[Lotus]

Hey Caged, I'm not bothered by the length of your story… the important thing is it's out in the open (with the wife) and you need to express your feelings now.

Lol, I made the mistake of leaving my phone open (for like five minutes) near my wife… long enough for her to read about my wanting to transition and seeing a few of my boob pics. My situation went down much like yours Caged. That was about 4 yrs ago, we're still together. My situation is also a lot like Kay-Ladys too.

Lesson learned if you're not ready to be outed,  don't forget to close your phone, and yes, my phone is password protected. Imho, its human nature for partners to snoop on their partner's phone, the temptation is to great.

Not all relationships stay intact once someone comes out (in our context as trans), but some do, and that gives hope to someone like you in the beginning stages of trying to sort things out with the other half. Lol, my wife doesn't pick out bras, clothes or make-up for me... actually I prefer it that way anyways. There's different (call what you want) levels, forms (etc) of being trans, or expressions. For myself I don't feel the need to be all girly, I still enjoy doing guy stuff. It's more important how I see myself under my clothes (meaning, mind, body and spirit)… using makeup, doing my nails, or how the cookie cutter mold of how transwomen should be isn't me at all. I've learned I'm non-binary, and I don't give crap what anyone has to say about it. 

Caged, I hope you and your wife can work things out and stay together. I hope the same for any other couples (married or not) going through similar events. I've been married for 27 yrs, it's not perfect, despite our troubles we still love each other, as many times as I think we can't make it, I just can't see myself living life without her, and that's enough for me to keep going… together.

Thank you for sharing your story, it may help some people. 

[HelloDiDi]

So its morning and I'm going to give a proper reply.

Be prepared to having a hard long road in front of you. No matter how you deal with it, transitioning is tough job which is also quite unthankful. People don't understand shit about what we have to go through and deal with. They don't know the wait, pain of dysphoria, physical pain of surgery recoveries, they don't understand the social stigma that still lingers. People aren't as nice and open minded as they want to seem like. Most if it is surface level aceeptance which is more like a tolerance as it lacks understanding.

For me starting out was quite easy, my life situation was nearly perfect for it. I did all outings in a mad rush before I was even on HRT back in early 2020. Mostly people reacted quite calmly. But I've slowly lost almost all my friends. They have rejected and ghosted me, few acted up like morons, most just went away. Those who stayed are my fiance (she's non binary btw.), my band mates and some family member, one of whom became much closer than before. My father was really stuck up difficult and he has become almost no contact in my life since. My mother took things harshly at first but slowly wokred her mind around it and quite soon I've been nothing but her daughter and she doesn't even mistake my name any more. I love my mom, she's amazing figuring this stuff out in her eighties.

The biggest price I have had to pay for my transition is loss of social status and friends. Its much worse than I thought it would be, I have slowly built up a new social circle which still after sevearal years is tiny, but I'm going towards a new life on that. It is likely the hardest part to almost every trans person out there unless they're lucky with very open minded circle of people around them, that's a privilege.

I guess I'm the most chiche, stereotype of a trans woman around here. My interests are still quite largely typically mens interests, but then again, I've always been artistic and sensitive, my mind has been 100% of a woman since I was born so not much changed on that. I've had a good eye for aesthetics since ages ago, so dressing up and getting dolled feel natural. Its fun! I have become to love all stereotypically feminine things a lot. I would have never believed how lovely dresses and skirts can be! But I guess the moment there's body for such clothes, they can become really comfortable. Thank gods for being so curvy, it makes a lot fo clothes fit nicely. Excluding 5'11" height and being over all quite big. At least HRT and surgical procedures are helping to compensate a lot.

