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Manue's Transition Logbook

#1
Heart 

Hello!

Wow, it's been a year already since I picked up that Pumeraria Mirifica bottle and decided to move forward into exploring the effects of estrogen for good. I never thought it would bring so much peace into my life! 1 year! Transitioning 1st came to my mind about 12 years ago and I have no regrets having postponed it. Even though, the results would be better, I'm glad to have pushed the man in me to the fullest extent of my capabilities, bearing the weight of a constant dysphoria along the way. It is now part of me and I don't have to bear it anymore. I feel free and in control. After coming out, I reached out to my extended family and lost connexions to make peace with my past and setting foundations for the future. I found out there was never a need to isolate myself in the 1st place if only to find myself. The support is overwhelming regardless of my conservative environnement.

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During summer, some political partner referred me for a chief financial officer position in a 20 milion dollars project privately funded and I was picked on the spot after the 1st interview in September. Just when I wanted to go back to work full-time! The owner told me that the reason I was chosen out of the lot is because I appear to let go easily. I don't have experience on a corporate board of administration, but I'm taking on the challenge! Being trans is very welcomed so I go to all meetings and hang outs dressed up feminine and to my surprise, it passes already with a broken French. These were my 1st experiences dressed up. So, I think I might be encouraged to continue on that career path as my new self if the project lifts off. Being CFO in large companies could be what gives me the motivation to remain in finance where adaptability matters the most as you have to bring different people together.

In fact, since August, when I'm freshly shaved, strangers tend to perceive me as a woman even though, I wear men's clothing most of the time. As long as it is fit. This brought me some pressure though because my voice wasn't functional. I witnessed some people's awkward reactions when speaking with my male voice ahah. So I put it to work and a friend I met online made me feel comfortable enough to start gaming with open mic and breaking into my feminine voice. Now, when I chat online and voice, I can use it and it works. I even get comments that my voice is relaxing. I got called mommy a few times. I'm super happy about it I keep running my mouth and talking to myself! I have Jamie-May and Mel87 to thank for the classes. Heart

One funny thing about my voice is that I only practiced and learned in English and the muscles developped accordingly. So, now that I'm trying to speak French, It's broken and drops to androgynous easily. My beautician even mentioned that it's normal since my mother tongue was English. OMG, what a shame after living in Québec my whole life ahah!

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I find that adapting to strangers' feedback is how I prefer to transition. So no make up and manly dressed but fit most of the time gives me the clearest feedback I can get about where I stand in-between. When I'm being asked by my friends and family when I'm going to make "the switch", I reply that if they have to ask, it's because it's still too early. To me it's all about confort. Even though I can go out and try things, if I end up feeling uncomfortable, I stop and postpone it. So, not full-time yet. I needed to piece together a lot of courage just to publish this. Sad

I'm creating this thread for inspiration and moving my transition diary here in the HRT section as I personally don't really want to post pictures of my skin. I'm also leaving phytoestrogen for good. I confidently know that supplementation built on Lotus' work and medication prescribed will optimize the results in the long term. I love the changes I see in the mirror and I'm looking forward to all the aesthetic treatments I'm going to get in the future to make it even better!

All and all I feel very happy. I wouldn't say that things go smooth at all times. I'm on a very low budget so my social activities are mostly halted to spend on the transition. It's a rough path but I take pleasure out of the challenges I face everyday. Smile

I'll share my latest program and lab results in a later post.

Blessings to all!

- Manue Heart unfiltered
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#2

5 pictures couldn't fit into one thread so here is a little extra to show the pelvic tilt result and the bum gain. I have nothing to compare for this pic but I believe it's relevant knowing I was flat with no lordosis. So, this is me from behind. Blush

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#3

Hi Manue,

You are inspirational! Many of us, like me, are just cracking open the closet door. Reading about others and their success and happiness warms my heart and resonates my soul!

Thank you,
Crystal
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#4

(15-10-2022, 11:56 AM)Crystal Amethyst Wrote:  Hi Manue,

You are inspirational! Many of us, like me, are just cracking open the closet door. Reading about others and their success and happiness warms my heart and resonates my soul!

Thank you,
Crystal

Thank you for the kind words and I'm glad it made your soul resonate! I also love your name ahah. Big Grin

I would like to share a bit more.

I found a comfortable spot with people that know my former self. That they are my clients, family or friends, I'll keep using my male voice and dress up manly/androgynous. My expression is naturally like that with them so why would I force things and feel awkward? I've been bouncing between walls about that since early transitioning and I hope to see the day I don't pay attention to people's reaction in my presence. I simply need it right now to know where I'm standing. I know that no matter the amount time and surgery I put on my feminine appearance, I'll always see a man in the mirror just like I know who is a trans when no cis people see it. With new people or on my own, they really don't know I was ever a manly man and I get more expressive and feminine. Again, naturally.

