[SweetO]

I had no idea about your intentions to have surgery. Whatever you decide, I'm sure you're going to look beautiful 

[HelloDiDi]

It was a dream... A silly distant naive dream because I grew up in a world where no "normal" person can get any work done like that... And then I met my girlfriend who's well off enough to have the chance to help me out. I never asked her to, she offered it herself. Its just too dreamy, too good to let go. I don't feel deserving at all, but I'm gonna take it. I could never pay anything like that on my own anyway.

It will be a major overhaul of body proportions and likely some minor fixes to my face. Some to fight dysphoria, some to fight aging. I'm trying to find some hope in this stupidly late transition... Maybe I can be a bit prettier with some $$$, maybe I can get back something that was stolen from me, make due for wasted years.

What I have for now is a general plan for what to get done and a consultation with the surgeon coming up next month. I'll know better after that, I'm sure he will come up with some good ideas and we get details down about it all.

I have quite nasty midlife crisis going on in a way, its bit like when I was hitting thirties but this hurts for real because I'm becoming so aware of passage of time, how my body is not reversing a day from where I'm now and how a lot of doors have closed for me. Getting some cosmetic fixes done that healthcare isn't going to cover is amazing privilege, super mega lucky. Kinda thing that never happens to me.

I hope it will make life happier and more worth living. For now I have no other purpose than transition and healing, making every day count and catching up on things I should have done ages ago.

[HelloDiDi]

I have some weird shuffling going on with lactation herbs and what not... Shatavari ran out, but I just restarted milk thistle which I know to work for me quite nicely, so I'm gonna try what happens when I switch one to another. Moringa might run out too in two days but I should get a parcel from iHerb soon that my girlfriend ordered, it has some stuff for me and some for her. She got amazing discount on it so was totally worth the order.

Also the Elvie pump cups with 24mm flange are getting way too tight and I'm having heavy blistering on BOTH nipples at the same time. I have been either busy or tired for the last week so much less hours on the pump, I don't think it has much to do with this, unless my nipples have gone a bit smaller, just enough to get blistered again. Left is absolutely rough looking, it healed already once but got blisters again right after. Its a good sign of them growing as this only happens at a certain point where they almost totally fill the flange... So very peculiar point. Also one more of the tube attachments once again broke out of nowhere. Luckily I had one more lying around and switched it over. Its obvious by now that this particular piece is horrible engineering or manufacturing, they're so fragile its crazy especially on quite pricey cups which are otherwise fnatastic.

I'm supposed to get the Spectra cups by thursday and I'm excited to try as they're rated so good. Also getting to upgrade to 28mm is exciting, I have no idea what to expect other than its likely a similar jump as previous time. I hope I can heal the blisters before I get the new cups. Healing them isn't difficult, I've noted now that cleanliness is imperative, not a tiniest infection since I've paid special attention on keeping everything clean and having a lot of braless time.

I got something really nice yesterday, new piercings on my ears, now I have three per side and I love it. They're already healing, no swelling and there's a lot of itch going on. The lady who made them was super nice, friend of my girlfriend from ages ago... She was very professional and quick with it and I think I found a new friend. She's an artist of all trades, piercings, tattoos, photography, paintings and what ever else. Really cool chick and now I know who to ask if I ever want more piercings or even some ink. And she's super good with makeup, gf asked if she could help out next summer to do a total makeover for me and take some good quality pictures. She agreed and seemed to be excited about the idea. Its so awesome, last time I had pro pics taken was my thrash metal bands promo pics five years ago and nothing since.

I kinda feel that having new piercings and being able to play with earrings will give me a little nice confidence boost. I'm planning for more selfcare too, soon I'll be booking the surgery obviously, then I want to get my hair done... In a way I hadn't had for a long time. Oh and now I got really awesome stuff to make nails. I did a practicerun on my gf and it turned out amazingly good, the best result I've ever done in my life. Black topped with magnetic chameleon colour, looks like northern lights or starry sky, it came out amazing. I'm waiting to grow my nails out a bit so I can do the same for myself. I need practice, fiance already agreed to let me do her nails also. ^_^

I hope all this works out... I really need some positive things to happen, I want to heal and this seems like a way to it.

[Mashtenn]

It looks like your are having a great day.  Happy for you.

[HelloDiDi]

Day 895, 29½ months.

So another half month update, I feel a bit better now that I restarted progesterone. I had a month off of it, except for the topical one. It was interesting experiement. Lowering prog helped to lactate a lot, but it wasn't a world of difference. It did however mess up my moods quite badly and this time of year I always get seasonal depression anyway so it just amplified everything... I'm obviously also having a sort of an age crisis, lot of often painful self reflection and looking back and to the future, wondering how will life keep throwing me around. Lot of crying and pain, letting go, self acceptance in some things, anxiety of what is coming as big life changing events are on the way.

Anyway, restarting prog along with some other little tweaks has drastically improved my mental state very quickly which is awesome. I kept quiet for a while for this reason, I didn't want to rant and cry and shout into the void too much as almost everyone gets tired with me when I do that. I've been leaning onto my girlfriend a lot with all these things and her patience is impeccable.

So, lactation stuff is going quite nicely, I'm learning a lot. The Elvie cups with 24mm funnel were simply just too shallow and too small. I now got the amazing mind blowingly awesome Spectra cups, 28mm funnel with some extra depth. I'm expecting to get the 24mm version too as I presume it to be more suitable for now. These cups are amazing! Less parts, no weak spots, zero air leaks out so lower power on the pump gives MORE pressure! These cups are THE thing to get what ever pump you got in use, they're simple, sturdy and there's zero weak parts on them, get them, they're amazing!
 

