted everyday bras and some comfortable knickers. I paid and couldn't wait to get home.... Gutted, most where the wrong shape or size but there was one that fitted and looked good under my male t-shirts. I finally had my first bra, tears did happen when I looked in the mirror as I was finally starting to feel like me and not some male imposter.
At the time my support network was my mum and she was brilliant. She spent hours listening to me, crying with me and on occasion challenged my thoughts when she thought i needed it. My brother and girlfriend however, did not like the changes!
Fast forward through 2019 into 2020 ..... Covid came and went and long story short, I was starting HRT Oestrogel 2mg trough a private in the September of 2022. I was ready, ready to experience womanhood and all it had to offer. By now, the only male clothes I had were socks and hoodies. My female wardrobe wasn't anything girly girly just a woman in her thirties getting on with life. My make-up bag however was overflowing haha.
My mum and I went out to the theatre in Manchester in October 2022. I was brave and went full female. Rachel was getting her first full evening out. Make-up done, some black jeans, nice top and new gorgeous wig on. Everything went as perfect as i could have hoped. No lingering stares, no one seemed to clock that i wasn't a cis female. Even at half time when queuing for the toilets, we chatted to the other women around us like it was just a regular Tuesday. To me it was the biggest and most special moment of my life. I was accepted.
This is where I start to get a little bit mentally messed up...Half way though December 2022. I was doing my usual morning skin routine applying the gel to the inside of my thighs and all of a sudden it felt like the male version of me had grabbed the wheel and kicked me out of the car. HRT stopped and Rachel was no longer in control. My body felt like it had done a factory reset and entered it's default setting, man. After this, my now ex partners mum passes away suddenly on the 22nd which was awful to be honest. She needed someone and I wanted to be there for her, but as the man i had been years ago when her granddad passed.
2023 was back to the gym to reclaim and rebuild myself. 9 months later i was in the best shape i had ever been, manwise. A lifetime away from standing with the girls queuing for the loo. Mentally better, more whole i had brought Rachel with me even though she was hidden she was still in there. I worked with a therapist to mash the two parts of me together and feel both masculine and feminine.
Which brings me now in 2025...
I am happy with myself mentally and the journey I've been on. Accepting of myself being both a strong feisty woman and stubborn man. I ordered some Swanson BO and PG from iHerb.com and have been taking it since mid/end of September entering the 6th week this week. I did have a second round of blood tests done at the doctors they were rechecking my thyroid levels which they did find my TSH levels where way too high at 14.29mlU/L and my T4 levels where low but not awful at 10.8pmol. So I've been put on thyroxine for the foreseeable future.
All is good mentally. i am calmer if anything. The BO and PG seem to be working and I've not had any bad side affects, just the good ones, the increase in boob volume and how i really notice them jiggle about now. Skin is softer, erections have lessened and are less hard.
All in all good progress and i aim to keep you all up to date as and when things change
I've included a pic from when I was full time Rachel and after the 9 months in the gym.
Thank you for reading and i hope i can be apart of this wonderful place.
xxx
Attached Files
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