Something in me keeps pushing me deeper


Hello my name is Richelle. I only found this site through Lotus who saw my post on Reddit and reached out recommending this site and its a good one. I was born a biological male but had crushes on guys all the way through high school but never thought i would ever end up as a transgender person until a year and a half ago. I bought some lip gloss at the Dollar Tree and then that evolved into buying makeup, wigs, and woman's clothing at Macy's, TJ Maxx and other places.

I'm finally realizing those boy crushes in school were not gay but the same crushes that girls have as I have had a female mind all of these years and didn't realize it. In addition to the clothing and make up that i rarely get to use, I have been taking PM and Solaray's Female Hormone SP7. I now have what I think are A cup breasts (SORE AS WE SPEAK) and my wiener is the size of a child's but has been useless prior to this transition as I have ED and the blue pill never worked for me. I have a curvy body and very smooth skin. I moisturize every day. I look very young for my age compare to others.

I love the new me but at the same time I am now at war with myself as something has been pushing me deeper and deeper to become a woman yet I have a dream job and a great family and i don't want to sacrafice them for this recent self discovery. I would love to be a girl more than anything but the sacrifice would be to much at this point.

I want the booty and the curves but I don't want breasts much bigger than what they are now as I don't want want this side of me to be discovered by others yet I keep pushing myself to the limit in becoming the girl.

Hello Richelle, and welcome to BN.

You’ll find that you’re in good company here and there is a wealth of scientific information that Lotus has provided us about using PM for breast growth. Lotus is a wonderful person and I hope that you find a lot of useful information here. Take a gander over to her Project-X thread for lots of researched information.

Good Luck & Take Care.

Hi Richelle,

You are not alone. I am very familiar with the push to be our true selves, yet the war inside continues. I too have a good job that would end and lose a lot of family, plus I carry a lot of shame and guilt from my childhood. I one day hope to live as my true self. I am not sure how this will happen or play out, but I think that it will happen. I have told a few trusted family members and they have accepted me, but I know others won't. I am like you with breast size, I would love a bigger size, but A cup for now is wonderful. I never stop thinking about being a woman, everyday, every minute, it is in my mind thoughts. 

Hope to see you around the site, 

P.S. Good find on the Soloray product! I don't take that but it looks interesting.

Thanks for the nice words!  I'm still trying to figure this all out and whats best. it's nice to know there are others out there like me who are also in the same battle. Something is driving me to continue when i know its not in my best interest to do so.

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