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At a crossroad

#1

I have been experimenting with nbe for about 6 months and have seen results.   Due to a non-related medical issue I stopped taking any herbals about two weeks ago (also ran out of PM), but still continue to massage and pump.  In just 2 weeks off, my nipples have become less sensitive and night time/morning erections have returned with vengeance.  I was feeling small lumps under my nipples that have all but dissipated. 

I feel I am at a crossroad, and need to decide if I want to go back on PM, or just give up on the entire idea of growing breasts.   From what I have experienced so far,  if I continue I'm convinced my results will be quite noticeable. I'm 6'5" former powerlifter, big chest and huge arms.  Just my shear size makes it impossible to even come close to looking feminine.   Basically I feel I am a decent looking guy, but would just look hideous as a woman.  I was playing with a photo editor and was both turned on and scared of what I created.

The other side of me, doesn't care what people think.  I go shirtless and already get gawkers, so that part won't change.   It won't affect my job or relationship with my wife.  Growing breasts has become somewhat of a passion.  I look forward to sitting around in panties, massaging my chest with herbs,  and pumping / cupping for a few hours.  I have only taken low dosages of PM,  but I do enjoy the calmness and emotions I feel with it.  When not on PM, I seem to be obsessed with sex.   PM removes the sexual urgency, and my orgasm build slower over my entire body and the final peak lasts much longer.   Just nipple play can put me in a orgasmic state of pleasure when on PM.  Even just jogging, the way my chest bounces and my nipples rub my shirt is heavenly.

My entire life I have enjoyed being somewhat of an "alpha male", as I have always been big and strong guy.   I'm still trying to understand myself in knowing if this is just a sexual kink or something deeper.  I know I cannot experience life as a woman, but know PM makes me feel less manly and I seem to really enjoy that mindset.  At times I fantasize about being a woman, grabbing my chest and rubbing my 'clit' through my panties to a slow drawn out orgasm.  I would hate to give up the ability to to have sex with a woman, but at times I feel like I would like to be submissive and taken like one.

I sit here with amazon open, PM and reishi in my cart, trying to decide if I hit 'order'.  Somehow I think that if I do, my life may never be the same.   Even if I don't do it today, will I be able to stop from doing it tomorrow?    
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#2

Hi. Im feel probably the same sensation. Under my nipples or only in the left, seems the the bud is growing. And sometimes i started to feel feminine when i get aroused and more submissive. And is true, the pleasure before peak of orgasm is incredible.  Blush  I dont know what is correct to do and im scared too.
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#3

I have been at the same point many times. If you haven't made up your mind already, maybe this will help you: Alan Watts - Choice

good luck ~ Maze
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#4

(25-06-2021, 05:24 PM)Maze Wrote:  I have been at the same point many times. If you haven't made up your mind already, maybe this will help you: Alan Watts - Choice

good luck ~ Maze

Always enjoy a good Watts (much of his approach stems from eastern thought). To counterbalance that, tend to keep Schopenhauer (not a fan) in mind, who saw the "will to power" working in the world in such a way that was not always to our best interest - inclinations, urges, and whims getting us to do things we otherwise might not (including getting married and having children). 

No harm in stepping back and thinking things through. It keeps one in check from rushing towards something and giving pause, to thinking it through. 

The clouds analogy is a good one...but we are not clouds. They are wonderfully ethereal. Definitely appreciate that.

There are no easy answers. And we shouldn't expect one.

Watts would have appreciated that. Smile
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#5

(25-06-2021, 05:24 PM)Maze Wrote:  I have been at the same point many times. If you haven't made up your mind already, maybe this will help you: Alan Watts - Choice

good luck ~ Maze


Awesome clip  Smile" alt="Smile" title="Smile">

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#6

When this situation comes, its good to sit back and self reflect.... That's what I did twice, both times when I had some new results. But for me it was more being scared of what there is to come, taking a little time out for myself before pushing on as it was obvious that I can't stop and also what my motivation and goals are. Things came kinda simple the day I accepted that my mind and soul are that of a woman, I am a woman.... From that point on, things became obvious on what to do.

I'm going to play the devils advocate here and say that having these doubts and thoughts on this stuff is a sign on its own that something's up. But its a good idea to stop for a bit and consider and think on what is right for you. But one thing, being big and bulky and saying "I could never" isn't a good idea. There's been so many "I could never's" and then they did it. Some times a lot of time and many regrets later. I was in that point too at one time.

Anyway, take a breather and search your feelings. Smile
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#7

Just looking back at my old posts.   About 10 months ago I was very unsure if I should continue trying to develop my breasts.  My main concern was spending all this effort and just ending up looking like a big freaky guy with tits.   I have no plans of ever transitioning,  but the strange part is the more I grow, the more I like how my chest looks and enjoy how it feels.  

It's almost like a addiction coupled with 'conceit', were I am constantly looking in the mirror, studying how I look, and even taking lots of pictures.   I have been losing weight and as I do, my hips and butt have become more apparent giving me a little bit of 'curves'.  So overall, I have accepted that enjoy having breasts and plan on continuing.  Same plan, going slow and steady with lots of breaks to keep things working down below.  How much more remains to be seen, but it feels right at the moment.    

Still a bit concerned about what to do this summer at the beach or swimming...   Hopefully me being topless doesn't offend anyone,  as big guy like me with a thong and bikini top would really look odd, lol. 

         
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#8

Interesting weekend at the local rummage sales.  I wasn't planning on buying a dress,  but something came over me when I seen it.   It looked big enough and the material is so soft and silky....  I just couldn't resist.   This was my first purchase of 'female' clothing other than undergarments.     

It felt so liberating just lounging around the house and sitting  outside on the deck with a drink and wearing it with just a pair of panties on underneath.  The feel of the slightly padded silky cups felt sooo nice against my breasts & nipples.  My wife dared me to walk around our back yard in total view of the neighbors, but I'm not quite ready for that. 

   

My other find was a pair of 5.5" cupping set.   They lose pressure slowly, but still work well if I keep them attached to the pump. 

   

Still firmly in the 'males staying males' in public, but do feel like I am 'drifting' slowly in my private life.  Exciting and scary both at the same time.
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#9

(18-04-2022, 03:45 PM)Breast_wishes Wrote:  Just looking back at my old posts.   About 10 months ago I was very unsure if I should continue trying to develop my breasts.  My main concern was spending all this effort and just ending up looking like a big freaky guy with tits.   I have no plans of ever transitioning,  but the strange part is the more I grow, the more I like how my chest looks and enjoy how it feels.  

It's almost like a addiction coupled with 'conceit', were I am constantly looking in the mirror, studying how I look, and even taking lots of pictures.   I have been losing weight and as I do, my hips and butt have become more apparent giving me a little bit of 'curves'.  So overall, I have accepted that enjoy having breasts and plan on continuing.  Same plan, going slow and steady with lots of breaks to keep things working down below.  How much more remains to be seen, but it feels right at the moment.    

Still a bit concerned about what to do this summer at the beach or swimming...   Hopefully me being topless doesn't offend anyone,  as big guy like me with a thong and bikini top would really look odd, lol. 

.  I must say that you have a incredible ass

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#10

(08-07-2022, 10:06 AM)Ezra38c Wrote:   I must say that you have a incredible ass

Thank you! Blush   NBE has definitely given me a bit of a booty.
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