Although, I'm breaking personal records of celibacy right now, dating made a slight comeback and I let myself get approached by men as I'm much more receptive to that energy. Probably from the hormones.  Rolleyes The problem is that I'm straight! I still want to explore though, so I tell them right away with a "Good luck!". I love the flirt! Well, these men, no exception, became agressive and about to get violent. I gave chances and the next time got worse. I learned that when the tears (for me) and that cracking feeling come up, it's simply over. It happened when I wanted to understand something and was asking questions. In the past, I loved when women did that so I have no idea what's wrong! Dodgy

It could be perceived negatively, but I learned a lot about my (new) self and inverted dynamics through those experiences and I could express myself the way I felt. Practicing voice, boundaries, manners, etc. It's very helpful and my expectations are limited as I feel like I'm very early in my transformation. I move on rapidly.

Being comfortable in my skin by not having that dysphoria anymore is very empowering to the point I see people around me displaying utter respect like I never seen in my life. That means a lot to me. Heart

Other than this, I'm probably going to have my last facial laser session in November after 9 sessions only. So, if people can find a salon that uses a laser called "Triton" for hair removal, I definitely recommend it. Cool

I wish you a happy week! Wink
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#5

Smile
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#6

(20-10-2022, 03:00 AM)Lotus Wrote:  Smile

Hey Lotus. Thanks for the compliments.  Heart  I couldn't gather focus lately because I caught a bad cold. My apologies for not replying before. Sad

Here a new update.  Wink

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I recently had my ears pierced. I was scared it was going to hurt but it went very well. I believe the gold studs are gonna make the healing easier until I put in different sets. I went through my old pictures and I found this one in a black suit. I showed the 3 old pictures to a friend I met this summer and he was in shock. He made me realize how little I thought of myself back then. I cried a lot afterward. I don't know if it's the hormones but I think the man I was is hot! I decided to order framed canvas of that black suit. One for my living room in sepia and one for my parents. I think it's going to make wonderful presents in their honor.

Last face laser session this week. I'm super excited!

Blessings to all.
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#7

Manue,

Congrats on the pierced ears! I did my own during the lockdown. I used the Amazon at home kit. One ear didn't feel anything the other stung a tiny bit. 

And my compliments on your femininity!! 

--Crystal
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#8

(01-11-2022, 10:27 AM)Crystal Amethyst Wrote:  Manue,

Congrats on the pierced ears! I did my own during the lockdown. I used the Amazon at home kit. One ear didn't feel anything the other stung a tiny bit. 

And my compliments on your femininity!! 

--Crystal

Ahah, thank you! The last picture in the blue shirt is the most recent and is certainly the most feminine I've taken yet. The two others were from September.

The same happened to me with the ears and the lady said it's always like that for the second hole. Apparently it gets worse the more you do at once! Big Grin
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#9

New update, BIG NEWS!

It seems like I've made it during the last two weeks. I've been on 8mg E2 for one month now and I believe it gave the final kick. Doors opening by themselves  Big Grin  and politeness from strangers. I've recently been asked for ID's to buy alcohol which didn't happen for more than 15 years. A couple of friends gave me 25 when I'm actually 35...

I got a very embarrassing experience at Costco. Now that I'm getting comfortable with my voice, I use it more and the cashier lady asked this week, after seing my membership card, "Where is sir? This is not your card." So it probably showed in my face, but I leaned forward to speak closer to the lady and I replied "It's me." with my deep male voice. I'm so shy and I was totally speechless. They got embarrassed as well, so they gave my cart away to another customer by mistake and I was left with my groceries with nothing carry it. I had to wait for them to bring one back and repackage everything. I was suffering. At least the lady gave me many compliments. So embarrassing! Blush

I hope my sex change certificate is going to arrive rapidly so I can begin to update my IDs. I'll probably get used to it. In the mean time, after this event and other ones, I now believe it to be a done thing. I crossed that line without makeup and not dressing up overly feminine. No heels

I'm so excited! Being called ma'am continuously makes me feel special and like myself.

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Even though, I've been taking pictures over and over, I have a Galaxy S21 and I can't get over the fact that most pictures get distorted. I love what I see in the mirror, but not on the camera. Even for videos. I'm trying to save up to buy a proper equipment. I'm thinking of the Vlogger style from Sony that may also be used as a webcam. I would love to upload more. Heart

I'm looking forward to experiement more with feminine clothes now. Like wearing those ankle boots outside to get accustomed to heels. Standing and posing is easy, but I believe that walking with them is a whole other story. It needs to look natural with correct posture. Dodgy
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#10

Wow you are very pretty. Have confidence in your self.
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