I'm not really new have been here for years under a different name 'my real name' and a different sense of being, or as some may say a volatile personality, yes I get that. I never did leave, I always look in but as I was active here I had good times where I would be supportive and had personal bad times where I would be awful to everybody. Blamed it on the E, in a way yes, it does make you go mental a bit but is controllable if you are strong enough to endure...I wasn't and I'm sorry. So very, very sorry. I saw that myself so requested myself that I was  banned, I got that not surprisingly. Anyway some long term members here already know who I am from my style of writing I'm sure, I was very,very active here but not always in a good way I'm now embarrassed to say. I'm not looking for forgiveness as I was a different person way back then and I wouldn't absolve me either but am just pleading for acceptance nothing more although that i know that is a BIG ask. There are so very few places left for people like us to receive acceptance or support, there is a time I have discovered that you finally accept who you are, how the substances you take to enhance yourself can effect your mind but you can shed the self  inflicted dilemma and finally be at peace with yourself and with others. This took me years to understand,  was fighting with myself in acceptance and denial and involuntarily taking others with me and hurting people in that process. I'm quite sensetive though so am not a blueprint for HRT. Anyway this is me, that's my face too...eeeeew. please don't judge. 
Well if I'm not welcome here even though im now serene and now capable of adult behaviour, just well...ignore. I would like to offer support and encouragement but I do know there are already lots of those already here who do, and didn't mess it up.

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Welcome back --everyone deserves a second chance

Not everybody, sometimes some of us can be inflicted by darker times and we can search for a person's weakness to exploit causing harm. There's absolutely no excuse, what's done is done, embarrassed though we may be yes that was me then just me but still was me. Not everybody deserves a second chance that's obvious to me and though I'm in a far better place I wouldn't give Hitler or Stalin a second chance. Okay I'm not at that extreme of course I'm not, but I can fully understand feelings I may have stomped upon, i have a lot of those myself. BTW anybody on 'stuff' feeling confused or overwhelmed by emotion and can't figure out why, you are not alone, definitely not, there are those who can attempt to help. Its not just you. Ask, that's all.

hey there Girl!!
I'm so happy to see you back!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO
And even happier to hear that you have found your path. I really look forward to your wisdom and love!

HUGGS
Bobbi

Bobbi, thanks so much you are a true, true friend to be cherished for always. Yes a fiend who helped me find my path, the place you told me to go to, I made many new friends but also fell in love too, to have my heart broken ofc. Just popping in to say hi, not sure where to go now but a recent pic of me. Stay safe all, listen to your own body, byyyyee ?

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Look who's back   true friends are hard to come by, I'm glad you have Bobbie. So you found love, then lost it, sorry to hear that. Like my momma used to say, "you'll find love when you least expect it".   BTW, great pic, I can see you've lost weight, congrats. 

WOW, Lotus, I'm kinda speechless.
You ARE the one we adore, admire, are in awe of, you actually remember me????
Thanks yeah, I finally got my hourglass but yes you can sorta see the ugly stretch marks on my belly  lol. I should really do photoshop or out of focus pics but naaaaaah, I'm a what you see is what you get kinda girl 
No frills, just bum and boobs.
Luv ya
Drew

Lovely picture and a great smile

Thanks Niaja and Lotus.
I need to admit the only reason I'm here is because yes I'm hurting, a lot.
Yes,Lotus you find love where you least expect it, that is soooooo true.
I lost it, I can't stop crying, Internet relationships never work, they aren't real....why do the emotions and feelings feel so intense, why does the hurt feel so very, very real? Why does it hurt this much.
I just can't stop, my eyes are so sore every tear feels like burning hot acid. Only thing I could think of was Bobbi, find Bobbi, go to BN even if everybody there hates you Drew, GET BOBBI.