So I'm a traditional trans woman in many aspects. If I had the life situation and means for it, I would have even done the old school way of moving somewhere else, making a life that's entirely new and go stealth. These days I stealth in public, even in official settings unless its something directly dealing with my transition. New people who have came to my life lately do not know about my background and they don't have to. If this old fashioned way of being invibile the right way, I don't know, at least its the way of least resistance and pain in social settings. Being 100% cis passable means people treat me normally and they mostly treat me much better than when I lived as a man. Obviously becoming fully passable isn't possible for everybody and some don't even wish to do it, all strength to those people who can deal with bullying and horrible treatment from close minded bigoted cis asshats. At least I don't need to deal with that which I think is the strong point of old school fully binary transition.

Speaking of transitioning, I'm going all the way with everything I can possibly get. The old fashioned way of getting it all. I will not stay non op, that's for sure, its only a matter of waiting to get there now. At least I hope so. I'm also going in for what some plastic surgeries our healthcare doesn't cover because most of my dysphoria concentrates around body shape and proportions. Not so much about my face thankfully, but for that some minor feminisation is something I'm thinking of. SRS is absolute must, even though I can tolerate my genitals for now because I'm forced to. Going for orchi, or zero depth wouldn't be enough for me, I'll take the long recovery and get it fully done. ^_^ So what ever you may end up needing for yourself, I'll be here with plenty of exprience to tell how its been for me. I'll keep telling my story on my thread and you know where to reach me for chats.   

When I started my transition, unlike many others who have come and gone, I decided to stick up with BN and keep posting. So many come here and later figure out they need to transition and peer support isn't always a self explanatory thing. Its a great resource for everything about boobs and so much more. I wish you get your life figured out and things get easier to deal with. Going through so much in such short time is crazy. Anyway, have fun, there's a lot fo be discussed. 

[CM213]

Hey Caged, I'm not bothered by the length of your story… the important thing is it's out in the open (with the wife) and you need to express your feelings now.

Lol, I made the mistake of leaving my phone open (for like five minutes) near my wife… long enough for her to read about my wanting to transition and seeing a few of my boob pics. My situation went down much like yours Caged. That was about 4 yrs ago, we're still together. My situation is also a lot like Kay-Ladys too.

Lesson learned if you're not ready to be outed,  don't forget to close your phone, and yes, my phone is password protected. Imho, its human nature for partners to snoop on their partner's phone, the temptation is to great.

Not all relationships stay intact once someone comes out (in our context as trans), but some do, and that gives hope to someone like you in the beginning stages of trying to sort things out with the other half. Lol, my wife doesn't pick out bras, clothes or make-up for me... actually I prefer it that way anyways. There's different (call what you want) levels, forms (etc) of being trans, or expressions. For myself I don't feel the need to be all girly, I still enjoy doing guy stuff. It's more important how I see myself under my clothes (meaning, mind, body and spirit)… using makeup, doing my nails, or how the cookie cutter mold of how transwomen should be isn't me at all. I've learned I'm non-binary, and I don't give crap what anyone has to say about it. 

Caged, I hope you and your wife can work things out and stay together. I hope the same for any other couples (married or not) going through similar events. I've been married for 27 yrs, it's not perfect, despite our troubles we still love each other, as many times as I think we can't make it, I just can't see myself living life without her, and that's enough for me to keep going… together.

Thank you for sharing your story, it may help some people. 

Thanks lotus I appreciate the kind words and encouragement. I'm not sure what exactly I am or how trans I am or even ever will be. I know at my core there are still many things that won't change no matter if I'm a man or woman. The things that I like to do are still going to be the same regardless. Some are things that are considered more masculine and some are considered things that are probably more feminine. Again I'm not sure where I'm a land but as of right now I feel like I may be more non-binary or gender fluid as I'm going through day to day things but like you said I think you described it well as it doesn't matter what's on the outside or the stereotypical things that trans women do to make them look and feel more girly like you said I feel it's more about underneath all that and being 100% at peace with your body and mind being an accurate reflection of one another. 

27 years of marriage is an amazing accomplishment. Here's to many more years for you and your wife. I hope you are doing well and thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

[CM213]

So its morning and I'm going to give a proper reply.