Then some fun stuff, I haven't measured for a while, but my 38KK bra is bursting at the seams. Its literally creaking when I straighten my back. I'm trying to handle it for now as after the body contouring etc., I will need new bras anyway. I went to see my mom the other day and had perfect excuse to wear this lovely dress, so here's some pics. Also check out my new piercings, I can now play with earrings a whole lot more. And the last pic, who needs lip fillers? xD HRT is so amazing, that's just lip gloss and silly kissy pose, I love it.



The changes I've made with my program are quite simple, I started trying Swansons multi glandular, it has BO and uterine tissue along with some others, I take two caps a day. Also I decided to use the pituitary caps I had lying about, its enough for two months so that too, just one per day. I'm out of shatavari and morigna but started Milk thistle on 2400mg/day dosage. Interestingly my milk supply is again rising and I'm taking a bit less of the prolactin herb stuff, appears that both combinations I've tried so far work quite well. For me what really does the magic is pumping! More I pump, more milky I get. Also milk supply follows my monthly cycle like clockwork, when period is close, titties go dry and then milky again. I've repeated this pattern now four times and it never seems to fail so I know to expect it.

I dropped GABA to 1500mg instead of 2250mg, higher dose seems to amplify anxiety symptoms while bit less is perfect. I'm taking bit over a recommended daily dose of omega 3's also, that has felt really nice, just over all feeling better. So Bovine Ovary at 1800mg, Uterine 300mg, Pituitary 80mg, GABA down to 1500mg and everything else as before.

I will update more about the pump and the amazing new cups once I get more hours done on it, so far its extremely promising, easily the best breast pump cups I've ever had.

[Billie]

Day 895, 29½ months.

So another half month update, I feel a bit better now that I restarted progesterone. I had a month off of it, except for the topical one. It was interesting experiement. Lowering prog helped to lactate a lot, but it wasn't a world of difference. It did however mess up my moods quite badly and this time of year I always get seasonal depression anyway so it just amplified everything... I'm obviously also having a sort of an age crisis, lot of often painful self reflection and looking back and to the future, wondering how will life keep throwing me around. Lot of crying and pain, letting go, self acceptance in some things, anxiety of what is coming as big life changing events are on the way.

Anyway, restarting prog along with some other little tweaks has drastically improved my mental state very quickly which is awesome. I kept quiet for a while for this reason, I didn't want to rant and cry and shout into the void too much as almost everyone gets tired with me when I do that. I've been leaning onto my girlfriend a lot with all these things and her patience is impeccable.

So, lactation stuff is going quite nicely, I'm learning a lot. The Elvie cups with 24mm funnel were simply just too shallow and too small. I now got the amazing mind blowingly awesome Spectra cups, 28mm funnel with some extra depth. I'm expecting to get the 24mm version too as I presume it to be more suitable for now. These cups are amazing! Less parts, no weak spots, zero air leaks out so lower power on the pump gives MORE pressure! These cups are THE thing to get what ever pump you got in use, they're simple, sturdy and there's zero weak parts on them, get them, they're amazing!
 

Then some fun stuff, I haven't measured for a while, but my 38KK bra is bursting at the seams. Its literally creaking when I straighten my back. I'm trying to handle it for now as after the body contouring etc., I will need new bras anyway. I went to see my mom the other day and had perfect excuse to wear this lovely dress, so here's some pics. Also check out my new piercings, I can now play with earrings a whole lot more. And the last pic, who needs lip fillers? xD HRT is so amazing, that's just lip gloss and silly kissy pose, I love it.



The changes I've made with my program are quite simple, I started trying Swansons multi glandular, it has BO and uterine tissue along with some others, I take two caps a day. Also I decided to use the pituitary caps I had lying about, its enough for two months so that too, just one per day. I'm out of shatavari and morigna but started Milk thistle on 2400mg/day dosage. Interestingly my milk supply is again rising and I'm taking a bit less of the prolactin herb stuff, appears that both combinations I've tried so far work quite well. For me what really does the magic is pumping! More I pump, more milky I get. Also milk supply follows my monthly cycle like clockwork, when period is close, titties go dry and then milky again. I've repeated this pattern now four times and it never seems to fail so I know to expect it.

I dropped GABA to 1500mg instead of 2250mg, higher dose seems to amplify anxiety symptoms while bit less is perfect. I'm taking bit over a recommended daily dose of omega 3's also, that has felt really nice, just over all feeling better. So Bovine Ovary at 1800mg, Uterine 300mg, Pituitary 80mg, GABA down to 1500mg and everything else as before.

I will update more about the pump and the amazing new cups once I get more hours done on it, so far its extremely promising, easily the best breast pump cups I've ever had.

Hi I looked at your Instagram and I apreciate pictures of your female dress. I think I could do that too.

[Stevenator_]

Your lips really do look great. That's one thing I haven't been able to get is fuller lips. Congratulations on the new earrings, too. The leopard print always screams sexy, and it looks great on you.

Back in junior high I had a crush on a girl who had pink highlights in her hair. I thought it was incredibly sexy. My Dad and other parents flipped out about her, being that "no one" back then used unnatural hair colorings. I thought she was so unique, but she liked another boy and my heart was crushed lol.

Good luck with the new changes to your program. I hope that you keep getting gains.

[Mashtenn]

It looks like you are back on track and you look great in the dress and your new piercings also look awesome.