Be prepared to having a hard long road in front of you. No matter how you deal with it, transitioning is tough job which is also quite unthankful. People don't understand shit about what we have to go through and deal with. They don't know the wait, pain of dysphoria, physical pain of surgery recoveries, they don't understand the social stigma that still lingers. People aren't as nice and open minded as they want to seem like. Most if it is surface level aceeptance which is more like a tolerance as it lacks understanding.

For me starting out was quite easy, my life situation was nearly perfect for it. I did all outings in a mad rush before I was even on HRT back in early 2020. Mostly people reacted quite calmly. But I've slowly lost almost all my friends. They have rejected and ghosted me, few acted up like morons, most just went away. Those who stayed are my fiance (she's non binary btw.), my band mates and some family member, one of whom became much closer than before. My father was really stuck up difficult and he has become almost no contact in my life since. My mother took things harshly at first but slowly wokred her mind around it and quite soon I've been nothing but her daughter and she doesn't even mistake my name any more. I love my mom, she's amazing figuring this stuff out in her eighties.

The biggest price I have had to pay for my transition is loss of social status and friends. Its much worse than I thought it would be, I have slowly built up a new social circle which still after sevearal years is tiny, but I'm going towards a new life on that. It is likely the hardest part to almost every trans person out there unless they're lucky with very open minded circle of people around them, that's a privilege.

I guess I'm the most chiche, stereotype of a trans woman around here. My interests are still quite largely typically mens interests, but then again, I've always been artistic and sensitive, my mind has been 100% of a woman since I was born so not much changed on that. I've had a good eye for aesthetics since ages ago, so dressing up and getting dolled feel natural. Its fun! I have become to love all stereotypically feminine things a lot. I would have never believed how lovely dresses and skirts can be! But I guess the moment there's body for such clothes, they can become really comfortable. Thank gods for being so curvy, it makes a lot fo clothes fit nicely. Excluding 5'11" height and being over all quite big. At least HRT and surgical procedures are helping to compensate a lot.

So I'm a traditional trans woman in many aspects. If I had the life situation and means for it, I would have even done the old school way of moving somewhere else, making a life that's entirely new and go stealth. These days I stealth in public, even in official settings unless its something directly dealing with my transition. New people who have came to my life lately do not know about my background and they don't have to. If this old fashioned way of being invibile the right way, I don't know, at least its the way of least resistance and pain in social settings. Being 100% cis passable means people treat me normally and they mostly treat me much better than when I lived as a man. Obviously becoming fully passable isn't possible for everybody and some don't even wish to do it, all strength to those people who can deal with bullying and horrible treatment from close minded bigoted cis asshats. At least I don't need to deal with that which I think is the strong point of old school fully binary transition.

Speaking of transitioning, I'm going all the way with everything I can possibly get. The old fashioned way of getting it all. I will not stay non op, that's for sure, its only a matter of waiting to get there now. At least I hope so. I'm also going in for what some plastic surgeries our healthcare doesn't cover because most of my dysphoria concentrates around body shape and proportions. Not so much about my face thankfully, but for that some minor feminisation is something I'm thinking of. SRS is absolute must, even though I can tolerate my genitals for now because I'm forced to. Going for orchi, or zero depth wouldn't be enough for me, I'll take the long recovery and get it fully done. ^_^ So what ever you may end up needing for yourself, I'll be here with plenty of exprience to tell how its been for me. I'll keep telling my story on my thread and you know where to reach me for chats.   

When I started my transition, unlike many others who have come and gone, I decided to stick up with BN and keep posting. So many come here and later figure out they need to transition and peer support isn't always a self explanatory thing. Its a great resource for everything about boobs and so much more. I wish you get your life figured out and things get easier to deal with. Going through so much in such short time is crazy. Anyway, have fun, there's a lot fo be discussed. 

HelloDidi,

Thank you for sharing your story and experiences with me. The more knowledge I can get ultimately will help me in the long run. I am extremely fortunate and appreciative of you and everyone here for their knowledge and advice and especially their first-hand experiences. 

I am sorry that you have had a really tough time transitioning with all the loss. I'm glad that you are moving forward and are in a better place even if you're circle of friends is a small one. It's a start at a new life. 

I'm sure you reach all the goals you have set forth for yourself. With how successful you've been on here I don't see you not achieving them or settling for anything less. 

I'm not quite sure what lies ahead for me. All I know is that I owe it to myself to at least indulge and explore this side of me. Especially since I'm not getting any younger lol. 

Thank you again for the advice and sharing your experience. I'm sure I will ask you as well as the many other people on here for advice, suggestions, and probably just to have some one-on-one girl talk as well lol.

[Teddy]

So its morning and I'm going to give a proper reply....

And what a reply it was!

I can't imagine really deeply but only on shallow "intelligence level" how hard times you have gone through. I know something about Finnish discriminatory mindset because I'm born and grown up there. The difference between accepting and tolerating (because latter is "politically correct") is significant.

On top of all the other difficulties losing friends feels for sure very bad  - I would say it tells something very sad about those who just "disappeared" or became cold and distant. However, my words don't help your situation. I only want to say, I respect and admire you and your courage of going your way as you felt was right.

I am sure that here you have a lot of friends who understand you and who you can count on, and I am more than willing to be one of them whom you can any time talk to if you want, through the open forum or by private messages.

With love and a LOT of respect (If I could send you now a real physical hug, I would do it, and hold you tightly, sister!)

Teddy

[HelloDiDi]

So its morning and I'm going to give a proper reply....

And what a reply it was!

I can't imagine really deeply but only on shallow "intelligence level" how hard times you have gone through. I know something about Finnish discriminatory mindset because I'm born and grown up there. The difference between accepting and tolerating (because latter is "politically correct") is significant.

On top of all the other difficulties losing friends feels for sure very bad  - I would say it tells something very sad about those who just "disappeared" or became cold and distant. However, my words don't help your situation. I only want to say, I respect and admire you and your courage of going your way as you felt was right.

I am sure that here you have a lot of friends who understand you and who you can count on, and I am more than willing to be one of them whom you can any time talk to if you want, through the open forum or by private messages.

With love and a LOT of respect (If I could send you now a real physical hug, I would do it, and hold you tightly, sister!)

Teddy

Finland certainly has our own way of being assholes towards who ever doesn't tow the line and fit in. Most Finns are kinda wimpy with that, do not stir the pot, don't poke hornets nest, play safe and do things like they've always been done is the way and I'm a total polar opposite of that mindset! But then again, transitioning and being part of any gender/sex minority is always tough no matter where its done... But Finnish silent discrimination has its own infuriating side to it. At least most people aren't openly transphobic, I presume Sweden is a lot alike?

Even though my experience isn't spot on the same as how others have it, I think I can likely help out people like CM who's figuring things out and wondering how to keep going.

[Kay Lady]

Hi CM213,

I think that you are in the right direction and doing the right thing. I want to thank you and everyone who responded to in this thread. It has been wonderful reading for me and I hope for you CM213! When I see a trans person, my heart sings because that is a person who is living their authentic self, not wearing a mask to please a sick society or live by some dysfunctional family rules that don't allow thinking outside the box. 

There is a wonderful video series on YouTube about a married couple and the husband transitioned. If interested, go to YouTube and search for "Great Scotts." Their last name is Scott. They stayed together and are still in love. They have many interesting videos about their family life. Most of our situations are not as ideal as theirs. 

I wish everyone happiness and safety going forward!
~Kay

[CM213]

Thanks lady Kay I will have to look into their series on YouTube

[Toni68!]

you all are so brave doing a complete transformation I am very happy for you and best of luck